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Getting Knocked Up Is No Accident

Angelism: “With as much information as we have available to us, there is no way you can blame an accident for getting knocked up. Either you were safe & prevented it or you didn’t.”

 

I want women around the world to start taking ownership for their actions. I can’t stand to hear, “I accidentally got pregnant.” Last time I checked, pregnancy is no accident; it is a result of two people choosing to have sex. I don’t care that you used a condom and thought you were safe. If you read the label you know that condoms are not 100% effective, in fact they are considered only moderately effective. If you are trying to avoid pregnancy then you need to know the facts. It is your job to honor and respect your body and prevent this accident. IT’S YOUR JOB TO BE RESPONSIBLE. No blaming the existence of your child on a wild drunken night. Be knowledgeable on this topic and hold your partner accountable too. After all it takes two to tango! Now for my judgements:

1) For women who think an accidental pregnancy will bring you and your man closer together, SHAME ON YOU. Bringing a child into this world in the hopes to enhance or keep your relationship is purely selfish. If you do this, I disagree with you 100%. I feel sorry for your child and your man.
2) For women who don’t care if they do or don’t get pregnant and have sex with men with no consideration of what the man may want, SHAME ON YOU. Having casual sex with a man and not knowing where his level of interest is to be a father is disrespectful. You may think with or without a man you can raise a child, so who cares? That is true, however kids always like to know who their biological parents are and allowing a man to impregnate you without knowing if he is OK with being a father is unacceptable.
3) For women who get pregnant because they want to stay at home, raise a family, and no longer work, SHAME ON YOU. I guarantee you after a few years of being a stay-at-home mom you will re-think your decision. It is no walk in the park and you will crave adult interaction. The redundancy of day to day childcare along with household chores and family responsibilities will burn you out no matter how much you enjoy being domestic. If this is your family goal I think this setup is wonderful, but if you are having a baby “accidentally” to pressure your husband to be a stay at home wife, then you are awful!
4) For women who get pregnant so that the state can take care of them, SHAME ON YOU. Get your shit together and stop mooching off welfare. Knocking out babies for a paycheck is considered cheating the system. The money is not nearly as much as you’ll need to raise a child and send them to college so do something to better yourself. Get your life together, get a job, and set a good example.
5) For women who have children because they need love in their life and want somebody to love them unconditionally, SHAME ON YOU. Bringing a child into this world with a job to love you and help you feel more secure is disgusting.
6) For the women who carelessly go out and party, get drunk and have one-night stands, SHAME ON YOU. I am all for partying and having fun but your body and your future should take priority over a drunken, stupid night that knocks you up.
7) For every inexperienced, spoiled and rebellious teenager who thinks they know it all, who then goes out and gets pregnant to spite their parents or be cool in school, SHAME ON YOU. Now you have put pressure on many lives because you are a kid with a kid.
8) For all the women who have a child because their husband, parents, family, and friends pressured them into it, SHAME ON YOU. You should never be a mom if you do not have the absolute desire to be a mom. Since you can’t get pregnant on accident you can tell these people to piss off, you are not getting knocked up for them!
I want women to plan for having children and want them for the right reasons. So many children exist with no homes. Even worse, children live in broken homes because mom didn’t take control and plan a respectable life for herself and her children. Pregnancy should be honored and desired. Children will struggle enough growing up in today’s society with guns at school, challenging educational systems, issues with bullying, peer pressures to drink, do drugs and have sex, and difficulty making friends since we have become a society of 24 hour gossip and instant gratification. Everything is expressed via email and text constantly. Personal skills are vanishing and our future generations seem detached from emotion because they are zoned out on electronic stimulation from TV, Internet and video game violence. Parents need to be present with their children and be ready for the commitment that is required.
Ladies, wake up and be aware going forward that being responsible about pregnancy is your job. You may say, “What about the man? It’s his fault too!” I realize, he can get you pregnant, but you can prevent it. IT IS ALWAYS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! If you could get him pregnant it would be his responsibility; that’s not how the birds and the bees work. Taking sex lightly is not OK. There are ways to prevent having a baby. I should know because I have yet to even have a scare and believe me I have had plenty of sex. Using the birth control pill is very, very effective. If taken as advised, everyday and on time you will not get knocked up. If you do then you fall in the 1% and that would be considered an accident. A condom, combined with the shot or pill, is best. This way you prevent pregnancy and STD’s. Spermicides used with a condom are also quite effective.
Know your facts, protect yourself, think and plan responsibly, and give birth to a child that is wanted. Even planned kids are faced with divorce, death, challenges and daily struggles. But how nice to know that you have a child that you wanted, not one you got stuck with. For percentages on birth control effectiveness check out this information on WebMD. It is your duty to act responsibly when it comes to sex and making babies.
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/ss/slideshow-birth-control-options
Behaving in the way I describe above gives women a bad name. These are selfish actions, often intentional, that bring a child into the world under a stressful environment. Women who get knocked up for any of those reasons do not deserve to be parents. Yes, there are truly accidental circumstances. A woman can have that random irresponsible one-night stand, have a child as a result of it, act responsibly, and be a great mom. For that, I’m proud you did the right thing. That positive end result does not change the fact that it’s not the best approach to having children and likely not a situation you will promote as you raise your child.
I’m not expressing this to make moms who made any of the choices I listed above feel bad. We all make mistakes. I don’t disrespect you if you took ownership for what you did. However with today’s openness and early education about sex, you can no longer blame pregnancy on an accident. Set an example for future generations and take responsibility. Stop playing the female victim. When unlikely things occur like pregnancy because of rape (which is awful), because he had a vasectomy and you thought it was safe (very unfortunate), you fail to take the pill properly (big oops), or possibly because you are completely uneducated in what the result of having sex is (sad but can happen)… These reasons account for a very small percentage of women and are not the target audience here. Even if these unlikely events occurred, abortion or the morning after pill are options.
Be better, do better, plan better!
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Cheating… Who is to Blame?

Angelism: “The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to cheat. Love doesn’t last long when there is no trust.”

My boyfriend and I have very different viewpoints on cheating and who is to blame. Cheating has never been an issue between us since we have both been faithful, at least to my knowledge, but the challenge is we think differently about who takes the heat for infidelity. So who do you point the finger at when your mate turns to another person for sex and intimacy?
I feel that a relationship is between two people, the two that made the commitment to each-other. The person who needs to stay strong and be true to me is the one who vows to do so. I need to be faithful in return. When a third party gets involved, I expect that my mate will be responsible for fighting off any urges to stray in order to remain monogamous to me. If my man cheats on me with a person at his work, a bartender, a stripper, or a friend of a friend who I have never met, do I blame him, her, or both? This is tough question to answer because there are many different opinions. I happen to feel that the person responsible would be my man, and my man feels that both people are to blame.
It seems in society that people like to put the blame on the third party equally when the one they should really have frustration and disappointment with is their mate who shattered the trust. I agree that the third party who gets involved with a spoken for person has done something irresponsible, but it happens, and people cheat everyday and don’t feel guilty about it. If they truly felt guilt they wouldn’t do it. If a stranger has the hots for your man, knows he is taken, but wants to get naked with him anyway, who are you to think she should hold back? What can you really expect from a stranger? Does this make her a bad person, or a human acting on impulse and living in the moment? If I sleep with a waiter while on a girls only vacation, the waiter is not to blame, I am.
The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. People are obviously cheating often, don’t think you are exempt. The sooner you accept this as a possibility, the less painful it will be if you are faced with it. I have family members and friends who have cheated and I don’t think they are evil, I think they are human. It takes a strong, happy, committed, loving, honest and respectful relationship, to stay totally true and faithful for decade after decade. That kind of commitment requires you to stop your hormones and desires every time they stray to thoughts of, “What if?” You have to be excited about going home to the same lover every day of your life and reinvent yourself over and over again so you don’t get bored. You have to be a person of so much integrity and faith that when and if you have desires to be involved with someone outside of your relationship, you choose not to act on it and instead go home to your partner and work it out. Realistically, how many people actually fall into this highly honorable category? A 100% true relationship requires a lot of work and willpower to avoid every temptation along the way for years and years.
Although I say I would only blame the lover that actually cheated on me, I have one exception to that rule. This is what confuses my boyfriend. I told him if he ever cheated on me with a dear friend, I would blame them both. The way I see it is anyone who I know and love, who has a commitment to me to respect and be loyal to me, should not engage in this kind of promiscuous behavior behind my back. So yes, be pissed if your best friend sleeps with your man. I say disown them both for betraying your trust. However, if he hooks up with a bartender, then it’s not her fault. There are many people in this world who have no real feelings. They sleep with someone without any regard for the other person. Many of them don’t even know there is another person to be concerned about. You can blame this third party person all you want but the fact is, if they cared they would not have done it. The person who was supposed to care, have your back and honor you no matter what, is your partner. When your mate sleeps with another person with no regard or respect for how it will make you feel, that is the enemy, that is who you blame.
My boyfriend feels both people are to blame so we agree to disagree. I get what he is saying to a certain extent. I don’t think women or men should encourage, or put effort towards having sex with married/ committed people unless both parties agree it’s OK. I think passing the buck to the third party is a way of blaming someone other than the love of your life for ruining your relationship. I admire that my man cared enough about this topic to have a conversation about it. I’m also grateful that our differences of opinion didn’t get in the way of us having sex later that day. It amazes me that after almost 13 years together we can still challenge each other’s thoughts like this and be mature about it.
What do you think about cheating? For me, anyone who gives into cheating is not a person of enough integrity and respect for me to be with, or waste my time being mad at. I would cut the ties, forgive, never forget, and walk away knowing I did nothing wrong. When someone cheats, everything is lost; faith, trust, hope, love, and a future of comfort and commitment. You feel a pain that is unexplainable and in a moments time all you thought you had, the love you feel existed all those years, is over. Having full trust again of the person who strayed is impossible. The unfaithfulness will haunt you if you stay. In my opinion, someone who cheats doesn’t deserve your love, move on.