
Trust is a Must

Happiness is a choice!
Angelism: Never waste summertime! Bask in the longer days, warm and relaxing nights, adventurous vacations, and fun in the sun. Summer is meant for making memories, creating special moments, and most importantly taking time for yourself.
Summer is a wonderful season for adventure and fun. My passion and excitement for the summertime began early on. The idea of being off for almost three months at a time during my school years was always something to look forward to. As a kid, my family did not vacation much, but the pool days, theme park adventures, sleepovers with friends, and our family BBQs were all memorable moments. As I got older, in my late teens and early 20’s I developed a genuine desire to see and do more in this great big world. I moved to Los Angeles, where I have now happily lived for almost 20 years, and I did this knowing I would always feel like I am on vacation. Additional travel outside of life here in LA is truly a bonus.
There is something to be said for going to new places and experiencing life there. The people, culture, food, environment, and general laws and regulations vary significantly from state to country. Opening my eyes to these new ways of life, I quickly learned that mindset and social responsibility values are heavily influenced by the environments in which we live. What you choose to believe and make of the world around you is largely dependent on what your day-to-day experiences offer you. Because of my openness to immerse myself in these new communities, I feel like I have become a more accepting and personable human.
Despite fear or desire to be alone with your beliefs, I encourage everyone to get out there. Start small if you must. Take a short weekend adventure and grab your meals at a popular local restaurant rather than the hotel you reside in. Consider going to the beach or lake, rather than hanging poolside at your Airbnb, and shop in the local malls and markets to live as they do. Engage with the employees along the way who serve you, and those strangers who sit next to you on the train. Take the opportunity to get to know someone new, and learn how they view life there. Consider a nearby park for an outdoor concert or lunch date, and if you are religious, attend a local mass. You may even make a friend for life along the way or discover your retirement relocation goals.
Making memories matters…
Wishing you joyful summer vibes, get outside, and have some fun while you still can!
If you told me in early February that March 2020 would result in a complete life-style shut down I would have thought you were crazy. Never did I think for a second that a lock-down of life as we know it could even be possible on such a mass level. How easily we are all controlled in our country. We are soldiers ready to line up and do that which we need to do.
I don’t want to sound disrespectful, I understand the importance of staying home, doing our part, and protecting one another. I know that this is an unfamiliar virus that we feel threatened by and taking steps to prevent a spike of cases that we are ill prepared to manage is very important. I will do my part. But a part of doing my part has me pissed off. This is really, really, really going to fuck with so many lives. It already has.
I’m a survivor so at the end of day if I have to live in my car on a new street every day, I can make that happen. I don’t have a mortgage, I’m not raising kids, and I don’t have an elderly family member living in my space that I need to care for. So, although this is confusing and hard, I’m managing fairly well. But we are all on edge. If we have a job today, we are all feeling uncertain it will be available to us tomorrow. We can’t plan for the future because the future is not available to plan for. Things are changing daily, hourly sometimes; and what our leadership says one minute they take back the next minute. Why, why, why has this been so unorganized?
We had months, I repeat months to plan for this. If this was happening overseas, it was happening at the same time in our major cities. To assume we would be untouched by this was naive. Flights in and out of China and Europe, to our major cities of SF, LA, and NY were no doubt all areas of risk the entire time! To wait until mid March to address the urgency of this is really unacceptable. People will die because we didn’t manage this sooner.
Knowing in early January this virus existed and was a deadly concern for elders meant we should have put our 60 and over population on lockdown right away. All large events could have been cancelled immediately as well as all international travel paused. Our country should have been immediately educated on social distancing and advised to have work from home strategies ready for implementation. Steps such as this could have very quickly flattened the curve but sadly none of that happened.
So here we are, totally fucked, with no toilet paper and a handful of Americans not taking it seriously because we actually believed this could not happen to us. Now, whether worth all the effort or not, we have to respect this social responsibility and try. Currently LA’s lockdown has been extended to May 15, 2020. I have no faith they will let us run wild in time for Memorial Day or 4th of July weekend. I predict maybe life will make a comeback tour by mid July or August? I hope I am wrong; only time will tell.
I was looking forward to March 2020 for over a year. I had a 20th Anniversary party planned with friends and family coming from near and far to celebrate. I had a week-long Hawaiian vacation scheduled with some of our dearest friends. I spent the last three months losing weight and getting in good shape to be prepared for our special day. I had booked a DJ, bartender, catering, security, photographer, venue… everything was all lined up. Literally a week or two before the big day covid-19 took a shit on all of our plans. I’m also an April baby so no birthday this year for me. For all these reasons I say, “Fuck You Covid-19!”
The last few weeks have been pretty depressing as I had to cancel all of our plans and fight for refunds which ended up being even more difficult than setting up all the contracts in the first place. I must give one shout out to Budget rental car company. I had a week long non-refundable “paid in full” car reservation and they refunded it in full, no questions asked! United Airlines was less than helpful and Waipouli Beach Resort did not play fair during this time either. They all wanted to keep the money in full and credit us for a future use. Sorry, I could have covid-19 and die next month, so the future is a little uncertain right now! I demanded my money back since non of these services were going to be used. For the first time ever I exercised my right to dispute payments on my credit cards. Good news I won. If you don’t actually receive services you don’t have to pay! Lesson learned.
At this point, all we can do is hang in there. The covid-19 crisis does not appear to be ending anytime soon. I’ve accepted that we will not vacation anytime soon. I realize that I cannot reschedule our 20th Anniversary party for a future date because who knows when a large gathering will be allowed again. I trust that this will pass but it will suck for a while to come.
We can’t let the fear consume us. We must ask more questions and demand more answers. There is a lot about how this pandemic is being managed that has me concerned. I pray to remain healthy and safe, I pray that everyone I know and love remain unharmed by this, and I wish the best for anyone reading this to be in good health. Larger than this virus will be our collective efforts. Anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts will certainly increase from such a huge universal loss. Our freedoms and comforts were taken from us in a very short amount of time. We must care for one another as best we can at this time.
Hang in there! Read a good book, call someone you love, write in a journal, watch your favorite movie…. keep your body and mind strong and please stay safe!
As we enter a new year, many people will struggle with unattainable goals and unforeseen challenges. About a decade ago, I was asked to write a blog about positive thoughts and how they relate to healing. I was thrilled that this request came my way and was truly happy to write about something I believe strongly in. As we welcome 2020, we should all embrace the fact that our thoughts create and control our reality.
When I was younger, in my teenage years and early twenties, I never thought much about what I said or did. I knew I was happy, I liked having fun, and I felt very fortunate. Through life experiences, friends and family dramas, relationship lows, deaths, and financial constraints, I have confirmed for myself that every situation is as good or bad as I allow it to be in my head. Every experience can be embraced, accepted, and made sense of; but only if I manage it correctly in my mind. I shape the outcome of every experience through my thoughts. My commitment is to maintain the positive thoughts and delete the negative ones.
Unfortunately, it’s easy to be a downer. Many people go day after day complaining about bad drivers, not enough time, mistrust of loved ones, frustration from nagging family and friends, disappointment from increasing prices, and everyone’s favorite a terrible economy. Occasionally, we get slapped in the face with an illness or injury that sets us back and changes who we are, stripping us of the confidence we have worked so hard to achieve. Because of this we fill our space and energy with something all humans have in common – the desire to complain. Complaining is a given. Stand next to someone in Starbucks, and if you so much as roll your eyes or suggest in any way that it’s taking forever, the person behind you will likely say, “It’s annoying, they are always slow here.”
People across the world are becoming more aware of the gift of a good attitude. The idea that you become your thoughts is proving to be true. With well known books like, The Secret, The Power of Now, The Four Agreements, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, and A Complaint Free World, we are reassured that positive thoughts result in a good outcome. Simply think about what you want, envision it, and you get it. Controlling your mind to think in a way that is beneficial to you, and being aware of your words so that you no longer speak in a disrespectful way towards yourself can really pay off.
Yes. Many doctors agree that ill patients with a positive attitude and a strong will to fight do much better than the patients who respond with negativity and speak of illness as though it is a death sentence. Doctors confirm that the major contributors to maintaining good health and removing disease from the body is a positive, hopeful, and determined outlook from the patient. Words that you speak to yourself become a reality; an ill person who speaks positively towards their body during a crisis, can often reverse the negative situation, creating quality health and healing for their body and mind.
Now, chances are if you were recently diagnosed with breast cancer you are not going to run home and start expressing words of gratitude about your situation. Every major negative experience deserves its moment of fear, depression, and total upset. However, the sooner you move through those thoughts and create a plan of action to make positive changes, the healthier and stronger you will become.
If you don’t believe this concept to be true, I beg of you to give it a try. First become aware of every negative thought you say or think. Before you actually speak any harshness in this world, see if you can replace it with something beneficial and productive. Instead of complaining about the slow service at Starbucks, can you appreciate the extra time you have in line to play with the adorable baby that is in the stroller behind you? Can you offer up a compliment to someone nearby to fill in the space you normally use to express a complaint? If you happen to have an illness that is worthy of complaining about, it’s acceptable and most people will listen. Don’t let any shortcomings in your life win, challenge yourself to move past all limitations. Think your way out of being sick and you may begin to feel better.
People who live with a strong mind, positive attitude, and peace in their hearts, have been known to practice many of the following habits. You may want to read up on these ideas individually to fully understand how integrating them may benefit you. Begin with one or two of the below habits and add more as time passes. Let’s see if you can slowly change your life for the better.
Healing and establishing wellness through thought is very real. I live its power every day. I am a brain surgery survivor. I have had plenty of negative things happen in my life that tried to take me down, but I positively thought my way through it. Living mentally strong and happy makes life so much more enjoyable.
Take the lessons each day brings you and move along to the next. We don’t need a New Year to set goals and be well. We can embrace the “stay positive” concept every day of our life. It is the only goal we need to set, everything else will follow.
Almost a decade ago I read the book A Complaint Free World and it was a huge wake-up call. To date, it is one of my favorite books and the message has truly stuck with me. Complaining is common and I’m often a receiver and a sender. Although I consider myself a happy, upbeat, positive person, I do catch myself complaining. I know I will never give up complaining 100%; I genuinely think that would be impossible. One reason I complain is for the entertainment value or simply to get what I want in the moment. Occasionally a little obnoxious verbiage is fun, and over-dramatizing topics once in a while makes a story even better! Overall, the clarity this book brought to me was the awareness of the constant, useless, serves-no-purpose, out-loud complaints, that none of us should waste our time on. Here are some examples of common complaints that I still catch myself saying:
This useless out-loud chatter gives off bad vibes and creates negative energy. If any of you have read this book, or have seen Will Bowen (author) speak, then you know that the goal is to wear a purple bracelet or rubber-band around your wrist and every time you complain you have to switch the bracelet to the other wrist. I tried this forever ago and the first day I got a bruise from swapping the bracelet so much. The goal is to go 21 days without complaining. This is a goal I never achieved but still strive to. It’s because of this book, I remain very aware of my words and the commentary around me. Making the shift to be more positive is difficult. Simply becoming more present to it is a step in the right direction. Now, I often catch myself apologizing to people in earshot of my wasteful negative words.
One of my favorite quotes: “If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain. —MAYA ANGELOU”
Angelism: Holiday season = sweaters & fat pants!
The holidays are challenging. It’s my favorite time of year, yet the most difficult. I love parties, visiting with friends and family, sharing gifts, and creating memories. Additionally, I like to enjoy all the food and beverages that come with these moments. The sluggish, lethargic feeling of fatness that is the result of Halloween through New Years really weighs on me. Literally, weight on me! I never seem to get through a holiday without packing on pounds and losing my cardio strength.
Many people struggle during this time. The holidays are like an annual free pass to get extra chubby and say, “Fuck it, I’ll wear all my fat clothes for two months!” My rolls may spill over my jeans but they button so that’s a plus! My boobs may form a tri-tit in the front center of my bra but at least it still wraps around my back. Wearing yoga pants and sweaters seems OK during this feasting season. The average American gains about ten pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years. You would think after ten months of eating right and exercising regularly that a two month splurge wouldn’t be so hazardous to my health. Turns out everything good is bad and the holidays remind me of this again and again.
Now that the holiday madness is in full swing, in my head I am thrilled to start a New Year. I look forward to filling up my schedule with fun plans and setting goals to get organized and start fresh. The energy I have to do things from day one of a new year is amazing. I tell myself that no matter how lazy I am during the holidays, I will get focused come January 1st; however, until January 1st, I sit here feeling fat daily. I want nothing more than to drink a bottle of wine, eat some apple pie with ice cream, and watch movies while cuddling under a blanket near the fire. Sorry not sorry.
Despite my anger towards these eight weeks of laziness, I find a lot of comfort in the delicious homemade foods, fancy cocktails, yummy desserts, and endless treats. This comfort continually blinds me to the fact that every bite I take will add another dimple on my behind and another roll on my waste. In the moment while eating, I don’t consider how hard it will be to fit in my denim, or how many miles I will have to run to burn off the additional muffin top; I focus solely on how many lazy, comfort food, cuddle days I can spend indoors, stuffing my face, while lounging in my pajamas. The reality will hit me the Monday after all the holidays are over and I have to go back to work. That day is brutal.
Angelism: Nothing is ever really behind you… if something happened to you, and your experience was truly memorable (good or bad), it’s only a matter of time before that ingrained memory appears again.
As with any victim of trauma, once you face something bigger than you can wrap your head around, it takes over and becomes a part of you. This experience or circumstance doesn’t have to stop you, or consume your life, but it is a part of your story and a reason at times you will fall back a step or two. When fight-or-flight hits, no matter how many people tell you to move through it and forget about it; the visions, memories, emotion, and weight of the experience, can, does, and inevitably comes back. How you choose to manage it is what matters.
Many of you know I had brain surgery last year on 12/12/18. A year ago this month, I was very unsure of what the hell was going to become of my life. Although I was confident I would power through, the unknown was terrifying. It was a personal journey that I had to brave. Though I had support and love all around me, I was the one who was about to have a hole drilled in my head. I had to wake up every day knowing this shitty situation was all mine to manage. I am happy to report I am on the other side of a successful craniotomy and thus far have recovered well. As of now that large olive sized tumor invading space in my brain is no longer there. Now, I spend a lifetime praying it doesn’t return.
Fortunately, in the last six months or so, I have thought very little about what I went through. My surgery and condition comes up in conversation once in awhile and I move through the chatter quite quickly. I still feel the scar when I scratch my head, I see the wispy hairs of a variety of lengths growing back to remind me of the trauma to my skull, and occasionally I feel some weird sensations in my head; thankfully overall I feel good and I have moved on. Life resumed as usual for me, it simply did not stop moving forward because I had a traumatic experience. I’ve been doing well and I am pleased with the results.
Now, this is where my Angelism comes in: Nothing is ever really behind you… if something happened to you, and your experience was truly memorable (good or bad), it’s only a matter of time before that ingrained memory appears again. This quote could not be more true. I found myself yesterday in line at the grocery store, reviewing my Facebook (FB) memories, when BOOM! Publicly tears welled up in my eyes, tears I could not fight. There I stood, reading my social media post that I created the day before my surgery announcing to my family and friends my diagnosis and the procedure I was about to endure. In this post I asked them for prayers and well wishes. The wave of unstoppable emotions simply took over. I paid for my groceries and quickly went to my car where I was compelled to read through over 200 FB comments. It was beyond overwhelming. I was sad, happy, angry, scared, and super emotional, for no REAL reason. In this unexpected moment, all the feels came rushing back.
Hitting this one-year milestone post brain surgery has apparently triggered some PTSD that I could not escape. The last 12 months have been a challenge and they have taught me so much. My personal journey was one that took more strength than most people will ever realize. I have never been a weak person. I always hold my head high, I fight for what I want, I strive to win, and I never give up. I have managed all of this very well and am super proud of myself. I stayed strong and had to fake that strength many days. If I’ve learned one thing it is that vulnerability is one diagnosis away. A diagnosis that can make someone tough like me, feel scared and weak, on any day, of any year, at any stage in life.
These pictures have me wishing I could be that “no worry” kid again. Little Angel had no idea how strong she’d have to be as an adult. A hard day back then was falling off my skateboard or playing outside too long and getting a sunburn. I see my little face and am driven to stay strong because from day one I have always been determined!
I’m positive there are lessons that I am forgetting but this is what comes to mind in my heightened emotional state. I thank you for reading if you made it this far. Here is a proud picture comparison. Image on left was me about 16 hours before surgery. I probably cried a dozen times that day trying to pump myself up to willingly check into a hospital and let a complete team of strangers drill into my head. To the right is my most recent work photo taken a few months ago. Thank goodness for professional photos giving me a beauty boost. All I can say at this stage is, “WOW what a difference a year makes! Whatever your journey, hang on… the hard days pass and in the end you’re better for it!”
Images below of my memorable day that I am so grateful to have behind me. My surgeon was amazing and he is known for cutting and shaving very little. With so much gratitude I give a shout out to Dr. Daniel Kelly, he was fantastic!
And well, because this is funny and we can all use a laugh…
Angelism: Not all boyfriends have to be real. Some first loves simply teach us through their role on television or through the lyrics in a song.
Today is a sad day for women around the world. If you were a teen or young adult in the 90’s, your heart is crushed. The passing of Luke Perry has us Gen X kids speechless. Women are in tears reminiscing of their youth crush now gone, and men of this generation are officially questioning their own mortality. Luke Perry, AKA Dylan McKay from 90210, passed away from a stroke today at the age of 52.
As a huge Beverly Hills 90210 fan, I simply must take a moment to share and honor what the character of Dylan McKay taught me.
1) Bad boys are good!
2) Sideburns are super hot!
3) Denim on denim does work!
4) It’s OK to wait to take the virginity of the girl you love.
5) Have a hot, nice, best friend and one nerdy one.
6) A black convertible old school Porsche makes a guy look damn sexy.
7) Ditch school and go have fun. It’s always worth it!
8) Sometimes getting drunk and passing out is OK.
9) Kiss softly… whisper sweet nothings… buy flowers…. and hold the door for your girl.
10) Losing My Religion to this day is still a good song because every time I hear it I picture Dylan and Brenda making out. So lesson learned, for every good make-out session you gotta have a memorable SONG!
Thank you Luke for being one of my first boyfriends. Your character in 90210 taught me a little bit about what I did and didn’t want in a young guy. Your ability to be tough and cool, all while kind and sweet, was adorable. You taught me about peer pressure, sex, money, drugs, and alcohol. You made it OK to have family issues and personal struggles. You taught me sometimes a man is strong and determined and other times he’s a lost soul. Your character had depth and flavor, and decades later, I still appreciate the gift you gave to me. Rest in peace Luke Perry/ Dylan McKay. I love you!
Angelism: CONFIDENCE! Having it is the key to a healthy and wonderful life no matter what your size, sex, color, or social status.
Money can’t buy confidence but if it could it would be worth saving every penny for. I learned long ago that confidence is everything. Today, after watching Rebel Wilson in her newest movie, Isn’t it Romantic, I was reminded of how limiting life can be for people who don’t possess confidence. I can’t stress enough how important it is to know who you are and what you want. We are all unique; self-doubt does not discriminate so don’t let it rule your existence.
Many of you know I’m a huge fan of Los Angeles. If I had a dollar for every time I have promoted my love for the City of Angels I would be rich. But this is a city you must have confidence in or you are doomed! Surrounded by wealthy, fit, and beautiful people, who are tan, energetic, and always out having fun, can be very intimidating. You have to know and accept your place, not fear being one of many fish in a giant sea, and you must work hard because LA does not hand out favors. I have lived here for sixteen years and I have loved every minute of it. Despite the high-cost and traffic, there is nowhere I’d rather be. I’m confident this is my home and it feels good. I’m not an actress, model, or a rich trust fund baby. Not “having it all” doesn’t deter me, I’m where I want to be and I love living a life I enjoy.
Now back to today’s movie. I so appreciated that it completely dissed on romantic comedy films. It showed all the fake fluff that makes what every day people find dreamy and lust for. I may have mad love for LA, but I dislike the things that make this city feel plastic. Fake-like humans, for example the Kardashians, are not realistic. The average person does not have four hours to get ready or endless funds to look perfect. I think it’s awful how they like to pretend that this is a natural way of going about your days. The amount of vanity that family has is scary. The other plastic side of LA are the fakers. Faking your reality is ridiculous. Be who you are because real people and true friends can read right through you. Using social media outlets like Facebook to try and convince all your hundreds/ thousands of friends that you are happy in your crappy marriage when everyone knows you are on verge of divorce is lame. People can read through your lies and believe me they are laughing and gossiping about you. Be the best you, and enjoy it, even if it’s during a divorce!
Confidence is being the same sexy person whether you are sweaty and gross at the gym or in full make-up ready for the red carpet. It means aging gracefully and accepting the wisdom and adventure that it brings. I’m all for doing a little work to enhance your appearance if you really think it will look nice, but if you get so much Botox your eyes don’t blink, and so many injections that your cheeks don’t move, then you are insecure and people will judge. To earn respect and be appreciated for what you bring to this world DON’T BE FAKE. Have confidence and stop living in fear of what others think.