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Kids & Adults Today

Angelism: “Never underestimate the power of the question WHY? Spend one hour with a 3 year old engaging with them non-stop and you may begin to think you have lost your mind.”

Ever notice that everything an adult asks of a child, the kid does the opposite? I have realized it’s impossible to reason with youngsters. I don’t have my own children to compare this to, however I have spent a lot of time working with kids. I helped raise a few in my family, babysat in my younger years and have worked part-time as a nanny. Most of my observations come from everyday life. It’s fascinating to observe kids doing the exact opposite of what adults request of them. When you tell them to do something or stop doing something, be prepared for the question “WHY?” to follow. Every answer you give them will not be good enough and will be followed up with “WHY?” Before you know it your head will be spinning.

Here are some of my examples. I’m sure many of you parents will relate. Is there a logical explanation for this behavior? My conclusion is that kids are here to test your patience in every way possible regardless of how good you are to them.
 
Bedtime: You ask a child to go to bed and they say, “No, I want to stay up for 10 more minutes.” That 10 minutes turns into 20, which turns into 30, which is really just a way for them to get your attention every 10 minutes for the last hour of bedtime. When you tell them for the last time to go to get their butt in bed they ask “WHY?”
Washing hands: You tell a child to wash up and they may run a finger or two from one hand under the water. They show up at the table with that finger or two still wet and swear that they washed their hands even though they are still filthy. When you ask them to wash them again they ask “WHY?”
Taking a shower: You expect your little one to shower and get cleaned up, they turn on the shower, stand under the water for 10 minutes, never touch the soap or shampoo but assure you they are perfectly clean. When you ask them to soap up and get clean they ask “WHY?”
Doing homework: You have them sit down after school to do homework and what should take an hour, they somehow finish in 10 minutes. Kids often fill in the answers with a bunch of numbers and words that have no relevance to the assignment but it looks done and that’s all they care about. They assure you the teacher won’t mind but the mess they created is all because they refuse to read directions because all they can think about is playing. When you tell them to re-do it they ask “WHY?”
Putting clothes in the hamper: I don’t care how many times you ask a kid to use the hamper you will always walk in their room to find the clothes on the floor. When you tell them to put the clothes in the hamper for a third time they ask “WHY?” and claim they will do it later.
 
Throwing out trash: Wrappers, papers, bottles and any other thing that is trash will end up in places you don’t want it. A child would rather leave their trash in your car or purse then take it with them to throw out. You tell them to pick up their stuff and throw out their own trash and they ask “WHY?”
Watching television: It is impossible to get a child away from the TV. When they are glued to a program you could say the house is on fire or a superhero is at the front door and they would not budge nor look away from the TV. If you tell them, “It’s an emergency!” they will ask “WHY?”
Noise level: A child has no sense of quiet or how to remain quiet for the sake of others. Their volume is always at the level of screaming and yet they expect you to listen to them when they never listen to you. You request that they be quiet so their little sibling can fall asleep and instead of respecting that request they ask “WHY?” and go right back to screaming.
Telling the truth: Truth is not an option. It is the job of the adult on duty to play investigator. All kids lie about everything – Where they were, what they were doing, who they were with and so on. Researching and interrogating is the only way to ever know anything. When you express to them that their story doesn’t make sense and you don’t believe they are telling you the truth they say, “WHY?”
Meals: All kids are picky about food. They want only what they like and half the time you make what they want and that isn’t good enough. At dinner all they can talk about is dessert. A kid will never be hungry enough for dinner but is always starving and screaming for dessert. Watch out if you have a dog because it’s likely the dog is getting more nutrients from the meal than your child. If you tell them to finish their dinner or they get no dessert expect them to ask “WHY?”
Shopping: If you need to shop for adult stuff, you must bargain with your child to get them to go. Then you are challenged with getting them to behave well and stay calm during the time you need to run your errands. However if it’s shopping for them, (Toys R Us for example), what’s in that for you? Absolutely nothing but an empty wallet and a child who can’t make up their mind because there are too many toys to choose from. You tell your child to pick one toy and they say, “WHY? I want all three.”
Toys: It is impossible for a child to appreciate a toy for longer than a week. You buy these plastic pieces of junk against your will and after the thrill is over you have more trash in your house. You tell your kids to respect their toys and they break them or sometimes lose them on purpose so they can get new ones. If you tell them they will not get a replacement toy you will get a big fat “WHY?” in return.
 
Brushing teeth: This is much like washing hands. I think the toothbrush is what really gets clean. It gets toothpaste, gets dipped in water, then has smeared toothpaste on it, then gets rinsed. I think kids believe that since they put the toothbrush in their mouth and tasted toothpaste for a second then the job is done. I’m shocked kids even have teeth since they put so little effort into brushing. If you tell them to brush harder and better they say, “WHY?”
Personal details: You tell your children some family matters are private and should remain in your own home. Out of the blue your in-laws call you wondering why you and your husband are fighting so much in front of the kids. Way to go kids! Sharing fight details with grandma because Dad came home late totally wasted which worried me is none of their business. When you tell your kid they did something wrong and should not share that personal information with family ever again they ask “WHY?”
These are a few things that kids and parents/adults can’t agree on. Did I miss anything? Don’t get me wrong, kids are great and there are plenty of things they do that is precious and wonderful. I really adore children and am always inspired by them because they see things in such a dreamy way. I simply find it interesting that no matter what the situation, kids will test your patience and push your buttons in ways you never thought possible. Take a deep breath and remember, it’s “time outs” now, no yelling or spanking allowed. It will be interesting to see how the new generation of children grow up. They are in control, not the parents. One spanking and they are turning you into Child Protective Services. When I was growing up I had to do everything my parents told me 24/7 and if I didn’t I got spanked, got my favorite things taken away, or was grounded. I wasn’t rewarded for being good, I was expected to be good. Now kids run the show and parents bribe them with candy, toys, play-dates and money to get them to do things. Times have definitely changed. It’s a new way of thinking. Only time will tell if its better or worse.
To all Moms and Dads, I admire your work and your willingness to face the challenge of parenthood. It’s truly the hardest job in the world. May your minimum 18 years of raising your kid/kids be amazing and memorable and may you not lose it when your children ask you, “WHY?”
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Complicated Relationships

Angelism: “If you are in a complicated relationship, uncomplicate it! It’s that simple.”

 
“It’s Complicated!’
I address this topic because all too often I’m on Facebook and I notice under the relationship status people posting “It’s Complicated.” Is this what we have resorted to? Is this a new standard for the confusion and frustration one is willing to put up with? Does it make a person feel better to announce on social media that your life is such a mess you can’t possibly figure out whether or not you’re in a real relationship? Sorry if I offend, but being in a COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
Identify what kind of relationship you are really in. Be honest with yourself.
1) A good relationship that has its ups and downs.
2) A bad relationship that you should get out of immediately.
3) A mediocre relationship at times that requires some extra excitement but most of the time it feels healthy overall.
4) A messy relationship that you stay in because you are too insecure to let go so you hang onto something that you know will never work.
5) No actual relationship outside of what you create in your head so you are being even more lame by making it sound like you have drama with this ex or wanna-be lover in your life.
6) None, zero, zilch, zip, non-existent relationship so own up to it already because a text here and there from months ago and a one night stand or two in your past do not count as being in a complicated relationship.
If it’s complicated because you are in the closet about your sexuality then come out. If it’s complicated because you are lying, then step up, tell the truth, and do what’s right for you. If it’s complicated because you are desperately hanging onto the past and you won’t let go, then seek therapy. If it’s complicated because you are cheating then stop sabotaging love and pick a mate you can stick with. If it’s complicated because kids are involved, shame on you for bringing your complicated relationship into the presence of a child. Fix the situation immediately so you don’t fuck up your kid. If it’s complicated because you don’t know how the other person feels, then ask the other person how they feel. If you are holding onto to someone who can’t commit then say, “Bye Felicia!”
I acknowledge that relationships have moments of difficulty and life gets challenging (complicated), but move on. When this is your identity that you announce to others publicly, and you admit to having just an OK relationship status for all the world to see, I think, “You can do better than that!” It either is a relationship or it isn’t. Putting into the universe that you are in a complicated relationship will only create more difficulty in your life.
My hope is if your relationship status is, “It’s Complicated,” you will stop and think a little more about why this is so. Is this the image you want others to see? Is your situation so puzzling that you can’t identify if it’s real? And if so, why do you want to be with someone who has you in this confusing position?
Cheers to uncomplicating complicated relationships. Let’s all set a standard to expect more from ourselves and others starting right now.
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Two Sides of My Soul

Angelism: “I choose happy because happy is a choice.”

Today I bring up an interesting topic, a way of looking inside your soul that you may have not thought of before. I have always felt that I have two lives. You might be thinking that I’m living in the dark under two different names not sure of who I am. Not the case. However I have discovered that I have a bad life and a good life. I’m well aware of my existence and the twists and turns it’s taken, but what I’m most fascinated with is my ability to choose one life over the other. It’s as if my soul knows the feeling of two personalities but chooses one.
I was raised by a variety of people. My parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, extended family, acquaintances in the workplace, and friends, all played a part in the person that I have become. Books and prayer have also influenced me at certain times in my life. Even TV has helped my personality grow. Thanks to kind-hearted individuals like Oprah, I believe that the world can be a better place. It’s these relationships and experiences that have helped mold me to think the way I do and for that I am ever so grateful.
I’ve learned that the world is filled with two kinds of people: the positive (uppers) and the negative (downers). No matter how hard I try to be good, I’ll always be surrounded by someone or something that wants to bring me down. I know that it’s my choice to live one of these two ways. Unfortunately, good and bad things happen regardless of my efforts. It can be challenging to get through the day when you know it’s all up to chance and that what’s here one minute, could be gone the next.
Because of my consistent happy and outgoing personality, I don’t get much sympathy from others. This is mainly my doing because I don’t seek it. If there is a problem, I find a solution. I don’t dwell for long nor do I bring others down with me. Since I have the ability to manage life without much comfort from others, what many people don’t realize is that I have been broken. Not just a few hits here and there, but truly emotionally and physically damaged. I can think of handfuls of events that got me so low I’m surprised I’m still standing. Life has brought me loss, pain, misfortune, anxiety, conflict, stress and disappointment. I have been let down, forgotten, lied to, mistreated, disowned and crapped on by people I cared for and trusted. In past moments of pure disappointment, I have acted evil and said and done things I am not proud of. I can easily wake up every day and dwell in my misery if I wanted to.
On the flip side I know I’m an amazing person. I have been blessed in numerous ways and any negative experience I have had, has taught me an important lesson. Many of the people who have let me down, have also lifted me up. That’s what I hold onto. I have experienced love, praise, support, commitment, fun, intimacy and adventure. I have people who truly believe in me and stand by all that I do. My family and friends, who I hold so dear, have proven that no matter what gets in the way nothing will break our bond. When I think of these positive moments in my life, times of pure laughter and joy, I am carried. I think, “How dare I ever put energy elsewhere.” Happy is my home and my heart. I have the gift of joy because I decided long ago to use my energy to love people and life and set boundaries with those who let me down and are a negative force. My faith, trust, love and vulnerability confirm for me that no matter what happens – life is good.
So how does one get through the confusion of good versus evil, love versus hate, rich versus poor, friend versus enemy and luck versus jinxed? The way I see it is you can be a victim or a hero. When you are a victim, a downer, or a negative person, everything you think and do comes out through you with a negative, mistrusting force. A victim believes life isn’t fair. They can’t maintain relationships or nurture healing. Their walls are so high that no matter how hard you try, you keep ending up in the same dysfunctional situations. Their dramatic, disrespectful and rude behavior gets the best of them. I understand this dark, ugly place. I have been there and know people who live there full-time. Many times I have asked, “Why must it be so hard? Why must you kick me when I’m down? Why don’t people understand and respect me?” I can go on for days with desperate questions that have no answers or I can embrace the positive side of my soul that heals all wounds. One of my favorite Angelisms quotes says, “I choose happy because happy is a choice.” Since happy is a choice, I want to appreciate my life and celebrate its ups and downs. I know in my heart and in my mind that this is the way life should be.
It’s easy to get lost in life, feel confused about emotions and wonder why you always get the short end of the stick. It’s easier to go with the crowd or side with those that are dramatic and negative than to take a stand for a positive thought. Gossip always comes quicker than praise. What’s even easier is to beat people to the punch. You might figure if you can point out your flaws and life struggles before they do, then it will hurt less. Most of us have a problem looking at ourselves in the mirror and being wholeheartedly proud of what we see. The result of that is living in anger and disappointment which doesn’t lead to a happy soul.
Some people would love to walk a day in my shoes and others would not try on a pair if I paid them. The important thing for me is knowing which pair of shoes to wear in this life. I can wallow in the 5-inch heels that cripple me, cause pains in my legs, feet and knees, and show something to others that I’m not proud of, or I can choose to wear my sneakers. I know for sure that it’s in my sneakers I am comfortable, free spirited and ready to soak in all that the world has to offer.
I understand the struggles of having the Devil on one shoulder and an Angel on the other. I, like many of you, have to pick which life to make my story. I won’t pretend that I wake up on the right side of the bed every morning. Those of you who follow my BLOGS know I like to complain and vent a time or two. No matter how tough a day in my life can get, at the end of the day I know I’m at peace. What I choose is what’s right for me. I make every effort to live my life with respect, honesty, love and heartfelt consideration. Many of my decisions are driven by my desire to have fun and be a free spirit. My life, if I analyze it, can go either way; victim or hero, good or bad, positive or negative. As you have learned, my soul chooses happy so I am my own hero. Which life do you choose?
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Get and Keep a MAN!

Angelism: “If you desire love & a relationship but you spend your days busy with work, family & friends you will end up alone. Make flirting, dating & getting to know people a priority so you can find the soulmate that you crave.” 

Is dating a nightmare for you? Are you the bootie call girl? Have you not had sex in years because you are too scared you will take all the wrong steps and end up in another bad relationship? If yes, this BLOG is for you. The list below are the steps (in order) to help you get and keep a man. Follow this process with a man that interests you from the very beginning and I bet that you will find a relationship that will last longer than 3 months. No more being the girl that can’t keep a guy. Step up your game and make yourself a trophy worth winning and being proud of. Any man who can’t handle this process is not worth keeping. Here goes… it won’t be easy but finding a good love never is.
1) Always let the man ask for your phone number and let him call you. This is the absolute first most important thing to do. If a man is interested he will ask for your number, he will call you, and he will set up a date. Never call him first, and only call to return a phone call. When you return a phone call YOU ONLY CALL ONCE. If he doesn’t call back then move on. Don’t tell yourself stories that he may not have gotten the message. Please don’t give a man your number if you are not interested. Just as you don’t want your time wasted, don’t waste his. If you are worried no man will ever ask for your number feel free to flirt and show interest in a man to give him the hint that you are attracted to him but that’s as far as you go. If they ask for your number and a date great! If not move on and flirt with someone else. 
2) When he does call you, sound interested but not desperate. There is a difference. Responding, “It’s nice to hear from you,” is showing interest. Responding, “I’ve been wondering if you were going to call,” sounds desperate. Once a man senses you’re desperate he will become uninterested and will likely only hook up with you because he can take you for the roller coaster ride of late night bootie calls. He will show you little attention and you will want him anyway because you are needy for that attention. He knows this and it should be no surprise to you if you get treated this way. Expect more, show interest, but let him make the moves.
3) Never ask him on a date. Don’t even mention dating on the phone if you can prevent it. Talk with him and if the call ends with no date planned, that is OK. Keep him guessing. He will likely call back and schedule a date once he gets a vibe from your conversation. Again, if he is interested he will call you! Don’t be in a rush or be pushy. If he asks for you to call him, tell him you prefer that he calls you. Give him a reason to fill a need of yours and meet your expectation. Asking that he calls you is easily achievable for him and respectful to you.
4) If you do go on a date, be prepared. Know where you are going, how you should be dressed, tell a friend your location so that someone knows your whereabouts and don’t look trashy. It is OK to dress sophisticated or a little sexy but don’t show up with it all hanging out. Begging for attention by the use of your body sends the wrong message. You should have more to offer than that, like your personality, goals, accomplishments and beliefs. Think about this ladies. If you are looking for a soul mate, someone that you will spend the rest of your life with, they need to love you for your mind because your body is not going to look hot forever.
5) On a date take mental notes of things you have in common. Is this really someone you could like/ love? Are you attracted to him? Ask questions to get to know him. Make conversation interactive. It should not be all about him nor should it be all about you. The whole point of dating and courting is to get to know one another to see if this person has compatibility with you. If you feel there is nothing in common, you will be grateful you didn’t dress provocatively and give him the wrong idea. You can kindly wrap up the date and say, “Thank you for a nice evening out.” 
6) NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex with a man on the first date. This is always a bad choice and often ruins something that can be good. Of course all men want to “do it” all the time, whenever they can however they are more proud and respectful of a woman when they need to earn her love. Let him prove to you that he has what it takes for you to be intimate with him. You call the shots. Your sex is a gift that should be given a little later. A gift of trust, respect and promise that this relationship has what it takes to go to the next level. Make it important and special.
7) Always have safe sex. If you want peace of mind for the two of you, get on some form of birth control immediately. I think if you are comfortable with the birth control pill and you are dating and having sex, you should use birth control to avoid any accidents. One wild night can really screw up your path. Also, and this is the hardest one for most people, GET TESTED. I know for me, I will not sleep with a man that won ‘t get tested. I don’t want an STD. I have known too many people who have gotten the gift that keeps on giving like AIDS and Herpes. Protecting your body is your job not his. He can wrap it up in a condom and assume it will be OK but if that rubber breaks guess what girlfriend? You are screwed. What if he has had 3-5 partners since the last time he was tested? All it takes is one partner and anything is possible. Be safe. Be smart. Be responsible. Going and getting tested together within the first month can create a bond. Plus it sets a standard of pride, intimacy and monogamy in your relationship. It works, trust me. As far as I am concerned if he says, “NO,” to your request to get tested he is a high risk guy to be involved with. 
8) When you do have sex for the first time you should be comfortable enough to really let yourself go. You know that you put in the time to get to know him, he has proved his interest in you by courting you and giving you his quality attention, you confirmed that the both of you are clean and STD free and you have a plan to prevent a pregnancy scare. Now you can go for it! Let it all hang out. Think of how great that night will be if you have waited and worked on connecting first as spiritual beings not sexual beings. I can have an orgasm just thinking about that amazing moment. 
9) Once you guys are dating, committed and having sex, always communicate. Make time to get to know each other’s friends and family. Make love a goal and a priority. Always keep him guessing. Have your independence outside of him. Make your own friends, work at your personal hobbies and follow your passions that are for you, not influenced by him. This will keep him intrigued and interested in constantly getting to know you.
10) Smile and be happy, you have landed yourself a loving relationship that has a solid start!
These are steps that have proven to work for me. When I used them, I was successful in landing a good man. When I have not used them, I made a mess out of dating. I know this is hard to process, almost seems impossible. This approach takes about 4-6 weeks. Waiting 4-6 weeks before having sex is not that much time when the result of that time taken to get to know one another will lead to a high quality, safe and intimate bond. If everything you are currently doing is not working for you then try this. It does not hurt to have a goal to be responsible and respectful about dating. This way is not the only way to land a man however it’s a respectful way to approach your dating habits. It will lead you to the right kind of man for you. That’s not to say you will find love that lasts forever. No matter how hard we try we never know if love will last forever. If you find a good love, started by a strong bond such as the one you can create while practicing these behaviors, your companionship stands a better chance of lasting through the years. This list is a way to hold yourself accountable and have a higher expectation so you can weed out the losers and find the man that will step up and stand out. Good luck!
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Don’t Sleep w/ People You Don’t Know!

Angelism: “Sex is just sex. Dating is the process of falling in love. Casual sex before dating will likely lead to no dates just booty calls. Sorry.”
When is the right time to have sex? This question has many women confused. Plenty of you are being taken advantage of by men, settling for whatever is available in the moment, and hoping it will lead to some lasting relationship. I mean it when I say, “Don’t sleep with people you don’t know!” If you are on a first date, there is no way you have a clue who this person is so keep your legs closed and your shirt on. If you make it to a second date, there is still no chance you have any idea what this man’s past looks like or what lies he may be telling you. If you land a third date, he may actually LIKE you so don’t act easy and give it up. You may think you have shown confidence and pride by holding out until the third date, however I think it’s too early to hand out a free ride. You will never convince me that after three dates you know or love a person enough to sleep with them. You can have an idea about someone but if you have sex, it’s essentially with a stranger. 
It’s a rarity that someone truly knows a partner after three months of dating. If you were unaware of this concept before now, take note that getting to know someone requires time. Quit being in such a rush. Do not give up your golden ticket, box, hoo-hoo, beaver, chi-chi, va-jay-jay or whatever you like to call it. Your love is the greatest gift you can give a man and it should not be given out to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Have some self respect and make a man earn your love. Casual sex is great if you can handle it, but many of you can’t and are looking for love and getting nothing but douche bags because you are too busy giving out FREE rides! 
This is very serious topic for me. I do not mean to come off harsh but this one-night stand, heartbreak and low self-esteem cycle women go through needs to end. Sleeping with guy after guy and going nowhere in a relationship can’t be satisfying. Many of you don’t sleep around much but still give it up immediately with the few men you date. What are you thinking? A REAL MAN likes a chase. His only goal is to earn your love. He wants to work for your attention because that is what turns him on. To do this you have to hold out on sex. You have to give him a reason to want to get to know you first. If you give him sex right away, he will either think you are easy and he won’t call you back, or he will only call you back for a booty-call. Neither of these options are going to get you a shiny diamond ring and a wedding date. Next time you are on a date remember this Angelism, “If you don’t know him, don’t sleep with him.” 
I want to clarify that I think casual sex is fine. Many people can meet once and have a sexcapade that they will remember the rest of their life. That’s great! Have one for me while you are at it. This blog is for all the women who are looking for love but making dumb, desperate, single girl mistakes. It’s not to say that people can’t fall in love and marry after sleeping together on a first date. Crazier things have happened. I speak from experience when I say, “Let the man have an opportunity to hunt you down. Make him want you, be curious about you, be into you, like you, listen to you and fall madly in love with you.” After all, this is the best part of a relationship. It’s after the dating sex and the, “I do,” that the real work begins. Enjoy the chase, expect it, and promise me, “You will not sleep with people you don’t know!”
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Tips for a Good Relationship

Angelism: “Always remember LOVE should FEEL GOOD. If that feeling is not there the majority of the time, move on. If you do feel the love, buckle up and enjoy the ride!”

 
In a few weeks I will be celebrating my 17th anniversary. Not all 17 years have been a walk in the park but they have not been awful either. Many relationships thrive on the bad. I am proud to say that mine excels because of the good. We are not married, and that is our choice. We have lived together 16+ years, we don’t have children, and we still enjoy dating like we did in the beginning. He is 38, I’m 40, and after 17 years of love, we are look forward to our future together. In case any of you are interested in what has worked for us, here are some of my personal tips for a successful relationship.
1) Communicate, communicate, communicate. We were not always good at this and at the 7 year mark we were not doing this successfully. With some professional guidance, our love kept us together and we were able to learn how to get back on the same page and communicate. Without quality, honest communication, your relationship is doomed. With good communication you learn about individual needs and then you can come together to meet those needs. Only when you know what each other wants can you decide if you are a good match.
2) Sex, sex, and more sex. An intimate relationship is key to keeping it interesting. You have to desire your partner. They need to feel like they are the only one for you. You have to kiss, hug, pinch, leave love notes, plan for some wild nights out and enjoy one another in an intimate way. You don’t have to swing from the ceiling, dress in bondage, and do uncomfortable freaky things to get your partner’s attention; but you have to want them. If you don’t someone else will.
3) Play, play, play! Go on dates. Make time to laugh. Be in a good mood more often than a bad one. Find time to have fun. Take vacations or a quick one night getaway. Schedule a babysitter and plan a date. Take a stroll through the park and chase each other. Play a board game and whoever loses has to do whatever the winner wants. There are so many easy ways to be playful with your partner. Having a fun attitude about life will keep things light and exciting.
4) Love, love, love. Never fall out of love. Get mad, have your moments, and take time to breathe through them. Don’t let your mind take over what your heart wants. Your mind will always make a bigger deal out of something than it is. Your heart will do what’s right, if you listen to it. When your mind thinks the love is not strong enough and your relationship is not worth it, take time. Most often you are in love and you don’t want to leave but you are having a rough moment. If you know in your heart your love is good, don’t give up on it.
5) Grow, grow, grow. Grow together always. Life will change, family will interfere, and illness and financial stresses will consume you. Make a commitment to the relationship to grow through the ups and downs together. Change is inevitable. Embrace it and come together when faced with change rather than falling apart. Couple-hood means negotiating so that you can compromise and grow together.
6) Support, support, support. Give support and you will get it in return. Not every decision will be agreed upon. Support your partner when a change needs to happen. If it’s going back to school, quitting a job, moving to a new town, losing weight, or even changing one’s appearance, support one another. You must be your mates #1 fan.
7) Freedom, freedom, freedom. Give your lover freedom. Not everything needs to be done together. Having time apart will bring you closer together. Putting restrictions on what your mate can and can’t do, is going to scare them away. Plus, trying to control what your partner does, and who they hang out with, only shows how insecure you are which is incredibly unattractive. Freedom from always having to be around to entertain each other helps a relationship mature.
8) Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. We all have some kind of expectation. Some are realistic and others are demanding and unnecessary. If you have wants and needs express them, set a boundary and stick to it. For example: “I have dated and lived with you for two years. I want to be married. If we can’t get married by end of next year, I can’t stay in this relationship anymore.” That’s a clear, respectable boundary, that is realistic in its time frame. If your partner can’t step up and give you what you want, you leave. The only way to ever get what you want, is to set a boundary and stick to it. This is how you can be taken seriously.
9) Trust, trust, trust. Giving your partner your trust is a true gift. Have faith that your lover will show up for you. Trust that they have your best interest at heart. Trust that you are the only one for them. Trust that they tell the truth. Give trust and don’t look for reasons or clues to mistrust. If you have to take it to the level of investigating, sneaking around and trying to catch your mate in a lie, then you have no business being with that person. You should never have to check a cell phone, spy on emails, read through bank accounts or follow your mate. Either you trust, or you leave. I have a whole blog on this. Trust is a must! 
10) Listen, listen, listen. I have to admit I am not the best listener. This is something I had to learn the hard way. Since I always feel I have the better plan, something smarter to say, or more knowledge on a topic, I often offer up commentary but don’t always listen to feedback. I have gotten much better at this in the last couple of years. Listening allows you to follow up later on the same topics and be in the know about them. Doing this will make your partner feel important, heard and validated. Say less, and listen more. It really works.
These are my top 10 tips for a great relationship. When you get to a place of incorporating all these tips, the relationship becomes easy. The relationship ends up working for you rather than you working for the relationship. Don’t make love more complicated than it is. My hope for all is that you find the love you always dreamed of. That what you experience in a relationship is joy, happiness, calm and trust; not anxiety, hate, anger and mistrust. It is possible. You decide when you get into a relationship what it will look like and what is acceptable. The power is in your hands.
P.S. Final thought… Life is NOT a fantasy so quit dreaming. Not all relationships are built to last forever. That is the goal but not always the outcome. Enjoy the moment and appreciate what you have today. I don’t know that the love I have today will be here 10 years from now. If it is, great! If it’s not meant to last, then that’s OK too. When you surrender the fairytale fantasy, you take a lot of pressure off your relationship and can enjoy it one day at a time!