Analyzing Friends

Angelism: “Not all friendships are meant to last. Identify the ones that are worth investing your time in and move on from the ones that bring you down.” 



I consider myself to be a bit of a social butterfly. I have known many people in my day and have been close to a good chunk of them. Some friends I loved then disliked, a few I disliked, then loved, and a couple I wish I never invested my quality time in. Some friends I’m happy only being acquaintances with, and other friends I can’t imagine my life without. No matter what level of closeness, there are a few things I have learned. There are a variety of personality categories in which I can sort the people I have known. Here is an analysis of the kinds of friends I have encountered over the years. I do my best to keep my tight knit group filled with friends who always have my back and know that I have theirs in return. What types of friends have you experienced?
The Constant Complainer: This friend will eventually turn on you. Out of all the kinds of friends this one is the worst. There are many traits to notice in the early stages of your friendship so try to nip the annoyances in the bud ASAP. Here are some things this type of friend does:1) Bitches simply to bitch, is rude and inappropriate. Very embarrassing. 2) Makes every unfortunate situation relate to her. 3) Makes outbursts towards others for no apparent reason. 4) Passes the buck any time you try to call her out on something. 5) Tough to love because she is very insecure and emotionally charged. 6) Cries often or acts out for attention.
It’s All About Me: This is a friend that you are always waiting on. She calls the shots and makes all of the decisions. She has to look her best, must get her way and makes every conversation relate back to her. Her friendship sometimes feels fake since it’s all about her, all the time. Things this friend does: 1) Makes everyone else late because her make-up and outfit is the number one priority. 2) Makes all the decisions for the group and pouts if she doesn’t get her way. 3) Answers her phone when hanging out with you and is not at all apologetic for ditching your conversation. 4) Bumps into a friend while at the mall and doesn’t think to introduce you. She just ignores you while she gives five minutes of undivided attention to the other person. 5) Drops everything for a guy’s attention.Fragile and Insecure: This friend gets on your nerves time and time again. There is only so much you can to do lift the spirits of this insecure woman. This is a girl trapped in her childhood, still looking for acceptance and a place in this world. Daddy issues are an understatement. Traits of this friend are: 1) The art of energy sucking. She will take every ounce of positive energy you have and suck you dry. No matter how much good you give to her it will never be enough. 2) Paranoia runs through the veins of this friend. She is always worried that you are mad at her or that something is wrong if you went a day, week or month without chatting. 3) Flakes a lot because being in the real world is too scary. 4) Talks crazy. The slightest change in events can send this person into a dark hole of depression. 5) This person cries a lot and never because she is happy. She is like a pathetic little puppy dog begging for attention.

Financially Troubled: This is your friend who has no idea how to manage money. She may be the friend who refuses to work or possibly makes a good living yet never has any money when you go out. She can’t manage her finances and it hurts your friendship. This friend usually: 1) Goes out and somehow orders the most expensive thing and never adds in the right amount of tax or tip. 2) Expects you to spot her if her credit card declines. 3) Is not good at REMEMBERING to pay you back. 4) Forgets to get you gifts for your birthday and holidays. 5) Can drink a five-dollar Starbucks in front of you while complaining about having no money for gas for her car.
Liars: This is the friend you have to always pay attention to. This friend tells stories that never match up. She tells white lies so often that she puts little effort into covering them up. You sometimes feel like you are the crazy one. You don’t understand why she lies, you just know she does. What you get from this friend is: 1) An avoidance of certain topics and plenty of mumbling when you try to line up or challenge the current stories. 2) Complete unawareness that what she told you Monday is different from what she is telling you on Friday. 3) Tells one friend one thing, her boyfriend another thing and you something else. When the three of you try and match up her stories you are all totally confused. 4) When you call this friend out on her lies she plays dumb and refuses to admit she lied. 5) This friend has a fear of looking stupid and feels more confident telling people what sounds good rather than what’s real.
All About the Boy: This is the friend who won’t leave her boyfriend/ husband’s side no matter what you do. Many times this is not because of the guy but because they now identify themselves as the companion of this person so the two are now one (even though they are still two). Often these women do the following: 1) Refuse to go anywhere where their man is not invited. 2) They baby-sit the man because they don’t trust him to be alone. 3) This girl falls off the face of the earth as soon as she is in a relationship. 4) She smothers her man and sticks up for him when she shouldn’t. 5) Lies to her girlfriends about what is really going on.
Victim: This is the friend who has it worse off that you. They have been molested, abused, cheated on, lied to, and have suffered more tragedy than the average person. Their identity is glued to their fucked up life experiences. This friend likely:1) Reminds you constantly that you will never understand her situation. 2) Complains all the time about how somebody did this to her. 3) Takes no blame for anything – she’s good, everyone else is bad. 4) Tells a lot of the same depressing stories and chooses to do nothing to better them. 5) Continues to find the same drama everywhere she goes.
Fun, Fun, Fun: This is the friend that never slows down. All she wants to do is party. She lives her life in the fast lane and you struggle to keep up. She will forever be 21! Qualities of this friend are:1) Complete denial of her age and unwillingness to grow up. 2) Puts herself at risk constantly being in party girl mode. 3) Lacks being responsible in daily life because she’s always looking for her next adrenaline rush. 4) She can’t understand why you are passing on another beer pong party or why you would miss the local happy hour. 5) Parties all night, sleeps all day and looks worn out all the time.
Workaholic: This friend is buried in her work. It defines her and is her identity. This is where she feels secure. Her success in the workplace if what gives her purpose. This friend is likely to do the following:1) Miss all events because of work. 2) Talk to you only about her work life and goals. 3) Obsess about pay, promotions and hours. 4) Play on her computer or phone in front of you constantly so she can stay connected with the job. 5) Make it sound as though her job is more important than yours.
Totally Loyal: Every girl strives to have girlfriends that are totally loyal. I’m proud to say I have a few in my life who have really stood the test of time. A loyal friend is like a good husband. No matter how many good and bad times you experience, no matter how many categories above they may fall under at certain times in the friendship, a loyal friend sticks with you. Traits of a loyal girlfriend are: 1) No matter what the fight or disagreement there is an expectation that nothing will interfere with the love and trust you experience in your friendship. 2) You are brutally honest and it’s considered a luxury. Your opinion matters and your thoughts are always valid. 3) They are good listeners. They have a compassionate ear yet can tell you the truth and you accept it. 4) Every day is a blessing in your friendship. This is not a friend who will ever take advantage of you. 5) This is a person that no matter how many times they move, change numbers or get new emails, you are one they will never lose touch with.
I think it’s wonderful to experience friends from all these categories, possibly have friends that possess multiple types of these personalities. Being diverse in your way of thinking and flexible with different kinds of people helps you with your patience and teaches you to set boundaries. It also helps you understand more about your own personality. If anything, I have come to accept that everyone is different and the sooner I can assess their differences the easier it is for me to enjoy my time and friendship with them.
Are you attracted to a certain kind of friend? If so, why? What kind of friends do you want in your life and what can you do today to make sure that you surround yourself with that type of person? Does this blog raise awareness for you that maybe it’s time to separate from certain people and put your effort into the ones that really deserve it? I hope if anything this blog got you thinking.
Cheers to friendship!

Two Sides of My Soul

Angelism: “I choose happy because happy is a choice.”

Today I bring up an interesting topic, a way of looking inside your soul that you may have not thought of before. I have always felt that I have two lives. You might be thinking that I’m living in the dark under two different names not sure of who I am. Not the case. However I have discovered that I have a bad life and a good life. I’m well aware of my existence and the twists and turns it’s taken, but what I’m most fascinated with is my ability to choose one life over the other. It’s as if my soul knows the feeling of two personalities but chooses one.
I was raised by a variety of people. My parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, extended family, acquaintances in the workplace, and friends, all played a part in the person that I have become. Books and prayer have also influenced me at certain times in my life. Even TV has helped my personality grow. Thanks to kind-hearted individuals like Oprah, I believe that the world can be a better place. It’s these relationships and experiences that have helped mold me to think the way I do and for that I am ever so grateful.
I’ve learned that the world is filled with two kinds of people: the positive (uppers) and the negative (downers). No matter how hard I try to be good, I’ll always be surrounded by someone or something that wants to bring me down. I know that it’s my choice to live one of these two ways. Unfortunately, good and bad things happen regardless of my efforts. It can be challenging to get through the day when you know it’s all up to chance and that what’s here one minute, could be gone the next.
Because of my consistent happy and outgoing personality, I don’t get much sympathy from others. This is mainly my doing because I don’t seek it. If there is a problem, I find a solution. I don’t dwell for long nor do I bring others down with me. Since I have the ability to manage life without much comfort from others, what many people don’t realize is that I have been broken. Not just a few hits here and there, but truly emotionally and physically damaged. I can think of handfuls of events that got me so low I’m surprised I’m still standing. Life has brought me loss, pain, misfortune, anxiety, conflict, stress and disappointment. I have been let down, forgotten, lied to, mistreated, disowned and crapped on by people I cared for and trusted. In past moments of pure disappointment, I have acted evil and said and done things I am not proud of. I can easily wake up every day and dwell in my misery if I wanted to.
On the flip side I know I’m an amazing person. I have been blessed in numerous ways and any negative experience I have had, has taught me an important lesson. Many of the people who have let me down, have also lifted me up. That’s what I hold onto. I have experienced love, praise, support, commitment, fun, intimacy and adventure. I have people who truly believe in me and stand by all that I do. My family and friends, who I hold so dear, have proven that no matter what gets in the way nothing will break our bond. When I think of these positive moments in my life, times of pure laughter and joy, I am carried. I think, “How dare I ever put energy elsewhere.” Happy is my home and my heart. I have the gift of joy because I decided long ago to use my energy to love people and life and set boundaries with those who let me down and are a negative force. My faith, trust, love and vulnerability confirm for me that no matter what happens – life is good.
So how does one get through the confusion of good versus evil, love versus hate, rich versus poor, friend versus enemy and luck versus jinxed? The way I see it is you can be a victim or a hero. When you are a victim, a downer, or a negative person, everything you think and do comes out through you with a negative, mistrusting force. A victim believes life isn’t fair. They can’t maintain relationships or nurture healing. Their walls are so high that no matter how hard you try, you keep ending up in the same dysfunctional situations. Their dramatic, disrespectful and rude behavior gets the best of them. I understand this dark, ugly place. I have been there and know people who live there full-time. Many times I have asked, “Why must it be so hard? Why must you kick me when I’m down? Why don’t people understand and respect me?” I can go on for days with desperate questions that have no answers or I can embrace the positive side of my soul that heals all wounds. One of my favorite Angelisms quotes says, “I choose happy because happy is a choice.” Since happy is a choice, I want to appreciate my life and celebrate its ups and downs. I know in my heart and in my mind that this is the way life should be.
It’s easy to get lost in life, feel confused about emotions and wonder why you always get the short end of the stick. It’s easier to go with the crowd or side with those that are dramatic and negative than to take a stand for a positive thought. Gossip always comes quicker than praise. What’s even easier is to beat people to the punch. You might figure if you can point out your flaws and life struggles before they do, then it will hurt less. Most of us have a problem looking at ourselves in the mirror and being wholeheartedly proud of what we see. The result of that is living in anger and disappointment which doesn’t lead to a happy soul.
Some people would love to walk a day in my shoes and others would not try on a pair if I paid them. The important thing for me is knowing which pair of shoes to wear in this life. I can wallow in the 5-inch heels that cripple me, cause pains in my legs, feet and knees, and show something to others that I’m not proud of, or I can choose to wear my sneakers. I know for sure that it’s in my sneakers I am comfortable, free spirited and ready to soak in all that the world has to offer.
I understand the struggles of having the Devil on one shoulder and an Angel on the other. I, like many of you, have to pick which life to make my story. I won’t pretend that I wake up on the right side of the bed every morning. Those of you who follow my BLOGS know I like to complain and vent a time or two. No matter how tough a day in my life can get, at the end of the day I know I’m at peace. What I choose is what’s right for me. I make every effort to live my life with respect, honesty, love and heartfelt consideration. Many of my decisions are driven by my desire to have fun and be a free spirit. My life, if I analyze it, can go either way; victim or hero, good or bad, positive or negative. As you have learned, my soul chooses happy so I am my own hero. Which life do you choose?