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Mental Health Awareness Month Matters

My first everything without M🖤M
Angelism: Sometimes it’s the people closest to you, the ones you love the most, who do the heartbreaking unthinkable and you question did I know you at all?
The month of May means so much to me. Not only is it May Gray Brain Tumor Awareness Month (I am a survivor), but it’s Mental Health Awareness Month, which is a field of medicine I work in. This month I decided to open up about the loss of my mother and share it with my patient population as well as all who care to read. I hope that sharing this will help someone in need, but for now, grab a tissue before you read! 😢 

The bond between a mother and daughter is woven with threads of love, understanding, and unwavering support throughout life. It’s a bond that transcends words, a silent understanding that speaks volumes in the quiet moments shared. Spiritually, it is the unspoken “I love you” that is felt no matter how far apart. Through laughter and tears, triumphs and challenges, a mother and daughter navigate life’s journey together. In the beginning, holding on tight in one another’s arms, in the grade school years hanging on hand in hand, as young adults connecting more like sisters, and, as we grow into mature adults, we build a friendship and have an unwavering family commitment to one another. The connection may be challenged at some points, but the bond is unbreakable and endures all the seasons of life. 

This Mother’s Day was a first for me and was challenging to find the light in. For those who do not know, I lost my mother suddenly last year. Losing a loved one is never easy, but losing a mother to suicide in my late 40s is a pain that cuts deep, truly to the very core of my existence. It’s a loss that has left a void that seems impossible to fill, a wound that may never heal. In the aftermath of such a tragedy, my emotions swirled like a storm, ranging from profound sadness and disbelief to anger and guilt. Questions of “why?” and “how?” bombard my mind endlessly, each one more agonizing than the last. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! After all, I work in mental health, and we often talked about my mom’s anxiety and depression struggles. But how did I NOT KNOW my 68-year-old mother was suicidal? What could I have done differently? How am I now part of this life-changing statistic?

There are no words, only heartbreak. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions, so much so that the word overwhelming is not even big enough to express. The variety of intense feelings felt like my head and heart were drowning with no hope for relief. I share this with you today because I know our community gets it. I truly believe I had the safest place to fall. Working in the mental health field for the last 7+ years was meant to be. I can’t imagine how I would have even made it through this time in life without my compassionate team, this life-saving medicine, and all my dear loved ones who wrapped their arms around me, refused to let go, and cried through the pain with me.  In my giant and heavy sea of darkness, there is a glimmer of hope—a flicker of light that presents itself and reminds me of the love and memories I shared with my beautiful mother. I know she would want me to keep on crushing life. She would 100% be saying “You go girl, you can do anything!” It’s in these moments of remembrance and hearing her voice in my head that I find solace.  

Speaking of solace, there is an amazing peer-to-peer group named Solace, based here in LA, that offers weekly virtual suicide survivor support. It has been a huge help. I truly believe in taking the time to heal no matter what life throws you. I took 4 months off, did weekly therapy and EMDR work, endlessly played the music that Mom and I adored, combed through decades of photos capturing our good times, and even made some custom jewelry out of her sparkly collection to honor her life. Probably the most healing of all my efforts was being vulnerable with my amazing team here at KCLA and getting some ketamine infusions. I don’t think I could have made it through any of these dark days without immediately facing ALL the pain. There are no shortcuts and no time limits on the road to healing. My new motto is “The only way through the pain is through the pain!” 

Given it is Mental Health Awareness Month, I felt it necessary to share my story. It’s essential to remember that healing is not a linear process. It’s okay to not be okay, to lean on others for support, and to seek professional help when needed. While the pain of losing a mother to suicide may never fully dissipate, with time, love, and support, I am confident I will feel a sense of peace and acceptance, honoring her memory always as I navigate the journey of grief with all of us who miss her dearly.  

Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day Mom! You are with me always.   

❤Angel
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The Importance of I Love You!

love
share love
Angelism: To be in love you must be vulnerable, free of baggage, judgment, walls, fears & control.

Love has always been in my life. I receive it from my family, friends, mates, neighbors, clients, pets, and even strangers. Love is at the top of my list. I have always felt love and I enjoy sharing my gift of love with those I care about. I hold love near and dear to my heart. I love myself first because I’m a good person who deserves to be a priority. I love every ounce of who I am, good and bad. I refuse to let anyone take a loving heart away from me.

The love I have for myself fuels me to give unconditional love to others. Love feels wonderful and is the best thing I can give. I’ve realized over the years that people go days, months, and even years without hearing the three most beautiful words of I LOVE YOU. Many people think that if you throw “I love you” around, it becomes less special. I think anyone who feels that, has spent a lifetime not hearing it in the true, caring, passionate, considerate, and blessed meaning that it holds. Not everyone feels “I love you” is necessary in life. For me it is. When it’s my time to leave this earth, I want to leave knowing that the last three words I said to those in my life that I care for was, “I love you.” It’s meaningful, heartfelt, and lucky for me it’s FREE.  

Do you have enough love in your life? If not maybe you are not prioritizing it or you are not open to giving and receiving it. As children, if we are not shown what love looks like, it’s hard to accept it and give it back. You may strive for it by trying to get attention or falling for the wrong kind of love. You may push sincere love away because of fear it’s too intense. Love feels scary and sometimes appears too good to be true. Take out the self-sabotaging thoughts and allow your heart to open, be vulnerable, and be full of love. Give love to others and it comes back to you with more warmth than you could ever imagine. Give love unconditionally and share love with many types of people, not just your parents or your lover. Love is the greatest gift we can give and our world needs much more of it.  

I want to say, “Thank you, to all who love me. Your love is appreciated and I love you too!”

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Trust is a Must

Angelism: Trust is a must, without it you have nothing.

 
Trust is a must! This Angelism hits home for many of us. For me, trust is a non-negotiable. In a relationship, there is no room for questioning one another. If you can’t sleep at night because you are questioning the honesty of your companion then I think you should reconsider the relationship. Little fibs here and there that add up to nothing are not what I’m talking about. A trust issue is when you are wondering “Where is my mate? Who currently has his/her time and attention? Why can’t he/she pick up the phone?” When you start asking these questions and you begin doing things like Internet investigating, cell phone snooping, Instagram/ Twitter/ Facebook stalking, and pocket checking – then you have a problem.
 
Now we must not get all crazy and mistrust our loved ones for no reason. Making a big deal out of little fibs is a waste of time. The big stuff though like: cheating, Internet chatting, porn addictions, gambling, alcohol, staying out late, happy-ending massages, not communicating, and being disrespectful, is not OK. I know some people who have had success going back with their companion after infidelity and kudos to them because I don’t know how they did it. For me, I could not sleep at night if I knew my lover had broken our bond. My pride is too high to allow me to be treated in a way that is so damaging to my trust. I can’t say I won’t change this point of view someday but I can say that so far in life once you give up on me, I give up on you. Show me your true colors and I will pass on healing that relationship. I don’t give up easily. I’m flexible with learning, growing, and forgiving. Real trust shows up in the hard times. Getting along is easy, it’s when things get rocky that trust needs to be maintained to pull relationships through.
 
My point here is that trust needs to be at the top of your priority list. You should be able to sleep at night, free of drama and fear of heartbreak. Live each day knowing that those you surround yourself with are loving and honorable people, that they have your back, and they trust that in turn, you have theirs. Give trust and you will receive it. If someone proves to you they can’t be trusted, let it go and move on. It’s OK for relationships not to work out or to have an end. For every end, there is a new beginning. Put your energy into those people that offer the very beautiful gift of trust and I’m confident your life will feel safe and joyful.
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Never Waste Summertime!

Beachside
Time to relax

Angelism: Never waste summertime! Bask in the longer days, warm and relaxing nights, adventurous vacations, and fun in the sun. Summer is meant for making memories, creating special moments, and most importantly taking time for yourself.

Summer is a wonderful season for adventure and fun. My passion and excitement for the summertime began early on. The idea of being off for almost three months at a time during my school years was always something to look forward to. As a kid, my family did not vacation much, but the pool days, theme park adventures, sleepovers with friends, and our family BBQs were all memorable moments. As I got older, in my late teens and early 20’s I developed a genuine desire to see and do more in this great big world. I moved to Los Angeles, where I have now happily lived for almost 20 years, and I did this knowing I would always feel like I am on vacation. Additional travel outside of life here in LA is truly a bonus.

There is something to be said for going to new places and experiencing life there. The people, culture, food, environment, and general laws and regulations vary significantly from state to country. Opening my eyes to these new ways of life, I quickly learned that mindset and social responsibility values are heavily influenced by the environments in which we live. What you choose to believe and make of the world around you is largely dependent on what your day-to-day experiences offer you. Because of my openness to immerse myself in these new communities, I feel like I have become a more accepting and personable human.

Despite fear or desire to be alone with your beliefs, I encourage everyone to get out there. Start small if you must. Take a short weekend adventure and grab your meals at a popular local restaurant rather than the hotel you reside in. Consider going to the beach or lake, rather than hanging poolside at your Airbnb, and shop in the local malls and markets to live as they do. Engage with the employees along the way who serve you, and those strangers who sit next to you on the train. Take the opportunity to get to know someone new, and learn how they view life there. Consider a nearby park for an outdoor concert or lunch date, and if you are religious, attend a local mass. You may even make a friend for life along the way or discover your retirement relocation goals. 

Making memories matters…

Wishing you joyful summer vibes, get outside, and have some fun while you still can!

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My Life A Year Post Brain Surgery

Angelism: Nothing is ever really behind you… if something happened to you, and your experience was truly memorable (good or bad), it’s only a matter of time before that ingrained memory appears again.

As with any victim of trauma, once you face something bigger than you can wrap your head around, it takes over and becomes a part of you. This experience or circumstance doesn’t have to stop you, or consume your life,  but it is a part of your story and a reason at times you will fall back a step or two. When fight-or-flight hits, no matter how many people tell you to move through it and forget about it; the visions, memories, emotion, and weight of the experience, can, does, and inevitably comes back. How you choose to manage it is what matters.

Many of you know I had brain surgery last year on 12/12/18. A year ago this month, I was very unsure of what the hell was going to become of my life. Although I was confident I would power through, the unknown was terrifying. It was a personal journey that I had to brave. Though I had support and love all around me, I was the one who was about to have a hole drilled in my head. I had to wake up every day knowing this shitty situation was all mine to manage. I am happy to report I am on the other side of a successful craniotomy and thus far have recovered well.  As of now that large olive sized tumor invading space in my brain is no longer there. Now, I spend a lifetime praying it doesn’t return.

Fortunately, in the last six months or so, I have thought very little about what I went through. My surgery and condition comes up in conversation once in awhile and I move through the chatter quite quickly. I still feel the scar when I scratch my head, I see the wispy hairs of a variety of lengths growing back to remind me of the trauma to my skull, and occasionally I feel some weird sensations in my head; thankfully overall I feel good and I have moved on. Life resumed as usual for me, it simply did not stop moving forward because I had a traumatic experience. I’ve been doing well and I am pleased with the results.

Now, this is where my Angelism comes in: Nothing is ever really behind you… if something happened to you, and your experience was truly memorable (good or bad), it’s only a matter of time before that ingrained memory appears again. This quote could not be more true. I found myself yesterday in line at the grocery store, reviewing my  Facebook (FB) memories, when BOOM! Publicly tears welled up in my eyes, tears I could not fight. There I stood, reading my social media post that I created the day before my surgery announcing to my family and friends my diagnosis and the procedure I was about to endure. In this post I asked them for prayers and well wishes. The wave of unstoppable emotions simply took over. I paid for my groceries and quickly went to my car where I was compelled  to read through over 200 FB comments. It was beyond overwhelming. I was sad, happy, angry, scared, and super emotional, for no REAL reason. In this unexpected moment, all the feels came rushing back.

Hitting this one-year milestone post brain surgery has apparently triggered some PTSD that I could not escape. The last 12 months have been a challenge and they have taught me so much. My personal journey was one that took more strength than most people will ever realize.  I have never been a weak person. I always hold my head high, I fight for what I want, I strive to win, and I never give up. I have managed all of this very well and am super proud of myself. I stayed strong and had to fake that strength many days. If I’ve learned one thing it is that vulnerability is one diagnosis away. A diagnosis that can make someone tough like me, feel scared and weak, on any day, of any year, at any stage in life.

These pictures have me wishing I could be that “no worry” kid again. Little Angel had no idea how strong she’d have to be as an adult. A hard day back then was falling off my skateboard or playing outside too long and getting a sunburn. I see my little face and am driven to stay strong because from day one I have always been determined! 

MY BRAIN TUMOR DIAGNOSIS LESSONS:

  • Never give up on yourself or your circumstance. You are always a work in progress and sometimes you have to do work that you did not sign up for. For no good reason, a terrible circumstance will choose you. Be ready to fight!
  • Ask for help. People are willing to assist but often they do not know how to. Tell people what you need, how you would like them to show up for you, and the space they should give you. You will be surprised how willing to help friends and family are when they understand exactly what you want.
  • Get organized. The best gift you can give yourself is to get your shit together. This is good advice for anything in life but it was particularly helpful pre-surgery to have organized my life for three weeks in the future so I just had to power through the healing process free of worry.
  • Seek additional opinions. In my case I met with four well-known neurosurgeons in Los Angeles. I wanted to understand how they would approach my surgery and what the aftercare plan and expectations were. I learned a lot in this process and in the end I went with my gut. It was nice to have options.
  • Say I love you. With any surgery, you simply never know. I’m always very affectionate but I found myself being even more lovey and grateful. Should any of those days have been my last, I wanted people to know just how appreciative I was for my life and them being a part of it.
  • Come up for air. A scary diagnosis or traumatic event for that matter can really drown a person. The anxiety, fear, and nightmares that come uncontrollably require attention and management. I caught myself losing sleep, and having nightmares of my brain bleeding out during surgery. I’d lose my breath at the thought of an unsuccessful surgery and would get stomach pains thinking that I may not make it through this. The symptoms were real, but I fought! I hit the gym, I prayed, and set good intentions. I began to dream of a stronger, better me post surgery. It really helped!
  • Be patient. This was probably my biggest challenge. I am a workaholic. I love to stay busy and when I am not busy I love to venture out, enjoy life, and party. The idea of resting and relaxing, while in pain and not being mobile for three weeks sounded awful. I literally prepped for this by writing myself a letter, reminding me how important it is to remain patient during my healing journey. I still read this letter at times to ground me.

  • Cry and cry some more. Tears are therapeutic. Cry for your old self, cry for your new self, cry for the outpour of love you feel, cry for the inability to connect with someone who understands, cry for the unknown, cry because you are alone, cry because you survived, cry for the pain you see in those who worry for you, cry knowing that you may have conquered this day but possibly someone else was not as lucky, and cry because this is just one step of many in an unknown journey. There are so many reasons to cry, I learned you simply have to shed the tears and move along.
  • Respect that others do not understand and neither do you. Every individual human on this planet has baggage and it is unique and specific to them. What keeps you up at night is not something anyone else will relate to, especially if they do not have a very similar situation to compare it to. I knew I would need support so I  joined two online support groups where I could connect with people on a similar journey. This was the most helpful step I took. I also have a dear friend who had brain surgery two years before me. We are now bonded in a way others cannot relate to. But I highly suggest you accept the fact that people will not understand. They can’t possibly “get it” and to expect otherwise is unfair. Focus on healing you, because you cannot change others to see, feel, and understand that which is your personal journey.
  • Accept that the only guarantee in life is death. I know this sounds morbid and maybe it is. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die ever if I can help it, but I also only want to live if I am well. In this process I became OK with the idea that this could possibly be my time to go. I very proudly LIVE MY LIFE. I travel often, I eat the dessert, and order the extra shot with my beer. I soak in the sun, stay up late, celebrate every moment I can, and I’m not scared to take risks. I am transparent, what you see is what you get! I move with good intention, and I express love and appreciation all the time. I have no unfinished business. I feel whole, so therefore if my life needs to end tomorrow, I know I lived well. Somehow, this acceptance of my beautiful life, with no regrets, and no unfinished business, really gave me a sense of peace. The day of surgery, I got my anesthesia cocktail, closed my eyes, and drifted off to the unknown with complete confidence.

I’m positive there are lessons that I am forgetting but this is what comes to mind in my heightened emotional state. I thank you for reading if you made it this far. Here is a proud picture comparison. Image on left was me about 16 hours before surgery. I probably cried a dozen times that day trying to pump myself up to willingly check into a hospital and let a complete team of strangers drill into my head. To the right is my most recent work photo taken a few months ago. Thank goodness for professional photos giving me a beauty boost. All I can say at this stage is, “WOW what a difference a year makes! Whatever your journey, hang on… the hard days pass and in the end you’re better for it!”

Images below of my memorable day that I am so grateful to have behind me. My surgeon was amazing and he is known for cutting and shaving very little. With so much gratitude I give a shout out to Dr. Daniel Kelly, he was fantastic!

And well, because this is funny and we can all use a laugh…

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Today I Lost My Boyfriend Dylan McKay :(

Angelism: Not all boyfriends have to be real. Some first loves simply teach us through their role on television or through the lyrics in a song. 

Today is a sad day for women around the world. If you were a teen or young adult in the 90’s, your heart is crushed. The passing of Luke Perry has us Gen X kids speechless. Women are in tears reminiscing of their youth crush now gone, and men of this generation are officially questioning their own mortality. Luke Perry, AKA Dylan McKay from 90210, passed away from a stroke today at the age of 52.

As a huge Beverly Hills 90210 fan, I simply must take a moment to share and honor what the character of Dylan McKay taught me.

1)  Bad boys are good!

2) Sideburns are super hot!

3) Denim on denim does work!

4) It’s OK to wait to take the virginity of the girl you love.

5) Have a hot, nice, best friend and one nerdy one.

6) A black convertible old school Porsche makes a guy look damn sexy.

7) Ditch school and go have fun. It’s always worth it!

8) Sometimes getting drunk and passing out is OK.

9) Kiss softly… whisper sweet nothings… buy flowers…. and hold the door for your girl.

10) Losing My Religion to this day is still a good song because every time I hear it I picture Dylan and Brenda making out. So lesson learned, for every good make-out session you gotta have a memorable SONG!

Thank you Luke for being one of my first boyfriends. Your character in 90210 taught me a little bit about what I did and didn’t want in a young guy. Your ability to be tough and cool, all while kind and sweet, was adorable. You taught me about peer pressure, sex, money, drugs, and alcohol. You made it OK to have family issues and personal struggles. You taught me sometimes a man is strong and determined and other times he’s a lost soul. Your character had depth and flavor, and decades later, I still appreciate the gift you gave to me. Rest in peace Luke Perry/ Dylan McKay. I love you!

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Confidence Is Everything

Angelism: CONFIDENCE! Having it is the key to a healthy and wonderful life no matter what your size, sex, color, or social status.

Money can’t buy confidence but if it could it would be worth saving every penny for. I learned long ago that confidence is everything. Today, after watching Rebel Wilson in her newest movie, Isn’t it Romantic, I was reminded of how limiting life can be for people who don’t possess confidence. I can’t stress enough how important it is to know who you are and what you want. We are all unique; self-doubt does not discriminate so don’t let it rule your existence. 

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of Los Angeles. If I had a dollar for every time I have promoted my love for the City of Angels I would be rich. But this is a city you must have confidence in or you are doomed! Surrounded by wealthy, fit, and beautiful people, who are tan, energetic, and always out having fun, can be very intimidating. You have to know and accept your place, not fear being one of many fish in a giant sea, and you must work hard because LA does not hand out favors. I have lived here for sixteen years and I have loved every minute of it. Despite the high-cost and traffic, there is nowhere I’d rather be. I’m confident this is my home and it feels good. I’m not an actress, model, or a rich trust fund baby. Not “having it all” doesn’t deter me, I’m where I want to be and I love living a life I enjoy.

Now back to today’s movie. I so appreciated that it completely dissed on romantic comedy films. It showed all the fake fluff that makes what every day people find dreamy and lust for. I may have mad love for LA, but I dislike the things that make this city feel plastic. Fake-like humans, for example the Kardashians, are not realistic. The average person does not have four hours to get ready or endless funds to look perfect. I think it’s awful how they like to pretend that this is a natural way of going about your days. The amount of vanity that family has is scary. The other plastic side of LA are the fakers. Faking your reality is ridiculous. Be who you are because real people and true friends can read right through you. Using social media outlets like Facebook to try and convince all your hundreds/ thousands of friends that you are happy in your crappy marriage when everyone knows you are on verge of divorce is lame. People can read through your lies and believe me they are laughing and gossiping about you. Be the best you, and enjoy it, even if it’s during a divorce!

Confidence is being the same sexy person whether you are sweaty and gross at the gym or in full make-up ready for the red carpet. It means aging gracefully and accepting the wisdom and adventure that it brings. I’m all for doing a little work to enhance your appearance if you really think it will look nice, but if you get so much Botox your eyes don’t blink, and so many injections that your cheeks don’t move, then you are insecure and people will judge. To earn respect and be appreciated for what you bring to this world DON’T BE FAKE. Have confidence and stop living in fear of what others think.

Life isn’t easy, money doesn’t grow on trees, jobs are disposable, kids are annoying, family members fight, accidents occur, relationships let you down, people are cruel, and shit happens. Be confident that no matter what comes your way you have the smarts to figure it out. Confidence is going to bed with no worries, no wandering thoughts of negativity keeping you up, and no questioning your choices because you trust that you can handle life.
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Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper a couple?

Angelism: Attraction is hard to hide. Even a simple crush can be obvious. Don’t be blind to these connections in your own life.

I know nothing of these two fabulous celebrities personally, but I recognize crushing, goo-goo eyes when I see it! Does anyone else notice the way Gaga looks at Bradley? I cannot be the only one who thinks this. Truly, in my most intimate of moments, I’m not sure I have ever gushed with such intensity for someone, especially publicly. Thus far in the media they are claiming it’s admiration, an instant friendship, and a genuine connection; I’m calling bullshit and stating my theory is that this is (or was) hot and heavy, between the sheets, total infatuation.

This could likely be another Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie awkward situation.  The difference here though is I do not feel that Bradley is as interested in Gaga as one may think. I get the vibe of He’s Just Not That Into You, and  that he is playing nice during award season to maintain the image of their sincere bond and commitment to the story and work. I think Bradley already tapped that ass and is thinking he can ride this out and move along when the buzz of the movie and soundtrack fades.

Don’t get me wrong, I love both of these celebs. I think they are extremely talented and they deserve an insane amount of attention for their work in A Star is Born. Whether they end up together or not, I only wish them the best. But, something tells me there is more to this connection off screen and I can’t wait to watch it unfold in the weeks and months to come. We all know, any kind of knocking-boots on the down-low always surfaces as the cover story in Hollywood. Time will tell!

Read more at CheatSheet.com

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People are FREEZING!

On the way class looking like this! WTF?

Angelism: Climate change is real! The universe continues to show us how angry it is, I suggest we listen and stop resisting.

January 2019 brought an official winter to Los Angeles. Here in SoCal we have been hit with weather so chilly that it has included rain, thunder, and lightning. Weather so cold that we actually had a few 40 degree nights! Locals are all complaining about how miserable it is oustside and how awful it is to drive and do things in “this weather.” Although I am one of these whiney people, I’m fully aware that we all need to shut the f#ck up!  People are literally freezing and dying in other states. Yes, legit dying! They are being advised not to have conversations outside because their lungs are freezing from sub-zero temperatures. So to do my part, I will embrace our cold weather here in California and spread some happiness dressed like an eskimo on my 50 degree winter days. Figure this is me doing my small part to commit to a complaint free world! 🙂

Sending hugs and love to those in the Midwest and East Coast. Sounds like there is more harsh weather ahead. Stay warm!

Extreme 48 degrees below zero weather (read more)

2019 Tips on staying warm (read more)

 

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Give Up Yet?

Angelism: New year new year! This does not work! Your goals don’t mean a damn thing after February 1st! 

92% of New Years Resolutions Fail!

January encourages everyone to get their shit together. New Years goals are blasted on marketing materials and every retailer promotes workout gear and diet plans. By February most people feel like failures. The gung-ho take off for a perfect start to a great new year is crap and has us all chowing down on chocolate and champagne by Valentines day. So why year after year do we all put so much weight on the New Years Goal? My assumption is our intentions are good and it feels right to have a fresh start. End of day, if you don’t have good habits already, you’re likely to fail!

The focus should be setting small achievable goals spaced out throughout the year. Maybe at first you decide to give up soda. Then after two months you give up ice cream. After that maybe you vow to stop eating fast food. These little life changes spaced out over the course of your year will allow for long-term success. But you have to REALLY want it. Goals are only achievable when you manage them realistically and adjust them as needed when life changes come up.

https://www.bradsdeals.com/blog/how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolution