Confidence Is Everything

Angelism: CONFIDENCE! Having it is the key to a healthy and wonderful life no matter what your size, sex, color, or social status.

Money can’t buy confidence but if it could it would be worth saving every penny for. I learned long ago that confidence is everything. Today, after watching Rebel Wilson in her newest movie, Isn’t it Romantic, I was reminded of how limiting life can be for people who don’t possess confidence. I can’t stress enough how important it is to know who you are and what you want. We are all unique; self-doubt does not discriminate so don’t let it rule your existence. 

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of Los Angeles. If I had a dollar for every time I have promoted my love for the City of Angels I would be rich. But this is a city you must have confidence in or you are doomed! Surrounded by wealthy, fit, and beautiful people, who are tan, energetic, and always out having fun, can be very intimidating. You have to know and accept your place, not fear being one of many fish in a giant sea, and you must work hard because LA does not hand out favors. I have lived here for sixteen years and I have loved every minute of it. Despite the high-cost and traffic, there is nowhere I’d rather be. I’m confident this is my home and it feels good. I’m not an actress, model, or a rich trust fund baby. Not “having it all” doesn’t deter me, I’m where I want to be and I love living a life I enjoy.

Now back to today’s movie. I so appreciated that it completely dissed on romantic comedy films. It showed all the fake fluff that makes what every day people find dreamy and lust for. I may have mad love for LA, but I dislike the things that make this city feel plastic. Fake-like humans, for example the Kardashians, are not realistic. The average person does not have four hours to get ready or endless funds to look perfect. I think it’s awful how they like to pretend that this is a natural way of going about your days. The amount of vanity that family has is scary. The other plastic side of LA are the fakers. Faking your reality is ridiculous. Be who you are because real people and true friends can read right through you. Using social media outlets like Facebook to try and convince all your hundreds/ thousands of friends that you are happy in your crappy marriage when everyone knows you are on verge of divorce is lame. People can read through your lies and believe me they are laughing and gossiping about you. Be the best you, and enjoy it, even if it’s during a divorce!

Confidence is being the same sexy person whether you are sweaty and gross at the gym or in full make-up ready for the red carpet. It means aging gracefully and accepting the wisdom and adventure that it brings. I’m all for doing a little work to enhance your appearance if you really think it will look nice, but if you get so much Botox your eyes don’t blink, and so many injections that your cheeks don’t move, then you are insecure and people will judge. To earn respect and be appreciated for what you bring to this world DON’T BE FAKE. Have confidence and stop living in fear of what others think.

Life isn’t easy, money doesn’t grow on trees, jobs are disposable, kids are annoying, family members fight, accidents occur, relationships let you down, people are cruel, and shit happens. Be confident that no matter what comes your way you have the smarts to figure it out. Confidence is going to bed with no worries, no wandering thoughts of negativity keeping you up, and no questioning your choices because you trust that you can handle life.

You 1st, Mate 2nd

Angelism: “Me first today!”

I know it’s hard sometimes to put yourself first but you have to. Placing more importance on your mate than on yourself is the biggest mistake a woman can make. You may think, “I am single I don’t have to worry about this,” but you do. Because depending on how long you are single, a common mistake single women make is when you finally meet someone you are truly interested in you put all your eggs in one basket. You forget what you want because you are so focused on what they want. The point here is to stay on track with your personal goals in life.
Recently my boyfriend and I were on a road trip to Vegas. A road trip is a perfect time to ask questions and talk openly about your relationship. We agreed when we started the conversation that we would be open for positive and negative feedback and that the intention of the discussion was to learn more about where we are now versus 15 years ago. It was fun and I walked away discovering a new side of my boyfriend and loving him even more. The moment I remember most was when I asked him what three things he found attractive about me. He responded, “Your confidence, your fun energy, and the fact that you’re so passionate.” I was instantly overjoyed.
I can honestly say that I agree with my boyfriend and I’m happy he can see the good things in me. I put effort into living a positive life every day and I can only do this by putting me 1st! The reward and recognition you get when you take time for your soul is amazing. You can’t give to others unless you give to yourself, and putting you first doesn’t make you a bad woman – it makes you a smart one. You will have nothing to give if you burn yourself out meeting others’ needs before meeting your own.
End of day, my confidence glows. I appreciate the skin I’m in and I love me despite my imperfections. I have energy because I take time for myself. I exercise often which is a natural drug, I make time to connect with my mate and my friends, and I am committed to a job that I love. Life is exciting and the endorphins simply take over. I’m very committed to this I love, and it’s because I put myself first that I can enjoy life.
I have only had very few relationships with men that I would say are valid. I consider all the other boyfriends practice. Sorry guys. My first marriage was when I was 20. I was young, confused and I put the man first because I thought that’s how it worked. He was in the military and had many career needs. Before I knew it I had no idea who I was, or what I was doing. All I knew was that I had to make sure he was happy, that his needs were met, and that he had his way. Let’s just say when his happiness ran out, mine did too. There I was, stuck in his world, and in that moment it felt like life was over. 
Now 20 years later, and in a long-lasting healthy and vibrant relationship, I am so grateful to know who I am and how I got here. I was single for over two years after my marriage ended. During that time I stayed away from men, I focused on me, discovered what my needs were, made time to explore my womanhood and had fun. It was this turning point that led to one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever known. And even though I love my boyfriend dearly, I still, 16 years later, put me 1st. The fact is that anything can happen and if he is not around someday I have to continue to be confident, strong and comfortable standing in my own skin. So the lesson here is,”You 1st, Mate 2nd,” no matter what.