Positive Thoughts Can Change Your Life

Angelism: Life can’t LET you down if your positive thoughts ARE THERE TO lift you up!

 

As we enter a new year, many people will struggle with unattainable goals and  unforeseen challenges. About a decade ago, I was asked to write a blog about positive thoughts and how they relate to healing. I was thrilled that this request came my way and was truly happy to write about something I believe strongly in. As we welcome 2020, we should all embrace the fact that our thoughts create and control our reality.

When I was younger, in my teenage years and early twenties, I never thought much about what I said or did. I knew I was happy, I liked having fun, and I felt very fortunate. Through life experiences, friends and family dramas, relationship lows, deaths, and financial constraints, I have confirmed for myself that every situation is as good or bad as I allow it to be in my head. Every experience can be embraced, accepted, and made sense of; but only if I manage it correctly in my mind. I shape the outcome of every experience through my thoughts. My commitment is to maintain the positive thoughts and delete the negative ones.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to be a downer. Many people go day after day complaining about bad drivers, not enough time, mistrust of loved ones, frustration from nagging family and friends, disappointment from increasing prices, and everyone’s favorite a terrible economy. Occasionally, we get slapped in the face with an illness or injury that sets us back and changes who we are, stripping us of the confidence we have worked so hard to achieve. Because of this we  fill our space and energy with something all humans have in common – the desire to complain. Complaining is a given. Stand next to someone in Starbucks, and if you so much as roll your eyes or suggest in any way that it’s taking forever, the person behind you will likely say, “It’s annoying, they are always slow here.”

What would it take to be positive? How hard is it for you?

People across the world are becoming more aware of the gift of a good attitude. The idea that you become your thoughts is proving to be true. With well known books like, The Secret, The Power of Now, The Four Agreements, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, and A Complaint Free World, we are reassured that positive thoughts result in a good outcome. Simply think about what you want, envision it, and you get it. Controlling your mind to think in a way that is beneficial to you, and being aware of your words so that you no longer speak in a disrespectful way towards yourself can really pay off.

So does positive thinking have the ability to heal us?

Yes. Many doctors agree that ill patients with a positive attitude and a strong will to fight do much better than the patients who respond with negativity and speak of illness as though it is a death sentence. Doctors confirm that the major contributors to maintaining good health and removing disease from the body is a positive, hopeful, and determined outlook from the patient. Words that you speak to yourself become a reality; an ill person who speaks positively towards their body during a crisis, can often reverse the negative situation, creating quality health and healing for their body and mind.

Now, chances are if you were recently diagnosed with breast cancer you are not going to run home and start expressing words of gratitude about your situation. Every major negative experience deserves its moment of fear, depression, and total upset. However, the sooner you move through those thoughts and create a plan of action to make positive changes, the healthier and stronger you will become.

If you don’t believe this concept to be true, I beg of you to give it a try. First become aware of every negative thought you say or think. Before you actually speak any harshness in this world, see if you can replace it with something beneficial and productive. Instead of complaining about the slow service at Starbucks, can you appreciate the extra time you have in line to play with the adorable baby that is in the stroller behind you? Can you offer up a compliment to someone nearby to fill in the space you normally use to express a complaint? If you happen to have an illness that is worthy of complaining about, it’s acceptable and most people will listen. Don’t let any shortcomings in your life win, challenge yourself to move past all limitations. Think your way out of being sick and you may begin to feel better.

People who live with a strong mind, positive attitude, and peace in their hearts, have been known to practice many of the following habits. You may want to read up on these ideas individually to fully understand how integrating them may benefit you. Begin with one or two of the below habits and add more as time passes. Let’s see if you can slowly change your life for the better.

Habits of positive people:

  • Speak kind words
  • Read motivational & inspiring books
  • Embrace each new day with good thoughts
  • Write in a gratitude journal daily
  • Live in the moment, listen, be aware
  • Think positively about money
  • Be thankful for all things good & bad
  • Let things go
  • Surround yourself with joy: art, flowers, books, music & more
  • Have goals/ dreams & trust they can be achieved
  • Pay it forward/ do acts of kindness
  • Welcome love & positive people
  • Meditate & exercise often
  • Eat well & take care of your health
  • Be free of judgment
  • Take care of yourself/ feed your soul
  • Respect your negative thoughts & replace with positive ones

Healing and establishing wellness through thought is very real. I live its power every day. I am a brain surgery survivor. I have had plenty of negative things happen in my life that tried to take me down, but I positively thought my way through it. Living mentally strong and happy makes life so much more enjoyable.

 

ANGELISM: Not every day is easy, but Every day is worth it.

Take the lessons each day brings you and move along to the next. We don’t need a New Year to set goals and be well. We can embrace the “stay positive” concept every day of our life. It is the only goal we need to set, everything else will follow.


Holiday Fatness!

Angelism: Holiday season = sweaters & fat pants!

The holidays are challenging. It’s my favorite time of year, yet the most difficult. I love parties, visiting with friends and family, sharing gifts, and creating memories. Additionally, I like to enjoy all the food and beverages that come with these moments. The sluggish, lethargic feeling of fatness that is the result of Halloween through New Years really weighs on me. Literally, weight on  me! I never seem to get through a holiday without packing on pounds and losing my cardio strength.

Many people struggle during this time. The holidays are like an annual free pass to get extra chubby and say, “Fuck it, I’ll wear all my fat clothes for two months!” My rolls may spill over my jeans but they button so that’s a plus! My boobs may form a tri-tit in the front center of my bra but at least it still wraps around my back. Wearing yoga pants and sweaters seems OK during this feasting season. The average American gains about ten pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years. You would think after ten months of eating right and exercising regularly that a two month splurge wouldn’t be so hazardous to my health. Turns out everything good is bad and the holidays remind me of this again and again.

Now that the holiday madness is in full swing, in my head I am thrilled to start a New Year. I look forward to filling up my schedule with fun plans and setting goals to get organized and start fresh. The energy I have to do things from day one of a new year is amazing. I tell myself that no matter how lazy I am during the holidays, I will get focused come January 1st; however, until January 1st, I sit here feeling fat daily. I want nothing more than to drink a bottle of wine, eat some apple pie with ice cream, and watch movies while cuddling under a blanket near the fire. Sorry not sorry.

Despite my anger towards these eight weeks of laziness, I find a lot of comfort in the delicious homemade foods, fancy cocktails, yummy desserts, and endless treats. This comfort continually blinds me to the fact that every bite I take will add another dimple on my behind and another roll on my waste. In the moment while eating, I don’t consider how hard it will be to fit in my denim, or how many miles I will have to run to burn off the additional muffin top; I focus solely on how many lazy, comfort food, cuddle days I can spend indoors, stuffing my face, while lounging in my pajamas. The reality will hit me the Monday after all the holidays are over and I have to go back to work. That day is brutal.

Soon I will say farewell to the pecan pie and hello to the chicken salad!  Until then, all I can do is embrace my holiday curves. Next year I should start my November off ten pounds under my usual weight so I can eat the foods I love and not feel like such a failure. I’m officially getting too old for this shit!
 Happy Holidays! Good luck with your holiday pounds.

Give Up Yet?

Angelism: New year new year! This does not work! Your goals don’t mean a damn thing after February 1st! 

92% of New Years Resolutions Fail!

January encourages everyone to get their shit together. New Years goals are blasted on marketing materials and every retailer promotes workout gear and diet plans. By February most people feel like failures. The gung-ho take off for a perfect start to a great new year is crap and has us all chowing down on chocolate and champagne by Valentines day. So why year after year do we all put so much weight on the New Years Goal? My assumption is our intentions are good and it feels right to have a fresh start. End of day, if you don’t have good habits already, you’re likely to fail!

The focus should be setting small achievable goals spaced out throughout the year. Maybe at first you decide to give up soda. Then after two months you give up ice cream. After that maybe you vow to stop eating fast food. These little life changes spaced out over the course of your year will allow for long-term success. But you have to REALLY want it. Goals are only achievable when you manage them realistically and adjust them as needed when life changes come up.

https://www.bradsdeals.com/blog/how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolution


Exercise or be FAT!

Angelism: “If you don’t move your body you lose your body.

 
“Exercise or be fat!” I have come to the realization that without regular exercise and constant awareness of what I put in my mouth, I will be fat; not a little fat, a lot fat. Some women have the luxury of eating all they want, never working out, and being a size zero. Other women can workout a day or two a week, watch their diet, and maintain their weight. I don’t fit in these categories. I look at pizza and my zipper pops open.
A decade ago I had two knee surgeries that had me gimping around for eight months. This situation contributed to a 25 pound weight gain. I was officially the heaviest I had ever been and tipped well into the 200 pound category which was more than I could wrap my head around. I was miserable and my problem solver was Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for comfort. Every day recovering from knee surgeries I struggled with pain and felt defeated. The additional weight I was lugging around made me weak and weighed me down. I became lazy in life for a short time and it took a toll on my body instantly. My cholesterol numbers went up and I was winded walking up one flight of stairs. I knew if I did not do something immediately, my weight would skyrocket. I made a commitment to myself to exercise a minimum of three days a week for the rest of my life. This was quite a big goal. I started out with 30 minutes of cardio three days a week, then increased it to four. After a few months I was spending more time at the gym and feeling much better. It took me three years of being cautious of what I put in my mouth, and a minimum of three days a week of exercise, to lose the 20+ pounds I gained. Eight months to gain it and 36 months to lose it. What a joke!!! I know many of you can relate. Regardless of how long it takes me to get to my ideal weight, being healthy is my goal. I am about 10-15 pounds overweight according to the doctors, but I am 5’10 and fit. Maybe I’m not fit on paper, but in real life, I can kick some ass. I ran a half marathon with two bum legs and 188 pounds of strong and healthy woman curves.
Now my focus is to forever stay away from that 200 number no matter what. Today I biked for 5 miles, walked one mile, did 45 minutes of heavy arm weights, and stretched. I will be lucky to maintain my weight for the day. I didn’t eat like a pig, but I didn’t deprive myself either. I have tried all kinds of diets and nothing makes me skinny. I love all types of foods, variety keeps my taste buds happy. So does wine! All this training at the gym and no rewards would suck! Since genetics is not on my side, if I want to enjoy food, I can fight obesity by MOVING. So my quote, “Exercise or be fat,” is a reminder of the consequence I face if I’m lazy. I wish this was not the circumstance but I accept it. For all you skinny girls, be grateful; for those of you needing some motivation to shed the extra pounds, maybe this story will be that little push. Get moving, it makes all the difference.
Before I sign off, I want to announce that I am proud that my goal to exercise a minimum of three days a week has not been broken for a decade. I have fit in my workouts on weeks I was sick, traveling, tired, or too busy. The result is I FEEL GREAT! I was serious the day I made this choice to live well; no turning back now. Unless someone runs me over, good luck stopping me!
Step 1 – Know your number. If you don’t own a scale, get one. The number does not lie!

Analyzing Friends

Angelism: “Not all friendships are meant to last. Identify the ones that are worth investing your time in and move on from the ones that bring you down.” 

 

 

I consider myself to be a bit of a social butterfly. I have known many people in my day and have been close to a good chunk of them. Some friends I loved then disliked, a few I disliked, then loved, and a couple I wish I never invested my quality time in. Some friends I’m happy only being acquaintances with, and other friends I can’t imagine my life without. No matter what level of closeness, there are a few things I have learned. There are a variety of personality categories in which I can sort the people I have known. Here is an analysis of the kinds of friends I have encountered over the years. I do my best to keep my tight knit group filled with friends who always have my back and know that I have theirs in return. What types of friends have you experienced?
 
The Constant Complainer: This friend will eventually turn on you. Out of all the kinds of friends this one is the worst. There are many traits to notice in the early stages of your friendship so try to nip the annoyances in the bud ASAP. Here are some things this type of friend does:1) Bitches simply to bitch, is rude and inappropriate. Very embarrassing. 2) Makes every unfortunate situation relate to her. 3) Makes outbursts towards others for no apparent reason. 4) Passes the buck any time you try to call her out on something. 5) Tough to love because she is very insecure and emotionally charged. 6) Cries often or acts out for attention.
It’s All About Me: This is a friend that you are always waiting on. She calls the shots and makes all of the decisions. She has to look her best, must get her way and makes every conversation relate back to her. Her friendship sometimes feels fake since it’s all about her, all the time. Things this friend does: 1) Makes everyone else late because her make-up and outfit is the number one priority. 2) Makes all the decisions for the group and pouts if she doesn’t get her way. 3) Answers her phone when hanging out with you and is not at all apologetic for ditching your conversation. 4) Bumps into a friend while at the mall and doesn’t think to introduce you. She just ignores you while she gives five minutes of undivided attention to the other person. 5) Drops everything for a guy’s attention.Fragile and Insecure: This friend gets on your nerves time and time again. There is only so much you can to do lift the spirits of this insecure woman. This is a girl trapped in her childhood, still looking for acceptance and a place in this world. Daddy issues are an understatement. Traits of this friend are: 1) The art of energy sucking. She will take every ounce of positive energy you have and suck you dry. No matter how much good you give to her it will never be enough. 2) Paranoia runs through the veins of this friend. She is always worried that you are mad at her or that something is wrong if you went a day, week or month without chatting. 3) Flakes a lot because being in the real world is too scary. 4) Talks crazy. The slightest change in events can send this person into a dark hole of depression. 5) This person cries a lot and never because she is happy. She is like a pathetic little puppy dog begging for attention.

Financially Troubled: This is your friend who has no idea how to manage money. She may be the friend who refuses to work or possibly makes a good living yet never has any money when you go out. She can’t manage her finances and it hurts your friendship. This friend usually: 1) Goes out and somehow orders the most expensive thing and never adds in the right amount of tax or tip. 2) Expects you to spot her if her credit card declines. 3) Is not good at REMEMBERING to pay you back. 4) Forgets to get you gifts for your birthday and holidays. 5) Can drink a five-dollar Starbucks in front of you while complaining about having no money for gas for her car.
Liars: This is the friend you have to always pay attention to. This friend tells stories that never match up. She tells white lies so often that she puts little effort into covering them up. You sometimes feel like you are the crazy one. You don’t understand why she lies, you just know she does. What you get from this friend is: 1) An avoidance of certain topics and plenty of mumbling when you try to line up or challenge the current stories. 2) Complete unawareness that what she told you Monday is different from what she is telling you on Friday. 3) Tells one friend one thing, her boyfriend another thing and you something else. When the three of you try and match up her stories you are all totally confused. 4) When you call this friend out on her lies she plays dumb and refuses to admit she lied. 5) This friend has a fear of looking stupid and feels more confident telling people what sounds good rather than what’s real.
 
All About the Boy: This is the friend who won’t leave her boyfriend/ husband’s side no matter what you do. Many times this is not because of the guy but because they now identify themselves as the companion of this person so the two are now one (even though they are still two). Often these women do the following: 1) Refuse to go anywhere where their man is not invited. 2) They baby-sit the man because they don’t trust him to be alone. 3) This girl falls off the face of the earth as soon as she is in a relationship. 4) She smothers her man and sticks up for him when she shouldn’t. 5) Lies to her girlfriends about what is really going on.
Victim: This is the friend who has it worse off that you. They have been molested, abused, cheated on, lied to, and have suffered more tragedy than the average person. Their identity is glued to their fucked up life experiences. This friend likely:1) Reminds you constantly that you will never understand her situation. 2) Complains all the time about how somebody did this to her. 3) Takes no blame for anything – she’s good, everyone else is bad. 4) Tells a lot of the same depressing stories and chooses to do nothing to better them. 5) Continues to find the same drama everywhere she goes.
Fun, Fun, Fun: This is the friend that never slows down. All she wants to do is party. She lives her life in the fast lane and you struggle to keep up. She will forever be 21! Qualities of this friend are:1) Complete denial of her age and unwillingness to grow up. 2) Puts herself at risk constantly being in party girl mode. 3) Lacks being responsible in daily life because she’s always looking for her next adrenaline rush. 4) She can’t understand why you are passing on another beer pong party or why you would miss the local happy hour. 5) Parties all night, sleeps all day and looks worn out all the time.
Workaholic: This friend is buried in her work. It defines her and is her identity. This is where she feels secure. Her success in the workplace if what gives her purpose. This friend is likely to do the following:1) Miss all events because of work. 2) Talk to you only about her work life and goals. 3) Obsess about pay, promotions and hours. 4) Play on her computer or phone in front of you constantly so she can stay connected with the job. 5) Make it sound as though her job is more important than yours.
Totally Loyal: Every girl strives to have girlfriends that are totally loyal. I’m proud to say I have a few in my life who have really stood the test of time. A loyal friend is like a good husband. No matter how many good and bad times you experience, no matter how many categories above they may fall under at certain times in the friendship, a loyal friend sticks with you. Traits of a loyal girlfriend are: 1) No matter what the fight or disagreement there is an expectation that nothing will interfere with the love and trust you experience in your friendship. 2) You are brutally honest and it’s considered a luxury. Your opinion matters and your thoughts are always valid. 3) They are good listeners. They have a compassionate ear yet can tell you the truth and you accept it. 4) Every day is a blessing in your friendship. This is not a friend who will ever take advantage of you. 5) This is a person that no matter how many times they move, change numbers or get new emails, you are one they will never lose touch with.
I think it’s wonderful to experience friends from all these categories, possibly have friends that possess multiple types of these personalities. Being diverse in your way of thinking and flexible with different kinds of people helps you with your patience and teaches you to set boundaries. It also helps you understand more about your own personality. If anything, I have come to accept that everyone is different and the sooner I can assess their differences the easier it is for me to enjoy my time and friendship with them.
Are you attracted to a certain kind of friend? If so, why? What kind of friends do you want in your life and what can you do today to make sure that you surround yourself with that type of person? Does this blog raise awareness for you that maybe it’s time to separate from certain people and put your effort into the ones that really deserve it? I hope if anything this blog got you thinking.
Cheers to friendship!

Get and Keep a MAN!

Angelism: “If you desire love & a relationship but you spend your days busy with work, family & friends you will end up alone. Make flirting, dating & getting to know people a priority so you can find the soulmate that you crave.” 

Is dating a nightmare for you? Are you the bootie call girl? Have you not had sex in years because you are too scared you will take all the wrong steps and end up in another bad relationship? If yes, this BLOG is for you. The list below are the steps (in order) to help you get and keep a man. Follow this process with a man that interests you from the very beginning and I bet that you will find a relationship that will last longer than 3 months. No more being the girl that can’t keep a guy. Step up your game and make yourself a trophy worth winning and being proud of. Any man who can’t handle this process is not worth keeping. Here goes… it won’t be easy but finding a good love never is.
1) Always let the man ask for your phone number and let him call you. This is the absolute first most important thing to do. If a man is interested he will ask for your number, he will call you, and he will set up a date. Never call him first, and only call to return a phone call. When you return a phone call YOU ONLY CALL ONCE. If he doesn’t call back then move on. Don’t tell yourself stories that he may not have gotten the message. Please don’t give a man your number if you are not interested. Just as you don’t want your time wasted, don’t waste his. If you are worried no man will ever ask for your number feel free to flirt and show interest in a man to give him the hint that you are attracted to him but that’s as far as you go. If they ask for your number and a date great! If not move on and flirt with someone else. 
2) When he does call you, sound interested but not desperate. There is a difference. Responding, “It’s nice to hear from you,” is showing interest. Responding, “I’ve been wondering if you were going to call,” sounds desperate. Once a man senses you’re desperate he will become uninterested and will likely only hook up with you because he can take you for the roller coaster ride of late night bootie calls. He will show you little attention and you will want him anyway because you are needy for that attention. He knows this and it should be no surprise to you if you get treated this way. Expect more, show interest, but let him make the moves.
3) Never ask him on a date. Don’t even mention dating on the phone if you can prevent it. Talk with him and if the call ends with no date planned, that is OK. Keep him guessing. He will likely call back and schedule a date once he gets a vibe from your conversation. Again, if he is interested he will call you! Don’t be in a rush or be pushy. If he asks for you to call him, tell him you prefer that he calls you. Give him a reason to fill a need of yours and meet your expectation. Asking that he calls you is easily achievable for him and respectful to you.
4) If you do go on a date, be prepared. Know where you are going, how you should be dressed, tell a friend your location so that someone knows your whereabouts and don’t look trashy. It is OK to dress sophisticated or a little sexy but don’t show up with it all hanging out. Begging for attention by the use of your body sends the wrong message. You should have more to offer than that, like your personality, goals, accomplishments and beliefs. Think about this ladies. If you are looking for a soul mate, someone that you will spend the rest of your life with, they need to love you for your mind because your body is not going to look hot forever.
5) On a date take mental notes of things you have in common. Is this really someone you could like/ love? Are you attracted to him? Ask questions to get to know him. Make conversation interactive. It should not be all about him nor should it be all about you. The whole point of dating and courting is to get to know one another to see if this person has compatibility with you. If you feel there is nothing in common, you will be grateful you didn’t dress provocatively and give him the wrong idea. You can kindly wrap up the date and say, “Thank you for a nice evening out.” 
6) NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex with a man on the first date. This is always a bad choice and often ruins something that can be good. Of course all men want to “do it” all the time, whenever they can however they are more proud and respectful of a woman when they need to earn her love. Let him prove to you that he has what it takes for you to be intimate with him. You call the shots. Your sex is a gift that should be given a little later. A gift of trust, respect and promise that this relationship has what it takes to go to the next level. Make it important and special.
7) Always have safe sex. If you want peace of mind for the two of you, get on some form of birth control immediately. I think if you are comfortable with the birth control pill and you are dating and having sex, you should use birth control to avoid any accidents. One wild night can really screw up your path. Also, and this is the hardest one for most people, GET TESTED. I know for me, I will not sleep with a man that won ‘t get tested. I don’t want an STD. I have known too many people who have gotten the gift that keeps on giving like AIDS and Herpes. Protecting your body is your job not his. He can wrap it up in a condom and assume it will be OK but if that rubber breaks guess what girlfriend? You are screwed. What if he has had 3-5 partners since the last time he was tested? All it takes is one partner and anything is possible. Be safe. Be smart. Be responsible. Going and getting tested together within the first month can create a bond. Plus it sets a standard of pride, intimacy and monogamy in your relationship. It works, trust me. As far as I am concerned if he says, “NO,” to your request to get tested he is a high risk guy to be involved with. 
8) When you do have sex for the first time you should be comfortable enough to really let yourself go. You know that you put in the time to get to know him, he has proved his interest in you by courting you and giving you his quality attention, you confirmed that the both of you are clean and STD free and you have a plan to prevent a pregnancy scare. Now you can go for it! Let it all hang out. Think of how great that night will be if you have waited and worked on connecting first as spiritual beings not sexual beings. I can have an orgasm just thinking about that amazing moment. 
9) Once you guys are dating, committed and having sex, always communicate. Make time to get to know each other’s friends and family. Make love a goal and a priority. Always keep him guessing. Have your independence outside of him. Make your own friends, work at your personal hobbies and follow your passions that are for you, not influenced by him. This will keep him intrigued and interested in constantly getting to know you.
10) Smile and be happy, you have landed yourself a loving relationship that has a solid start!
These are steps that have proven to work for me. When I used them, I was successful in landing a good man. When I have not used them, I made a mess out of dating. I know this is hard to process, almost seems impossible. This approach takes about 4-6 weeks. Waiting 4-6 weeks before having sex is not that much time when the result of that time taken to get to know one another will lead to a high quality, safe and intimate bond. If everything you are currently doing is not working for you then try this. It does not hurt to have a goal to be responsible and respectful about dating. This way is not the only way to land a man however it’s a respectful way to approach your dating habits. It will lead you to the right kind of man for you. That’s not to say you will find love that lasts forever. No matter how hard we try we never know if love will last forever. If you find a good love, started by a strong bond such as the one you can create while practicing these behaviors, your companionship stands a better chance of lasting through the years. This list is a way to hold yourself accountable and have a higher expectation so you can weed out the losers and find the man that will step up and stand out. Good luck!