Groomed, Soft, & Emotional Men… WTF?

Angelism: “As hot and pretty as a groomed man can be, he should never take longer to get ready or be sexier & softer than me!”

Has anyone else noticed how incredibly groomed, soft, and emotional men have become? I have always found well trimmed, clean shaven, and fit men attractive, but how pretty do they need to be? A fancy man shows he is motivated to take care of himself and that he wants to live a healthy and long life; I can dig that. However the new obsession for men to pluck eyebrows, match clothes, buy shiny accessories, highlight their hair, sport fake tans, trim everything, get Botox and muscle implants, use man purses, and wear shoes with lifts in them is officially false advertising and is more vanity than I can handle. I get that we all want to look our best, but when a man is being waxed regularly and getting more manicures and pedicures than I am, it’s weird. 
The man continues to evolve as years pass. Just a decade ago, before Ryan Seacrest and Justin Timberlake hit the scene with a metro sexy style, I thought men were way more tough, fun, and rugged. It seems I woke up one day and it was OK for men to cry, have feelings, go to therapy, and stop doing man things. When I was growing up a man would come home from a physical job, drive up in his dirty truck, go inside and kiss his wife, say hi to the kids, take out the trash, tend to the yard, feed the dog, and then crack open a beer and watch sports and hang out with the family. Today’s man leaves his all day desk job, hands a $20 to the valet guy in exchange for his tiny washed Prius, swaps out his work shirt for a fashionable plaid, then meets coworkers for happy hour where he claims he is networking but really he’s eating fancy food and ordering some foo-foo drink that the girls like while singing some old Bon Jovi song that plays on the jukebox. To complete his 6am-9pm day he comes home, sets his laptop and gym bag down, (because lunch break workouts are totally cool), heads straight to the restroom while texting his coworkers that he’s home safe, showers, brushes and flosses teeth, conditions his hair and then crawls in bed. He then kisses his wife and watches Desperate Housewives of Beverly Hills with her all while checking his Facebook and playing video games on his phone until he passes out. OMG!!!! 
Maybe growing up watching Rambo, Terminator and Robocop gave me a false sense that men should be big, strong, dirty, intimidating, cool and rugged. I certainly didn’t imagine I would ever see men discussing designer jeans, their fear of being bald or fat, their interest in doing yoga instead of Pilate’s, and their preference for Starbucks lattes over Coffee Beans. Possibly I have lived in LA too long, the men here are quite fancy. Don’t assume that being a soft guy is bad. That is not what I am saying. However if you spend a lot of time primping, dieting, and worrying about your outfit and whether or not it works with what your wife is wearing, you may have lost your man card. Remember to compliment your woman rather than fish for compliments on how great your ass looks in them jeans. Fix the car when it’s broken, don’t send a lady to the mechanic. Set up the yard work contract if you don’t want to get your nails dirty and put out the mouse-traps and kill the damn spiders. Put together the kids toys and take out the trash. Lift some weights at the gym and maybe pass on the yoga and green tea addiction. I’m proud that men are flexible and they drink antioxidants but a man with a few calluses on his hands and a 5 o’clock shadow is hot. I like to know my man is smart enough to not create trouble but quick enough to throw a punch and protect me when the moment demands it.
So to all the soft men out there, please go do some man shit. In my house my dad replaced the oil, changed the tires, fixed the burnt out lights, painted the house, built furniture, maintained our garden and our hot tub, fixed the roof, and even organized his man tools; all while drinking a six pack of Budweiser. If you want to be treated like a man stop acting like a vagina. It’s OK to be a little metro and care more than the generations before, but be a sexy new kinda man who gets man shit done. Please only cry once or twice a year. I am all for the feminizing men but not at the loss of my handsome, protective, rough and tough dudes! I have a period every month, I get to cry, not you!

Because I have a Va-Jay-Jay…

Angelism: “Because I have a vagina anything you can do, I can do better!!!”

What I love so much about my man is he understands that the reason I can be nuts sometimes is because I have a vagina. Since having a penis is his excuse for every jackass thing he does, I take great pleasure in passing the buck off to my Va-Jay-Jay. Here is a list of reasons for my occasional female wackiness.
1) Because I have a vagina, I have random cravings for weird foods at any given time. It may be sugar, it may be salt, it may be a potato chip dipped in ice cream. Don’t question my need for cheese enchiladas and chips at 9am just go with it.
2) Because I have a vagina everything must be clean and organized my way. Yes, he can put stuff away, make the bed and do the dishes but I always have and will do it better. Accept it, I do.
3) Because I have a vagina I can spend two hours at Bed Beth and Beyond and walk out with nothing since I could not find what I was looking for. I can then go to Target and shop for another two hours and spend 300 plus dollars getting new kitchen stuff, clothes, food, books, CD’s and possibly a new lamp that I had no idea we needed. You better support my shopping habits because there is a reason for every single thing I purchase and the reasons are valid.
4) Because I have a vagina I must plan everything. I plan vacations, parties, events, date nights, even grocery store trips. A “To-do List” is my best friend. If I don’t plan, I know it won’t get done. My plan is the right way and I am in control from start to finish, deal with it. Do as you are told and you will remain good in my eyes.
5) Because I have a vagina you can’t ever comment on my weight or my age. Don’t tell me I look like I put on a few pounds or I will punch you in the face. Mention my age and I will go off on you so bad you will wish you were dead. Keep weight and age out of every conversation always if you want to keep your balls safe.
6) Because I have a vagina I’m supposed to be maternal. NOT gonna happen. Sometimes I run out of patience and anyone who disagrees with me, including little kids running around the house, better run far and fast. If you don’t do as I say for the third time today then maternal kindness goes out the window and “Evil Superwoman” takes over. I wish you luck when this happens.
7) Because I have a vagina I must always look and feel cute. I want my nails done, my hair stylish, and my clothes looking good. I want to be complimented for being adorable. It’s perfectly reasonable to have a bad day just because your toe-nail polish is smudged. Quit complaining about my complaining and compliment me on my beautiful smile so I forget about my jacked-up toe-nail polish. 🙂
8) Because I have a vagina I like girlie movies. I like to cry at stories that touch my heart and feel real even though mentally I know they are fake and made only for the big screen. I have roller coaster emotions and some days they are more apparent then others but that’s the joy of womanhood. If I cry, hug me and tell me I’m cute.
9) Because I have a vagina I suffer from PMS, bloating, and cramps which is hell about ten days out of the month. During this time I feel that my man should kiss my ass knowing 120 days out of a year I feel like crap all for the sake of maybe having one of his little pain in the ass children.
10) Because I have a vagina I will go through menopause and hopefully I will not kill anyone in the process. The hot flashes I will suffer will force me to overheat and make decisions under intense pressure. Being off balance hormonally does not help the situation and feeling old and unable to produce babies is pretty much a woman’s death sentence so fuck off for complaining that I will be moody. Love me and deal with it.
11) Because I have a vagina, my underwear and pants get sweaty and might smell like fish. Yes, some days are better than others for munching box. You guys should know that by now. No need to remind me how pungent my stench is after a workout or right before my period. I am aware, I live with my Va-Jay-Jay. By the looks of it, it’s basically a second ass crack so I would not expect it to smell like roses if I were you.
12) Because I have a vagina I think I can kick your ass in a fight. Somehow I am determined that if mad enough, I could lift a car, move a mountain, or punch through a door. Luckily that has not happened but my vagina tells me I have that strength and power to do so.
13) Because I have a vagina I like boy bands, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. It may be repetitive, synthesized music but for my ears it’s good shit!
14) Because I have a vagina we never run out of toilet paper. NEVER, EVER, EVER!!!
15) Because I have a vagina I need sex too! Don’t dare come at me with your stick and expect me to take care of your needs all the time. I need to be warmed up and pleasured so be prepared to work on me until I get mine. If you are selfish in bed, my vagina will become your enemy and my resentment and hate for you will shine through so good luck living with me!
Betty White you are my HERO!!!

Love Is My Religion

Angelism: “Love is my religion; with a good heart, a good intention, and an open mind, love can conquer all.” 

Today I had a rush of emotions and all I wanted to do was hug all those around me and spread love. I saw the movie 42 and felt such an internal sadness watching so much hate during a very racist time. This is the third film in the last few years that I have seen that has left me with a heavy heart. The Help, Django Unchained, and 42 all address the history of racism. These films make me grateful that I was fortunate enough to be raised in a different time and mindset. I happen to be a mixed breed with many nationalities in my gene pool. I have family from Spain, Italy, Portugal, and Poland. Here in America I was fair enough to be considered white. I never really had to face racism, I can’t even imagine how how hard that would be so I won’t even try. The closest thing to racism I experienced was people assuming I was Mexican because my last name ended in “ez”.
Growing up in California I feel I have always been a piece of a melting pot. Our state is diverse and I am proud that I was raised here. I am grateful that I learned love for all kinds of people. I loved my fellow classmates that were Asian, Filipino, African American, and Mexican. I love that I lived near San Francisco where I got to befriend some people in the gay community and witness their challenges. I worked at the GAP for ten years and remember feeling ecstatic when they announced they would be one of the first companies to offer health benefits to domestic partnerships. Now living in Los Angeles, I have been touched by the Jewish community and their traditions, religious beliefs, and challenges in history. I have traveled across the country, from Georgia to California, and unfortunately witnessed some states that still see in color. More reason for me to remain in California. These examples name just a few of my memorable experiences. I’ve learned that life is about loving, being kind to your neighbor, and being open to accepting new things. I embrace change, I remind myself to think outside the box, and I always consider how I would feel if the roles were reversed and it was me that was being judged and discriminated against.
I decided in the last few years that my religion would be LOVE. As much as I respect those who go to church, I respect those who don’t just as much. I grew up Catholic and for me church was limiting and had a way of making me feel guilty. I don’t need to feel guilty for anything, I don’t do anything wrong. I realized I could practice faith on my own. If I want to get closer to God’s story I will read the bible and interpret it for myself. I have faith in a higher power, I have love for my neighbors, I live an honest life, and although I make some mistakes here and there, I know I am genuinely a good person. All I need in this life is to share LOVE. So thank you Mr. Jackie Robinson, #42, for reminding me yet again today that love and openness to change is what will make our world a better place.

 


A Boobs Life

Angelism: “Gravity is a real thing. Invest in a good bra!”

Boobs rock and I appreciate a nice rack just as much as the boys. I am a straight woman who won’t look away at the flashing going on at Mardi Gras. Every boob is different and all worth checking out. I was fortunate to be blessed with a nice set thanks to my genetics. I swore to never take my boobs for granted as one grandma is a breast cancer survivor. I appreciate mine for their soft, cute, and curvaceous appearance. In my eyes boobs are sexy; I don’t view them as a food source as I lack that maternal instinct. I have always been PRO REAL BOOBS and ANTI FAKE MELONS, but as I get older I am beginning to think that a fresh rack may be exactly what I need later in life. 
In my teenage years I liked my boobs but I did not think much about them. I thought they were cute and was glad to have them. Boys were definitely interested which was funny to me. In my early 20s I fell in love with them because I learned their special power. Show a guy a boob or display your nice rack in a flattering top with a great bra and you will get all the free drinks you want. It was easy to look sexy since I have cleavage to show off. Always having fun and shaking my god given boobalicious gift, I never realized that my boobs would actually have a life span. I just ran around happy they were there. They looked fantastic and I assumed they always would. I remember hearing my Mom complain about saggy boobs but I figured I didn’t want kids so that was not going to happen to me. WRONG!!!
Right around 28, I noticed a slight droop of my mountain peaks. Not much to worry about at the time but my nipples were no longer the perky Hershey Kisses they once were. Instead of staring straight into the eyes of the people in front of me, they began to stare slightly downward and to the side. Although I noticed this minimal change it didn’t bother me. All that mattered was I looked good without a bra on. Then at 30, I gained and lost twenty pounds after knee surgeries and – OUCH! My boobs took on new form. Don’t get me wrong, they still looked good but they no longer looked fan-fucking-tastic like they used to. Now traveling down the hill of my 30th decade, I was faced with three mammograms. It turns out breasts can be flattened into a pancake and it does hurt to squeeze your boobs flat! It was at this point, in the boob torture chamber, that I realized my boobs might be on borrowed time. 
You never know when your boobs will stop being those beautiful perky mountains they once were. You never know how they will look once you gain and lose weight. You never know in what directions your nipples will go once gravity and age kick in. You never know if they are here to stay or if you will lose them to breast cancer. You never know what they will end up like after childbirth and breast-feeding. I’m here to tell you younger girls that the loss of your breasts’ greatness will happen. Love your boobs when they are young because someday you will need to lift your boobs up to put your belt on. As for all the middle-aged and older women who are sad that the boobs they once knew are there no longer, I feel your pain. Just adjusting to this new phase of the late 30’s has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I am embracing it but I do miss the buoyancy I once had.
Every set of breasts are different. You may have pink or brown nipples and they might be uneven. You may have raisin, Hershey Kiss, pepperoni, or hamburger patty sized nipples. Your actual boobs may be flat, ginormous, or some really perfect C or D cup. You may have a hair or two sprouting out, tan lines, or perfectly smooth beautiful mountains that even you love to fondle. No matter what size, color, or shape, be grateful for them. Appreciate and admire them as a piece of your beauty. Boobs are awesome and I pray often, that regardless of what they end up looking like, that they stay healthy. I know now if I wake up at 60 and one boob is hanging off the side of the bed and almost touching the floor that some plastic surgery is not such a bad idea.

WHY???

Angels: “Sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself WHY?”

 



Why we do what we do, say what we say, buy what we buy, and think what we think? This is simply a list of WHY thoughts to ponder.

1) Why do skinny bitches complain about being fat to a friend that is clearly heavier than them? I think if you are a size 8 or smaller, regardless of your height, you should shut the F* up!
2) Why do showers get dirty all the time? You would think something that included soap and hot water for daily usage would stay clean.
3) Why do we drive a mile or less to pick up food, visit a friend, or drop kids off at school? And then we question why we are fat?
4) Why do we go out and party at a bar, spend good money on alcohol, knowing we may barf it up later? There goes $60 bucks worth of Fireball down the toilet!
5) Why is it that you can learn the words to a song after a few times of hearing it but can’t remember a phone number, address, or things you read and study for? I never understood this. All things should be taught in a song.
6) Why is it when it rains the car gets dirtier? My car gets streaks everywhere. No such thing as a free car wash.
7) Why is it that you can be chatting with your best friend about an event that you were both at and somehow you remember it totally differently? This makes me crazy!!!
8) Why are people stressed and overworked with their jobs and family but find the time to update their Facebook and Twitter?
9) Why is it that a book can be so fantastic and then you watch the movie and it’s horrible?
10) Why does everything bad that happens, happen for a reason, but everything good that happens is considered good luck? Heaven forbid good things happen to good people because they deserve it.
11) Why in the world are the Kardashian’s celebrities? Are we so pathetic we have stooped to this being a form of entertainment?
12) Why can men listen to and watch sports for hours, but only have a two minute attention span for their wife and kids?
13) Why do weirdos who can’t sing or act try out for shows like The Voice? Are people really that desperate for attention?
14) Why do people who lose hundreds of pounds gain it back? That’s a journey I would not want to take twice.
15) Why do people make the same mistake more than twice? Are you not smart enough to learn a lesson?
16) Why do people work in service when they do not like people? Even more important why do people hire these assholes? Did they really shine in an interview?
17) Why do people still get perms? Even more importantly why do salons still offer perms?
18) Why must lawyers be rude? Is it really necessary to share your knowledge of the law and use fancy courtroom words when we are out at dinner or at a BBQ? I get it, you are kinda a big deal but seriously, TAKE THE DAY OFF WE DON’T CARE!
19) Why do parents let their kids drink soda especially caffeinated soda? Go buy stock in some insulin because your child’s future is diabetes.
And last but not least….
20) Why do wanna-be, label whore people buy a 200 or 300 series Mercedes or BMW? People who actually are wealthy know that if you really had money you would not have wasted your mediocre line of credit on a lower end version of a high quality awesome car. LMAO!!!

Love Lessons…

Angelism: “Love may not be everything, but it is definitely something. Never underestimate its power.”

At the end of this month Scott and I celebrate our 13 year anniversary. It’s crazy to me that we have been together this long. It still feels new so I guess that is a good sign. As I reflect over our years together, and think back on all that we have been through, I realize that this is a love that has had plenty of highs and lows, fears and comforts, fights and agreements, fun and frustration, love and lust, disappointment and excitement, confusion and resentment, joy and passion, and most importantly friendship and commitment. I’m so proud that we have never given up. There was a time around year seven mark where we struggled. We were going different directions and not getting along. We decided to do the work and get on the same page rather than go our separate ways. Our love grew stronger because of it.
Through this relationship journey I have learned many things. I look forward to more loving and learning in the years to come. I know this love may not last forever but my wish is that it will. In the meantime I cherish these love lessons.
1) I’ve learned that love is in everything that you do. Love is a kiss goodnight or a romantic getaway. It’s the bite of food you share at dinner and the door he opens when you get to the car. Love is the fight that gets resolved without words, and the hand that gets held on a movie date. Love is in little things every day.
2) I’ve learned that love is mastering a sincere apology. It’s OK to be wrong or misunderstood. Saying, “I’m sorry” and meaning it, with no buts, no explanations, and no justifications, has been my biggest lesson. A simple, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” goes a long way.
3) I’ve learned that love is making time to date and have fun. Playing together whether it’s miniature golfing, a theme park, the water slides, a weekend getaway, or dinner and a movie; adventures always brings you closer together.
4) I’ve learned that love is patient. Not everything goes as planned and life takes you for turns you least expect. Just breathe and be patient.
5) I’ve learned that to love means to surrender control. Letting him take control sometimes allows me to trust and experience new things.
6) I’ve learned that it’s not your intention behind your words but how they are received by your partner. What I meant to say doesn’t always come across. Your good intentions may be misunderstood for negative ones and love is respecting how your partner feels regardless of how it hurts your ego.
7) I’ve learned that sex should be at the top of the love list. I don’t care how tired you are, how much your head hurts, or how much work you have to finish. Remind your mate that you are sexually attracted to them every chance you get.
8) I’ve learned that love means to be vulnerable. Being raw and honest with your partner will lead to comfort and a soft place to fall.
9) I’ve learned that I’m not perfect, I can be a bitch, I do make bad decisions, and at times my expectations are unreasonable. Live with anyone longer than a few years and you will quickly learn what you need to work on to better yourself. Love is recognizing you can not fix the other to be as perfect as you.
10) I’ve learned that love is respecting your mates family, regardless of your opinion of them. Every family has their own dysfunction; respect boundaries and don’t dwell in the drama.
11) I’ve learned that it’s OK to fight for what you believe in. True love respects differences and grows stronger because of them.
12) I’ve learned that love means you sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do to make your partner happy. Compromise is key. Go to that work dinner, attend that family event, or see a movie you would normally never see. I assure you, you will want that same respect in return.
13) I have learned that pointing the finger only makes you look stupid. There is no need to make someone WRONG so you can be RIGHT. To love means to talk it out without placing guilt or wrongdoing.
14) I’ve learned that a wink, a hug, a kiss, or a nod go a long way. Recognizing one another in a room is always a great way to show love.
15) I’ve learned to love means to listen. There is a difference between hearing what was said and understanding what you have heard. I now listen with focus and show more concern about what the other is saying rather than what I want to say next.
16) I’ve learned that love is forgiving. You can get in fights that seem like deal breakers and a month later not even remember what you fought about.
17) I’ve learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side so don’t take for granted what you have. If your love is good on the majority of the days, trust that it’s worth it and believe in the power of love to see you through.
18) I’ve learned that love is a chance you take. It’s a risky adventure but a fun one if it’s true.
19) I’ve learned that trust is a must, without trust you have nothing.
20) I’ve learned that you must remain independent of one another. If you don’t nurture your career, friendships, and family outside of your relationship you will lose who you are. Love grows when you maintain independence.
21) I’ve learned to keep him guessing. Be a fun, unique, clever, inventive, and exciting person. Acting a little crazy sometimes keeps love interesting.
22) I’ve learned that life throws you curve-balls. Just when you think you know all there is to know about love, life hits you with a reality check and you must learn all over again. Embrace change together.
23) I’ve learned that I need to stay strong when he is weak. In return he will do the same. Try not to fall down at the same time. Having a cheerleader in your corner who understands you when you are down is what love is all about.
24) I’ve learned that we are different people, and that what I once loved most about my partner is often what I hate. For example, I love he is passive, it means I can take control. However that passiveness sometimes means a lack of motivation to do things or makes decisions which then means I feel pressured to do everything. I love it but I hate it. Learn to recognize these judgements and move right on through. To love is not to change but embrace.
25) I’ve learned that love is seen and felt just as much as it is expressed.
26) I’ve learned that I can’t say, “I love you,” enough. Everyday is a new day, and every day deserves to begin and end with, “I love you.”
Love is taking the good from each moment. If you have something worth holding onto, trust it. If it doesn’t work out that’s OK. Love is everywhere. Some people love many individuals in a lifetime, others have one soul mate for life. No matter what your story, learn your lessons, change, grow, and celebrate. When in love, not every day is easy, but every day is worth it!

 


WTF? Ain’t that a Biotch!

Angelism: “When life throws you stupid shit, just laugh!”

So often I find myself thinking, “WTF? Ain’t that a Biotch!” Time to do some venting!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are driving along and some asshole cuts you off and has the nerve to flip you off. JERKS!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you get your period unexpectedly and you don’t have any tampons handy. UGH!!!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are on a date and you need to fart. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are enjoying your DVR show and you get to the end and beep, the recording is over and you don’t get to see the ending or the previews for next week. STUPID MACHINE!
*Ain’t it a biotch when your parents and family members join Facebook. TIME TO SENSOR.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee and you step in your pets barf or poop in the dark. PETS ARE NOT ALWAYS CUTE.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you get to the airport two hours early to discover your flight is delayed two hours. YEAH FOR THE OVERPRICED BAR.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you begin working out, and what feels like forever, has only been five minutes. THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME I GO TO THE GYM.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are out in public in your grubs and you run into an old classmate or worse and ex-boyfriend who looks fantastic. LAME.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you have an itch under your bra or around your crotch area and you are in public. SCRATCH RESPONSIBLY.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you get caught picking your nose while driving your car. GROSS.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you order fast food and you get home to find out they forgot one of your items but still charged you for it. IDIOTS!!!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you go to start your car and the battery is dead? STUCK!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you go to reach for your cell phone in your purse and it’s not there. LIFE WITH NO CELL = FREAK OUT.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are having a great day and your roommate, child, or partner storms in, in a shitty mood, and ruins your day. GO AWAY!
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are in a public restroom and you go to reach for the toilet paper and there is none. HOPE THERE ARE SEAT COVERS.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you go to drink your tea or coffee and it is hot enough to melt gold. LIQUID FIRE IS NOT SO TASTY.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are sitting comfortably in the movie theater and some a-hole next to you can’t sit still, shut up, or share arm space. SELFISH PIG GO HOME!
*Ain’t it a biotch when your kids know more about technology then you. SAD WHEN YOUR 12 YEAR OLD CAN FORMAT YOUR RESUME BETTER THAN YOU.
*Ain’t it a biotch when you order Chicken McNuggets at McDonald’s and they charge you extra for additional sauces. SERIOUSLY?
*Ain’t it a biotch when you hug someone and realize after you step away that you got lipstick and or concealer on their face or clothes. OOPS.
and finally….
*Ain’t it a biotch when you are chatting with someone like an old classmate, friend, potential employer, or neighbor, and they use a big word in the midst of your conversation and you have no idea what it means but you nod and continue hoping your lack of education doesn’t shine through in that moment. DAMN SHOW OFFS, USE EVERYDAY WORDS PLEASE!

Cheating… Who is to Blame?

Angelism: “The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to cheat. Love doesn’t last long when there is no trust.”

My boyfriend and I have very different viewpoints on cheating and who is to blame. Cheating has never been an issue between us since we have both been faithful, at least to my knowledge, but the challenge is we think differently about who takes the heat for infidelity. So who do you point the finger at when your mate turns to another person for sex and intimacy?
I feel that a relationship is between two people, the two that made the commitment to each-other. The person who needs to stay strong and be true to me is the one who vows to do so. I need to be faithful in return. When a third party gets involved, I expect that my mate will be responsible for fighting off any urges to stray in order to remain monogamous to me. If my man cheats on me with a person at his work, a bartender, a stripper, or a friend of a friend who I have never met, do I blame him, her, or both? This is tough question to answer because there are many different opinions. I happen to feel that the person responsible would be my man, and my man feels that both people are to blame.
It seems in society that people like to put the blame on the third party equally when the one they should really have frustration and disappointment with is their mate who shattered the trust. I agree that the third party who gets involved with a spoken for person has done something irresponsible, but it happens, and people cheat everyday and don’t feel guilty about it. If they truly felt guilt they wouldn’t do it. If a stranger has the hots for your man, knows he is taken, but wants to get naked with him anyway, who are you to think she should hold back? What can you really expect from a stranger? Does this make her a bad person, or a human acting on impulse and living in the moment? If I sleep with a waiter while on a girls only vacation, the waiter is not to blame, I am.
The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. People are obviously cheating often, don’t think you are exempt. The sooner you accept this as a possibility, the less painful it will be if you are faced with it. I have family members and friends who have cheated and I don’t think they are evil, I think they are human. It takes a strong, happy, committed, loving, honest and respectful relationship, to stay totally true and faithful for decade after decade. That kind of commitment requires you to stop your hormones and desires every time they stray to thoughts of, “What if?” You have to be excited about going home to the same lover every day of your life and reinvent yourself over and over again so you don’t get bored. You have to be a person of so much integrity and faith that when and if you have desires to be involved with someone outside of your relationship, you choose not to act on it and instead go home to your partner and work it out. Realistically, how many people actually fall into this highly honorable category? A 100% true relationship requires a lot of work and willpower to avoid every temptation along the way for years and years.
Although I say I would only blame the lover that actually cheated on me, I have one exception to that rule. This is what confuses my boyfriend. I told him if he ever cheated on me with a dear friend, I would blame them both. The way I see it is anyone who I know and love, who has a commitment to me to respect and be loyal to me, should not engage in this kind of promiscuous behavior behind my back. So yes, be pissed if your best friend sleeps with your man. I say disown them both for betraying your trust. However, if he hooks up with a bartender, then it’s not her fault. There are many people in this world who have no real feelings. They sleep with someone without any regard for the other person. Many of them don’t even know there is another person to be concerned about. You can blame this third party person all you want but the fact is, if they cared they would not have done it. The person who was supposed to care, have your back and honor you no matter what, is your partner. When your mate sleeps with another person with no regard or respect for how it will make you feel, that is the enemy, that is who you blame.
My boyfriend feels both people are to blame so we agree to disagree. I get what he is saying to a certain extent. I don’t think women or men should encourage, or put effort towards having sex with married/ committed people unless both parties agree it’s OK. I think passing the buck to the third party is a way of blaming someone other than the love of your life for ruining your relationship. I admire that my man cared enough about this topic to have a conversation about it. I’m also grateful that our differences of opinion didn’t get in the way of us having sex later that day. It amazes me that after almost 13 years together we can still challenge each other’s thoughts like this and be mature about it.
What do you think about cheating? For me, anyone who gives into cheating is not a person of enough integrity and respect for me to be with, or waste my time being mad at. I would cut the ties, forgive, never forget, and walk away knowing I did nothing wrong. When someone cheats, everything is lost; faith, trust, hope, love, and a future of comfort and commitment. You feel a pain that is unexplainable and in a moments time all you thought you had, the love you feel existed all those years, is over. Having full trust again of the person who strayed is impossible. The unfaithfulness will haunt you if you stay. In my opinion, someone who cheats doesn’t deserve your love, move on.

Exercise or be FAT!

Angelism: “If you don’t move your body you lose your body.

 
“Exercise or be fat!” I have come to the realization that without regular exercise and constant awareness of what I put in my mouth, I will be fat; not a little fat, a lot fat. Some women have the luxury of eating all they want, never working out, and being a size zero. Other women can workout a day or two a week, watch their diet, and maintain their weight. I don’t fit in these categories. I look at pizza and my zipper pops open.
A decade ago I had two knee surgeries that had me gimping around for eight months. This situation contributed to a 25 pound weight gain. I was officially the heaviest I had ever been and tipped well into the 200 pound category which was more than I could wrap my head around. I was miserable and my problem solver was Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for comfort. Every day recovering from knee surgeries I struggled with pain and felt defeated. The additional weight I was lugging around made me weak and weighed me down. I became lazy in life for a short time and it took a toll on my body instantly. My cholesterol numbers went up and I was winded walking up one flight of stairs. I knew if I did not do something immediately, my weight would skyrocket. I made a commitment to myself to exercise a minimum of three days a week for the rest of my life. This was quite a big goal. I started out with 30 minutes of cardio three days a week, then increased it to four. After a few months I was spending more time at the gym and feeling much better. It took me three years of being cautious of what I put in my mouth, and a minimum of three days a week of exercise, to lose the 20+ pounds I gained. Eight months to gain it and 36 months to lose it. What a joke!!! I know many of you can relate. Regardless of how long it takes me to get to my ideal weight, being healthy is my goal. I am about 10-15 pounds overweight according to the doctors, but I am 5’10 and fit. Maybe I’m not fit on paper, but in real life, I can kick some ass. I ran a half marathon with two bum legs and 188 pounds of strong and healthy woman curves.
Now my focus is to forever stay away from that 200 number no matter what. Today I biked for 5 miles, walked one mile, did 45 minutes of heavy arm weights, and stretched. I will be lucky to maintain my weight for the day. I didn’t eat like a pig, but I didn’t deprive myself either. I have tried all kinds of diets and nothing makes me skinny. I love all types of foods, variety keeps my taste buds happy. So does wine! All this training at the gym and no rewards would suck! Since genetics is not on my side, if I want to enjoy food, I can fight obesity by MOVING. So my quote, “Exercise or be fat,” is a reminder of the consequence I face if I’m lazy. I wish this was not the circumstance but I accept it. For all you skinny girls, be grateful; for those of you needing some motivation to shed the extra pounds, maybe this story will be that little push. Get moving, it makes all the difference.
Before I sign off, I want to announce that I am proud that my goal to exercise a minimum of three days a week has not been broken for a decade. I have fit in my workouts on weeks I was sick, traveling, tired, or too busy. The result is I FEEL GREAT! I was serious the day I made this choice to live well; no turning back now. Unless someone runs me over, good luck stopping me!
Step 1 – Know your number. If you don’t own a scale, get one. The number does not lie!

What MOM Didn’t Tell Us About MEN!

Angelism: “Why women try to change men I will never understand. Embrace their weirdness & individuality, for the most part it is entertaining!”

My girlfriend’s and I often bitch about all the things, big and small, that irritate us about living with a man. Whether you are married, living together, or dating and he is over all the time, there are things that get on your nerves 24/7. Here is a little list I have compiled of why living with a man can be annoying most days of the week. All we can do is laugh about it!
1) Men leave shit everywhere. Clothes, shoes, pens, papers, food wrappers, socks, condoms, money, towels, underwear, cups, plates, beer cans, hats, keys, phones, magazines, mail, video games, and anything they can get their hands on. This list can go on forever.
2) Men smell like salty balls most of the time. If you can catch your man fresh out of a shower you are lucky, have sex immediately. Other than that they stink like ass shortly thereafter.
3) Men have their best sex life with the remote control. If only men put the same amount of effort into fondling their lady as they do that damn remote every woman on the planet would orgasm.
4) Men sweat like pigs when they sleep and breath and snore all over you.
5) Men grab, scratch, tug and fondle their balls no matter where they are or what they are doing. A man sprawled out on the couch with his hand in his pants repositioning his junk is a daily ritual.
6) Men pick their nose, face, ears, feet, and anything else they can pick, all the time. Boys become men who act like boys never sit still. They are always picking at or investigating something and touching buttons they should not.
7) Men make a mess in the kitchen unlike anything I have ever seen before. My man can make a grilled cheese and Top Ramen and you would think he cooked a feast for 10.
8) Men can sleep in the same sheets for a month and never think to change them. They would not wear the same underwear for a month yet they look at you like you are crazy when you want to change the sheets weekly because they sweat, fart, lay naked, and have sex regularly on them.
9) Men fart on you non-stop. In the bedroom, living room, bathroom, car and even in public. When they bomb you, they laugh like a nine year old boy who got away with something bad. They outright fart on you, literally on you!
10) Men like to dance around naked. Hell they like to do everything naked. When men are naked, their focus is their penis. They like to hide their penis so it looks like they have a vagina, bounce it around while they dance, flop their balls over it and give you the bat wings, swing it in circles like a propeller, tea bag you, push their balls in the back below their ass and show you the goat, or my personal favorite; give their penis a boner and ask you to take care of it. I tell ya, I have been in my relationship for almost 13 years and I have seen some crazy shit that can be done with a penis.
11) Men watch way too much TV, drink way too much beer, eat way too much junk, whine way too much when they have to do anything around the house, and are the most horrible patients when they are sick or hungover. WTF?
12) Men and laundry don’t mix. Men and cleaning don’t mix. Men and organizing don’t mix. Men and grocery shopping don’t mix. Men and Oprah don’t mix. Men and chic flicks don’t mix. MEN AND CHANGE DO NOT MIX! Honestly, not sure how men and women mix? I must really, really love my man. 
Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things that men do right. This list however was for fun and to point out all the things Mom did not tell us women about what our future would look like living with a man. Not all men are created equal. Some only have a few of these wonderful qualities mentioned above. Moms out there, if you have young daughters, teach them this stuff before they leave home. What a pleasure it was for me to learn a guys lifestyle after I left the house. The good news is, all of us women are in the same boat, we are all faced with the challenge of finding new ways to enjoy the small tortures of living with the opposite sex.
To my love muffin of 13 years: “I love you honey! You are still my favorite gross guy!”