I Believe…

Angelism: What you believe identifies your truth. Belief is as open or as limited as you allow it to be. Belief can change at any moment if you choose to think differently.

 
I believe that life is not fair. I am not owed anything nor should I expect anything.
I believe I should always leave loved ones with loving words, I never know if that will be my last goodbye.
 
I believe I don’t have to change friends to understand that friends can change.
I believe that it will take a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe no matter how hard I love, I will be hurt. Forgive and move on is the only healthy option.
I believe that I am responsible for the opinions others have of me. I choose how much weight I give to those opinions.
I believe I can do something in one moment of time that will change the course of my life forever.
I believe I can keep going long after I think I can’t.
I believe either I control my attitude or my attitude will control me.
I believe that money is a shitty way to keep score in life.
I believe that I should not place value on my things. What I have today may be gone tomorrow.
I believe that I have the right to be angry, but that does not give me the right to be cruel.
I believe that no matter how sad I become, or how crushed my heart may be, the world will not stop for my grief.
I believe that maturity is a state of mind, one I can turn on and off when needed.
I believe that my upbringing influenced who I am, but I am responsible for who I become.
I believe two people can look at he exact same thing and see it completely different.
I believe I can have all the degrees in the world but that’s not what makes me a smart / good human.
I believe that a total stranger can have a huge impact on my life.
I believe that keeping secrets weighs heavy on the soul. I also believe discovering secrets weighs heavy on the soul.
I believe that sometimes the people I am closest to take the most advantage of my generosity.
I believe that life is a gift, one that I am grateful for even on the toughest of days.
I believe that getting old sucks! My days are numbered no matter how hard I fight to stay young.
I believe that often the people I least expect to show up for me do.
I believe that I must believe in myself if I want others to believe in me.
I believe that I will do what I feel has to be done regardless of the consequences.
I believe in the greater good but accept that evil exists among us.
I believe that organized religion is not the only way to practice faith. It is possible to have relationship with a higher power outside of the rules of church.
I believe that I will make mistakes and that I will learn from them.
I believe in the power of love and giving.
I believe that there is only one race and that is HUMAN. We are all HUMAN and that is why we are all more alike than different.
I believe that if you agree you should share this with your friends… XO

Never FAKE the “BIG O”

Angelism: “Get out of your own head & chase your physical wants & desires.”

Promise me, from this moment forward, you will never, ever, ever, fake an orgasm. Raise your hand and swear to me that you will make it a point to always achieve the “BIG O”, preferably multiple times if you can. If you fail at the “BIG O” the only valid excuse is you were super drunk or so exhausted you slept through it. Not reaching orgasm is the worse possible mistake a woman can make in a relationship. When you fake it, the only person who suffers is you. Your body warms up, the juices start flowing, your downstairs gets excited and starts its engine, and then your brain steps in and somehow becomes your vagina’s worst enemy. You deserve to feel the tingling, overwhelming, body twitching, toe-curling, steamy joy of a climax. Faking this pleasure eventually leads to frustration and resentment towards your partner.
When it comes to sex I always say that “doing it” needs to be a priority. I believe that women should orgasm first. In my experience, once a man has finished, sex is not all that exciting and his effort to keep up the good work fades fast. If you don’t climax first, plan on walking away sexually frustrated. However if you practice going first, he will quickly follow. All that clenching of the vagina around his penis will finish him off perfectly. 
Now if you are embarrassed by this topic that may be your vagina’s first problem. There is no reason to be shy or feel any shame. Sex is a wonderful thing and it’s best when you are achieving orgasm. The following are some of the reasons women don’t orgasm:
1) They put the partners needs first
2) Lack of knowledge of their body and how to climax
3) Embarrassed to orgasm in front of someone
4) Discomfort having sex with their partner 
5) Lack of confidence and low self esteem
6) Trauma from past such as molestation or rape
7) They feel it takes too long to get to climax so why bother
8) Too tired from work, kids, family or stress
9) Faith or religious beliefs get in the way
These are valid reason but nonetheless hold women back from pleasure. Never make up excuses that lead to unhappiness in the bedroom. Don’t focus on why you can’t orgasm, focus on ways you will orgasm. Experiencing pleasure with your mate is one of the best parts of a relationship. Without it, why bother? The dishes, house-cleaning, raising kids and managing the bank accounts need some relief. My solution, HAVE SEX!!! A good way to keep yourself interested is to masturbate, explore your body, and learn what works for you. Work on finding a mate that you feel comfortable sharing your sexual needs with. Good chemistry is important. It is your responsibility to show your lover what works for you and try new things along the way to enhance your experiences. 
I hope to encourage, inspire, and motivate women to put their sexual desires first. Believe me if you are satisfied in the sex department you will live a happier life. You will sleep better, feel healthier, have more energy, be more loving, and glow more than you ever have. Put your relationship first and make sure your needs are being met. Don’t let the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts stop your physical desires. If you need practice, or are single and want to warm up, buy a vibrator and get to it. I ask that you don’t always rely on a vibrator for stimulation as no man’s penis can compete with the sensation of AAA batteries. Mix it up so that your body can respond to flesh and toys.
Now I understand that abuse or fear may hold some of you back from enjoying sex. I would suggest you get help from a therapist so you can work towards being open to a loving and sexual relationship. I also know that accidents happen which change physical abilities in the bedroom; aging does too. Not all couples can have sex or want to. Sex is not for everyone. However, for the majority of women who are capable and wanting more satisfaction between the sheets, always set the standard to achieve the “BIG O” every time you do it. Don’t stop till you get enough! You deserve it and your man will be thrilled that you are enjoying the ride. 

Love Is My Religion

Angelism: “Love is my religion; with a good heart, a good intention, and an open mind, love can conquer all.” 

Today I had a rush of emotions and all I wanted to do was hug all those around me and spread love. I saw the movie 42 and felt such an internal sadness watching so much hate during a very racist time. This is the third film in the last few years that I have seen that has left me with a heavy heart. The Help, Django Unchained, and 42 all address the history of racism. These films make me grateful that I was fortunate enough to be raised in a different time and mindset. I happen to be a mixed breed with many nationalities in my gene pool. I have family from Spain, Italy, Portugal, and Poland. Here in America I was fair enough to be considered white. I never really had to face racism, I can’t even imagine how how hard that would be so I won’t even try. The closest thing to racism I experienced was people assuming I was Mexican because my last name ended in “ez”.
Growing up in California I feel I have always been a piece of a melting pot. Our state is diverse and I am proud that I was raised here. I am grateful that I learned love for all kinds of people. I loved my fellow classmates that were Asian, Filipino, African American, and Mexican. I love that I lived near San Francisco where I got to befriend some people in the gay community and witness their challenges. I worked at the GAP for ten years and remember feeling ecstatic when they announced they would be one of the first companies to offer health benefits to domestic partnerships. Now living in Los Angeles, I have been touched by the Jewish community and their traditions, religious beliefs, and challenges in history. I have traveled across the country, from Georgia to California, and unfortunately witnessed some states that still see in color. More reason for me to remain in California. These examples name just a few of my memorable experiences. I’ve learned that life is about loving, being kind to your neighbor, and being open to accepting new things. I embrace change, I remind myself to think outside the box, and I always consider how I would feel if the roles were reversed and it was me that was being judged and discriminated against.
I decided in the last few years that my religion would be LOVE. As much as I respect those who go to church, I respect those who don’t just as much. I grew up Catholic and for me church was limiting and had a way of making me feel guilty. I don’t need to feel guilty for anything, I don’t do anything wrong. I realized I could practice faith on my own. If I want to get closer to God’s story I will read the bible and interpret it for myself. I have faith in a higher power, I have love for my neighbors, I live an honest life, and although I make some mistakes here and there, I know I am genuinely a good person. All I need in this life is to share LOVE. So thank you Mr. Jackie Robinson, #42, for reminding me yet again today that love and openness to change is what will make our world a better place.

 


Love Lessons…

Angelism: “Love may not be everything, but it is definitely something. Never underestimate its power.”

At the end of this month Scott and I celebrate our 13 year anniversary. It’s crazy to me that we have been together this long. It still feels new so I guess that is a good sign. As I reflect over our years together, and think back on all that we have been through, I realize that this is a love that has had plenty of highs and lows, fears and comforts, fights and agreements, fun and frustration, love and lust, disappointment and excitement, confusion and resentment, joy and passion, and most importantly friendship and commitment. I’m so proud that we have never given up. There was a time around year seven mark where we struggled. We were going different directions and not getting along. We decided to do the work and get on the same page rather than go our separate ways. Our love grew stronger because of it.
Through this relationship journey I have learned many things. I look forward to more loving and learning in the years to come. I know this love may not last forever but my wish is that it will. In the meantime I cherish these love lessons.
1) I’ve learned that love is in everything that you do. Love is a kiss goodnight or a romantic getaway. It’s the bite of food you share at dinner and the door he opens when you get to the car. Love is the fight that gets resolved without words, and the hand that gets held on a movie date. Love is in little things every day.
2) I’ve learned that love is mastering a sincere apology. It’s OK to be wrong or misunderstood. Saying, “I’m sorry” and meaning it, with no buts, no explanations, and no justifications, has been my biggest lesson. A simple, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” goes a long way.
3) I’ve learned that love is making time to date and have fun. Playing together whether it’s miniature golfing, a theme park, the water slides, a weekend getaway, or dinner and a movie; adventures always brings you closer together.
4) I’ve learned that love is patient. Not everything goes as planned and life takes you for turns you least expect. Just breathe and be patient.
5) I’ve learned that to love means to surrender control. Letting him take control sometimes allows me to trust and experience new things.
6) I’ve learned that it’s not your intention behind your words but how they are received by your partner. What I meant to say doesn’t always come across. Your good intentions may be misunderstood for negative ones and love is respecting how your partner feels regardless of how it hurts your ego.
7) I’ve learned that sex should be at the top of the love list. I don’t care how tired you are, how much your head hurts, or how much work you have to finish. Remind your mate that you are sexually attracted to them every chance you get.
8) I’ve learned that love means to be vulnerable. Being raw and honest with your partner will lead to comfort and a soft place to fall.
9) I’ve learned that I’m not perfect, I can be a bitch, I do make bad decisions, and at times my expectations are unreasonable. Live with anyone longer than a few years and you will quickly learn what you need to work on to better yourself. Love is recognizing you can not fix the other to be as perfect as you.
10) I’ve learned that love is respecting your mates family, regardless of your opinion of them. Every family has their own dysfunction; respect boundaries and don’t dwell in the drama.
11) I’ve learned that it’s OK to fight for what you believe in. True love respects differences and grows stronger because of them.
12) I’ve learned that love means you sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do to make your partner happy. Compromise is key. Go to that work dinner, attend that family event, or see a movie you would normally never see. I assure you, you will want that same respect in return.
13) I have learned that pointing the finger only makes you look stupid. There is no need to make someone WRONG so you can be RIGHT. To love means to talk it out without placing guilt or wrongdoing.
14) I’ve learned that a wink, a hug, a kiss, or a nod go a long way. Recognizing one another in a room is always a great way to show love.
15) I’ve learned to love means to listen. There is a difference between hearing what was said and understanding what you have heard. I now listen with focus and show more concern about what the other is saying rather than what I want to say next.
16) I’ve learned that love is forgiving. You can get in fights that seem like deal breakers and a month later not even remember what you fought about.
17) I’ve learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side so don’t take for granted what you have. If your love is good on the majority of the days, trust that it’s worth it and believe in the power of love to see you through.
18) I’ve learned that love is a chance you take. It’s a risky adventure but a fun one if it’s true.
19) I’ve learned that trust is a must, without trust you have nothing.
20) I’ve learned that you must remain independent of one another. If you don’t nurture your career, friendships, and family outside of your relationship you will lose who you are. Love grows when you maintain independence.
21) I’ve learned to keep him guessing. Be a fun, unique, clever, inventive, and exciting person. Acting a little crazy sometimes keeps love interesting.
22) I’ve learned that life throws you curve-balls. Just when you think you know all there is to know about love, life hits you with a reality check and you must learn all over again. Embrace change together.
23) I’ve learned that I need to stay strong when he is weak. In return he will do the same. Try not to fall down at the same time. Having a cheerleader in your corner who understands you when you are down is what love is all about.
24) I’ve learned that we are different people, and that what I once loved most about my partner is often what I hate. For example, I love he is passive, it means I can take control. However that passiveness sometimes means a lack of motivation to do things or makes decisions which then means I feel pressured to do everything. I love it but I hate it. Learn to recognize these judgements and move right on through. To love is not to change but embrace.
25) I’ve learned that love is seen and felt just as much as it is expressed.
26) I’ve learned that I can’t say, “I love you,” enough. Everyday is a new day, and every day deserves to begin and end with, “I love you.”
Love is taking the good from each moment. If you have something worth holding onto, trust it. If it doesn’t work out that’s OK. Love is everywhere. Some people love many individuals in a lifetime, others have one soul mate for life. No matter what your story, learn your lessons, change, grow, and celebrate. When in love, not every day is easy, but every day is worth it!

 


Cheating… Who is to Blame?

Angelism: “The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to cheat. Love doesn’t last long when there is no trust.”

My boyfriend and I have very different viewpoints on cheating and who is to blame. Cheating has never been an issue between us since we have both been faithful, at least to my knowledge, but the challenge is we think differently about who takes the heat for infidelity. So who do you point the finger at when your mate turns to another person for sex and intimacy?
I feel that a relationship is between two people, the two that made the commitment to each-other. The person who needs to stay strong and be true to me is the one who vows to do so. I need to be faithful in return. When a third party gets involved, I expect that my mate will be responsible for fighting off any urges to stray in order to remain monogamous to me. If my man cheats on me with a person at his work, a bartender, a stripper, or a friend of a friend who I have never met, do I blame him, her, or both? This is tough question to answer because there are many different opinions. I happen to feel that the person responsible would be my man, and my man feels that both people are to blame.
It seems in society that people like to put the blame on the third party equally when the one they should really have frustration and disappointment with is their mate who shattered the trust. I agree that the third party who gets involved with a spoken for person has done something irresponsible, but it happens, and people cheat everyday and don’t feel guilty about it. If they truly felt guilt they wouldn’t do it. If a stranger has the hots for your man, knows he is taken, but wants to get naked with him anyway, who are you to think she should hold back? What can you really expect from a stranger? Does this make her a bad person, or a human acting on impulse and living in the moment? If I sleep with a waiter while on a girls only vacation, the waiter is not to blame, I am.
The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. People are obviously cheating often, don’t think you are exempt. The sooner you accept this as a possibility, the less painful it will be if you are faced with it. I have family members and friends who have cheated and I don’t think they are evil, I think they are human. It takes a strong, happy, committed, loving, honest and respectful relationship, to stay totally true and faithful for decade after decade. That kind of commitment requires you to stop your hormones and desires every time they stray to thoughts of, “What if?” You have to be excited about going home to the same lover every day of your life and reinvent yourself over and over again so you don’t get bored. You have to be a person of so much integrity and faith that when and if you have desires to be involved with someone outside of your relationship, you choose not to act on it and instead go home to your partner and work it out. Realistically, how many people actually fall into this highly honorable category? A 100% true relationship requires a lot of work and willpower to avoid every temptation along the way for years and years.
Although I say I would only blame the lover that actually cheated on me, I have one exception to that rule. This is what confuses my boyfriend. I told him if he ever cheated on me with a dear friend, I would blame them both. The way I see it is anyone who I know and love, who has a commitment to me to respect and be loyal to me, should not engage in this kind of promiscuous behavior behind my back. So yes, be pissed if your best friend sleeps with your man. I say disown them both for betraying your trust. However, if he hooks up with a bartender, then it’s not her fault. There are many people in this world who have no real feelings. They sleep with someone without any regard for the other person. Many of them don’t even know there is another person to be concerned about. You can blame this third party person all you want but the fact is, if they cared they would not have done it. The person who was supposed to care, have your back and honor you no matter what, is your partner. When your mate sleeps with another person with no regard or respect for how it will make you feel, that is the enemy, that is who you blame.
My boyfriend feels both people are to blame so we agree to disagree. I get what he is saying to a certain extent. I don’t think women or men should encourage, or put effort towards having sex with married/ committed people unless both parties agree it’s OK. I think passing the buck to the third party is a way of blaming someone other than the love of your life for ruining your relationship. I admire that my man cared enough about this topic to have a conversation about it. I’m also grateful that our differences of opinion didn’t get in the way of us having sex later that day. It amazes me that after almost 13 years together we can still challenge each other’s thoughts like this and be mature about it.
What do you think about cheating? For me, anyone who gives into cheating is not a person of enough integrity and respect for me to be with, or waste my time being mad at. I would cut the ties, forgive, never forget, and walk away knowing I did nothing wrong. When someone cheats, everything is lost; faith, trust, hope, love, and a future of comfort and commitment. You feel a pain that is unexplainable and in a moments time all you thought you had, the love you feel existed all those years, is over. Having full trust again of the person who strayed is impossible. The unfaithfulness will haunt you if you stay. In my opinion, someone who cheats doesn’t deserve your love, move on.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Angelism: “Love comes in many forms. Always love yourself first so that you can be open to love others. Welcome love in your life, for when it’s real it can truly help you evolve into a better person.” 
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day I want to celebrate love. Not just my love for a significant other, but the love that that I share with family, friends, children, neighbors, Facebook buddies, coworkers, pets, and all who are dear to my heart. I always say, my religion is love. I can’t imagine life without it. 
For some of you, this may not be a Valentine’s Day filled with wine, food, long stem roses, and love poems. There is nothing wrong with that. Instead share your love with people you appreciate and are grateful for. All of us are still kids inside who love a sweet treat or card from someone who cares. If you wish to receive love, think first about how you are giving it. If you have a lover, love them even more today. Set aside any resentments, eliminate negative thoughts, and show your lover on Valentine’s Day some unconditional love. Whining about not getting gifts from your partner or punishing them for a lack of effort will kill any possibility of a special day. If you are feeling lonely or desperate stop now. Being single is a wonderful thing. Take the day to love yourself. Buy yourself some flowers, go to a spa or get some of your favorite chocolates. Plan quality time with a friend, family member or coworker. Get yourself out there and share the special day positively. If you are in limbo because you sort of have a date, but you’re not sure since it may just be a bootie-call, then I beg of you to get your head out of you ass and get it together. If you have a shady lover in your life, and you don’t know by now if they want to spend Valentine’s Day with you, then guess what? They don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day with you. Make other plans! Don’t sit by the phone, wait by the door, or stalk your favorite hang-out, hoping to hear from a Valentine. Move on and celebrate Valentine’s Day with those who are deserving of your love and attention. 
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you. May your day be full of LOVE! 

Analyzing Friends

Angelism: “Not all friendships are meant to last. Identify the ones that are worth investing your time in and move on from the ones that bring you down.” 

 

 

I consider myself to be a bit of a social butterfly. I have known many people in my day and have been close to a good chunk of them. Some friends I loved then disliked, a few I disliked, then loved, and a couple I wish I never invested my quality time in. Some friends I’m happy only being acquaintances with, and other friends I can’t imagine my life without. No matter what level of closeness, there are a few things I have learned. There are a variety of personality categories in which I can sort the people I have known. Here is an analysis of the kinds of friends I have encountered over the years. I do my best to keep my tight knit group filled with friends who always have my back and know that I have theirs in return. What types of friends have you experienced?
 
The Constant Complainer: This friend will eventually turn on you. Out of all the kinds of friends this one is the worst. There are many traits to notice in the early stages of your friendship so try to nip the annoyances in the bud ASAP. Here are some things this type of friend does:1) Bitches simply to bitch, is rude and inappropriate. Very embarrassing. 2) Makes every unfortunate situation relate to her. 3) Makes outbursts towards others for no apparent reason. 4) Passes the buck any time you try to call her out on something. 5) Tough to love because she is very insecure and emotionally charged. 6) Cries often or acts out for attention.
It’s All About Me: This is a friend that you are always waiting on. She calls the shots and makes all of the decisions. She has to look her best, must get her way and makes every conversation relate back to her. Her friendship sometimes feels fake since it’s all about her, all the time. Things this friend does: 1) Makes everyone else late because her make-up and outfit is the number one priority. 2) Makes all the decisions for the group and pouts if she doesn’t get her way. 3) Answers her phone when hanging out with you and is not at all apologetic for ditching your conversation. 4) Bumps into a friend while at the mall and doesn’t think to introduce you. She just ignores you while she gives five minutes of undivided attention to the other person. 5) Drops everything for a guy’s attention.Fragile and Insecure: This friend gets on your nerves time and time again. There is only so much you can to do lift the spirits of this insecure woman. This is a girl trapped in her childhood, still looking for acceptance and a place in this world. Daddy issues are an understatement. Traits of this friend are: 1) The art of energy sucking. She will take every ounce of positive energy you have and suck you dry. No matter how much good you give to her it will never be enough. 2) Paranoia runs through the veins of this friend. She is always worried that you are mad at her or that something is wrong if you went a day, week or month without chatting. 3) Flakes a lot because being in the real world is too scary. 4) Talks crazy. The slightest change in events can send this person into a dark hole of depression. 5) This person cries a lot and never because she is happy. She is like a pathetic little puppy dog begging for attention.

Financially Troubled: This is your friend who has no idea how to manage money. She may be the friend who refuses to work or possibly makes a good living yet never has any money when you go out. She can’t manage her finances and it hurts your friendship. This friend usually: 1) Goes out and somehow orders the most expensive thing and never adds in the right amount of tax or tip. 2) Expects you to spot her if her credit card declines. 3) Is not good at REMEMBERING to pay you back. 4) Forgets to get you gifts for your birthday and holidays. 5) Can drink a five-dollar Starbucks in front of you while complaining about having no money for gas for her car.
Liars: This is the friend you have to always pay attention to. This friend tells stories that never match up. She tells white lies so often that she puts little effort into covering them up. You sometimes feel like you are the crazy one. You don’t understand why she lies, you just know she does. What you get from this friend is: 1) An avoidance of certain topics and plenty of mumbling when you try to line up or challenge the current stories. 2) Complete unawareness that what she told you Monday is different from what she is telling you on Friday. 3) Tells one friend one thing, her boyfriend another thing and you something else. When the three of you try and match up her stories you are all totally confused. 4) When you call this friend out on her lies she plays dumb and refuses to admit she lied. 5) This friend has a fear of looking stupid and feels more confident telling people what sounds good rather than what’s real.
 
All About the Boy: This is the friend who won’t leave her boyfriend/ husband’s side no matter what you do. Many times this is not because of the guy but because they now identify themselves as the companion of this person so the two are now one (even though they are still two). Often these women do the following: 1) Refuse to go anywhere where their man is not invited. 2) They baby-sit the man because they don’t trust him to be alone. 3) This girl falls off the face of the earth as soon as she is in a relationship. 4) She smothers her man and sticks up for him when she shouldn’t. 5) Lies to her girlfriends about what is really going on.
Victim: This is the friend who has it worse off that you. They have been molested, abused, cheated on, lied to, and have suffered more tragedy than the average person. Their identity is glued to their fucked up life experiences. This friend likely:1) Reminds you constantly that you will never understand her situation. 2) Complains all the time about how somebody did this to her. 3) Takes no blame for anything – she’s good, everyone else is bad. 4) Tells a lot of the same depressing stories and chooses to do nothing to better them. 5) Continues to find the same drama everywhere she goes.
Fun, Fun, Fun: This is the friend that never slows down. All she wants to do is party. She lives her life in the fast lane and you struggle to keep up. She will forever be 21! Qualities of this friend are:1) Complete denial of her age and unwillingness to grow up. 2) Puts herself at risk constantly being in party girl mode. 3) Lacks being responsible in daily life because she’s always looking for her next adrenaline rush. 4) She can’t understand why you are passing on another beer pong party or why you would miss the local happy hour. 5) Parties all night, sleeps all day and looks worn out all the time.
Workaholic: This friend is buried in her work. It defines her and is her identity. This is where she feels secure. Her success in the workplace if what gives her purpose. This friend is likely to do the following:1) Miss all events because of work. 2) Talk to you only about her work life and goals. 3) Obsess about pay, promotions and hours. 4) Play on her computer or phone in front of you constantly so she can stay connected with the job. 5) Make it sound as though her job is more important than yours.
Totally Loyal: Every girl strives to have girlfriends that are totally loyal. I’m proud to say I have a few in my life who have really stood the test of time. A loyal friend is like a good husband. No matter how many good and bad times you experience, no matter how many categories above they may fall under at certain times in the friendship, a loyal friend sticks with you. Traits of a loyal girlfriend are: 1) No matter what the fight or disagreement there is an expectation that nothing will interfere with the love and trust you experience in your friendship. 2) You are brutally honest and it’s considered a luxury. Your opinion matters and your thoughts are always valid. 3) They are good listeners. They have a compassionate ear yet can tell you the truth and you accept it. 4) Every day is a blessing in your friendship. This is not a friend who will ever take advantage of you. 5) This is a person that no matter how many times they move, change numbers or get new emails, you are one they will never lose touch with.
I think it’s wonderful to experience friends from all these categories, possibly have friends that possess multiple types of these personalities. Being diverse in your way of thinking and flexible with different kinds of people helps you with your patience and teaches you to set boundaries. It also helps you understand more about your own personality. If anything, I have come to accept that everyone is different and the sooner I can assess their differences the easier it is for me to enjoy my time and friendship with them.
Are you attracted to a certain kind of friend? If so, why? What kind of friends do you want in your life and what can you do today to make sure that you surround yourself with that type of person? Does this blog raise awareness for you that maybe it’s time to separate from certain people and put your effort into the ones that really deserve it? I hope if anything this blog got you thinking.
Cheers to friendship!

You 1st, Mate 2nd

Angelism: “Me first today!”

I know it’s hard sometimes to put yourself first but you have to. Placing more importance on your mate than on yourself is the biggest mistake a woman can make. You may think, “I am single I don’t have to worry about this,” but you do. Because depending on how long you are single, a common mistake single women make is when you finally meet someone you are truly interested in you put all your eggs in one basket. You forget what you want because you are so focused on what they want. The point here is to stay on track with your personal goals in life.
Recently my boyfriend and I were on a road trip to Vegas. A road trip is a perfect time to ask questions and talk openly about your relationship. We agreed when we started the conversation that we would be open for positive and negative feedback and that the intention of the discussion was to learn more about where we are now versus 15 years ago. It was fun and I walked away discovering a new side of my boyfriend and loving him even more. The moment I remember most was when I asked him what three things he found attractive about me. He responded, “Your confidence, your fun energy, and the fact that you’re so passionate.” I was instantly overjoyed.
I can honestly say that I agree with my boyfriend and I’m happy he can see the good things in me. I put effort into living a positive life every day and I can only do this by putting me 1st! The reward and recognition you get when you take time for your soul is amazing. You can’t give to others unless you give to yourself, and putting you first doesn’t make you a bad woman – it makes you a smart one. You will have nothing to give if you burn yourself out meeting others’ needs before meeting your own.
End of day, my confidence glows. I appreciate the skin I’m in and I love me despite my imperfections. I have energy because I take time for myself. I exercise often which is a natural drug, I make time to connect with my mate and my friends, and I am committed to a job that I love. Life is exciting and the endorphins simply take over. I’m very committed to this I love, and it’s because I put myself first that I can enjoy life.
I have only had very few relationships with men that I would say are valid. I consider all the other boyfriends practice. Sorry guys. My first marriage was when I was 20. I was young, confused and I put the man first because I thought that’s how it worked. He was in the military and had many career needs. Before I knew it I had no idea who I was, or what I was doing. All I knew was that I had to make sure he was happy, that his needs were met, and that he had his way. Let’s just say when his happiness ran out, mine did too. There I was, stuck in his world, and in that moment it felt like life was over. 
Now 20 years later, and in a long-lasting healthy and vibrant relationship, I am so grateful to know who I am and how I got here. I was single for over two years after my marriage ended. During that time I stayed away from men, I focused on me, discovered what my needs were, made time to explore my womanhood and had fun. It was this turning point that led to one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever known. And even though I love my boyfriend dearly, I still, 16 years later, put me 1st. The fact is that anything can happen and if he is not around someday I have to continue to be confident, strong and comfortable standing in my own skin. So the lesson here is,”You 1st, Mate 2nd,” no matter what. 

Get and Keep a MAN!

Angelism: “If you desire love & a relationship but you spend your days busy with work, family & friends you will end up alone. Make flirting, dating & getting to know people a priority so you can find the soulmate that you crave.” 

Is dating a nightmare for you? Are you the bootie call girl? Have you not had sex in years because you are too scared you will take all the wrong steps and end up in another bad relationship? If yes, this BLOG is for you. The list below are the steps (in order) to help you get and keep a man. Follow this process with a man that interests you from the very beginning and I bet that you will find a relationship that will last longer than 3 months. No more being the girl that can’t keep a guy. Step up your game and make yourself a trophy worth winning and being proud of. Any man who can’t handle this process is not worth keeping. Here goes… it won’t be easy but finding a good love never is.
1) Always let the man ask for your phone number and let him call you. This is the absolute first most important thing to do. If a man is interested he will ask for your number, he will call you, and he will set up a date. Never call him first, and only call to return a phone call. When you return a phone call YOU ONLY CALL ONCE. If he doesn’t call back then move on. Don’t tell yourself stories that he may not have gotten the message. Please don’t give a man your number if you are not interested. Just as you don’t want your time wasted, don’t waste his. If you are worried no man will ever ask for your number feel free to flirt and show interest in a man to give him the hint that you are attracted to him but that’s as far as you go. If they ask for your number and a date great! If not move on and flirt with someone else. 
2) When he does call you, sound interested but not desperate. There is a difference. Responding, “It’s nice to hear from you,” is showing interest. Responding, “I’ve been wondering if you were going to call,” sounds desperate. Once a man senses you’re desperate he will become uninterested and will likely only hook up with you because he can take you for the roller coaster ride of late night bootie calls. He will show you little attention and you will want him anyway because you are needy for that attention. He knows this and it should be no surprise to you if you get treated this way. Expect more, show interest, but let him make the moves.
3) Never ask him on a date. Don’t even mention dating on the phone if you can prevent it. Talk with him and if the call ends with no date planned, that is OK. Keep him guessing. He will likely call back and schedule a date once he gets a vibe from your conversation. Again, if he is interested he will call you! Don’t be in a rush or be pushy. If he asks for you to call him, tell him you prefer that he calls you. Give him a reason to fill a need of yours and meet your expectation. Asking that he calls you is easily achievable for him and respectful to you.
4) If you do go on a date, be prepared. Know where you are going, how you should be dressed, tell a friend your location so that someone knows your whereabouts and don’t look trashy. It is OK to dress sophisticated or a little sexy but don’t show up with it all hanging out. Begging for attention by the use of your body sends the wrong message. You should have more to offer than that, like your personality, goals, accomplishments and beliefs. Think about this ladies. If you are looking for a soul mate, someone that you will spend the rest of your life with, they need to love you for your mind because your body is not going to look hot forever.
5) On a date take mental notes of things you have in common. Is this really someone you could like/ love? Are you attracted to him? Ask questions to get to know him. Make conversation interactive. It should not be all about him nor should it be all about you. The whole point of dating and courting is to get to know one another to see if this person has compatibility with you. If you feel there is nothing in common, you will be grateful you didn’t dress provocatively and give him the wrong idea. You can kindly wrap up the date and say, “Thank you for a nice evening out.” 
6) NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex with a man on the first date. This is always a bad choice and often ruins something that can be good. Of course all men want to “do it” all the time, whenever they can however they are more proud and respectful of a woman when they need to earn her love. Let him prove to you that he has what it takes for you to be intimate with him. You call the shots. Your sex is a gift that should be given a little later. A gift of trust, respect and promise that this relationship has what it takes to go to the next level. Make it important and special.
7) Always have safe sex. If you want peace of mind for the two of you, get on some form of birth control immediately. I think if you are comfortable with the birth control pill and you are dating and having sex, you should use birth control to avoid any accidents. One wild night can really screw up your path. Also, and this is the hardest one for most people, GET TESTED. I know for me, I will not sleep with a man that won ‘t get tested. I don’t want an STD. I have known too many people who have gotten the gift that keeps on giving like AIDS and Herpes. Protecting your body is your job not his. He can wrap it up in a condom and assume it will be OK but if that rubber breaks guess what girlfriend? You are screwed. What if he has had 3-5 partners since the last time he was tested? All it takes is one partner and anything is possible. Be safe. Be smart. Be responsible. Going and getting tested together within the first month can create a bond. Plus it sets a standard of pride, intimacy and monogamy in your relationship. It works, trust me. As far as I am concerned if he says, “NO,” to your request to get tested he is a high risk guy to be involved with. 
8) When you do have sex for the first time you should be comfortable enough to really let yourself go. You know that you put in the time to get to know him, he has proved his interest in you by courting you and giving you his quality attention, you confirmed that the both of you are clean and STD free and you have a plan to prevent a pregnancy scare. Now you can go for it! Let it all hang out. Think of how great that night will be if you have waited and worked on connecting first as spiritual beings not sexual beings. I can have an orgasm just thinking about that amazing moment. 
9) Once you guys are dating, committed and having sex, always communicate. Make time to get to know each other’s friends and family. Make love a goal and a priority. Always keep him guessing. Have your independence outside of him. Make your own friends, work at your personal hobbies and follow your passions that are for you, not influenced by him. This will keep him intrigued and interested in constantly getting to know you.
10) Smile and be happy, you have landed yourself a loving relationship that has a solid start!
These are steps that have proven to work for me. When I used them, I was successful in landing a good man. When I have not used them, I made a mess out of dating. I know this is hard to process, almost seems impossible. This approach takes about 4-6 weeks. Waiting 4-6 weeks before having sex is not that much time when the result of that time taken to get to know one another will lead to a high quality, safe and intimate bond. If everything you are currently doing is not working for you then try this. It does not hurt to have a goal to be responsible and respectful about dating. This way is not the only way to land a man however it’s a respectful way to approach your dating habits. It will lead you to the right kind of man for you. That’s not to say you will find love that lasts forever. No matter how hard we try we never know if love will last forever. If you find a good love, started by a strong bond such as the one you can create while practicing these behaviors, your companionship stands a better chance of lasting through the years. This list is a way to hold yourself accountable and have a higher expectation so you can weed out the losers and find the man that will step up and stand out. Good luck!

Tips for a Good Relationship

Angelism: “Always remember LOVE should FEEL GOOD. If that feeling is not there the majority of the time, move on. If you do feel the love, buckle up and enjoy the ride!”

 
In a few weeks I will be celebrating my 17th anniversary. Not all 17 years have been a walk in the park but they have not been awful either. Many relationships thrive on the bad. I am proud to say that mine excels because of the good. We are not married, and that is our choice. We have lived together 16+ years, we don’t have children, and we still enjoy dating like we did in the beginning. He is 38, I’m 40, and after 17 years of love, we are look forward to our future together. In case any of you are interested in what has worked for us, here are some of my personal tips for a successful relationship.
1) Communicate, communicate, communicate. We were not always good at this and at the 7 year mark we were not doing this successfully. With some professional guidance, our love kept us together and we were able to learn how to get back on the same page and communicate. Without quality, honest communication, your relationship is doomed. With good communication you learn about individual needs and then you can come together to meet those needs. Only when you know what each other wants can you decide if you are a good match.
2) Sex, sex, and more sex. An intimate relationship is key to keeping it interesting. You have to desire your partner. They need to feel like they are the only one for you. You have to kiss, hug, pinch, leave love notes, plan for some wild nights out and enjoy one another in an intimate way. You don’t have to swing from the ceiling, dress in bondage, and do uncomfortable freaky things to get your partner’s attention; but you have to want them. If you don’t someone else will.
3) Play, play, play! Go on dates. Make time to laugh. Be in a good mood more often than a bad one. Find time to have fun. Take vacations or a quick one night getaway. Schedule a babysitter and plan a date. Take a stroll through the park and chase each other. Play a board game and whoever loses has to do whatever the winner wants. There are so many easy ways to be playful with your partner. Having a fun attitude about life will keep things light and exciting.
4) Love, love, love. Never fall out of love. Get mad, have your moments, and take time to breathe through them. Don’t let your mind take over what your heart wants. Your mind will always make a bigger deal out of something than it is. Your heart will do what’s right, if you listen to it. When your mind thinks the love is not strong enough and your relationship is not worth it, take time. Most often you are in love and you don’t want to leave but you are having a rough moment. If you know in your heart your love is good, don’t give up on it.
5) Grow, grow, grow. Grow together always. Life will change, family will interfere, and illness and financial stresses will consume you. Make a commitment to the relationship to grow through the ups and downs together. Change is inevitable. Embrace it and come together when faced with change rather than falling apart. Couple-hood means negotiating so that you can compromise and grow together.
6) Support, support, support. Give support and you will get it in return. Not every decision will be agreed upon. Support your partner when a change needs to happen. If it’s going back to school, quitting a job, moving to a new town, losing weight, or even changing one’s appearance, support one another. You must be your mates #1 fan.
7) Freedom, freedom, freedom. Give your lover freedom. Not everything needs to be done together. Having time apart will bring you closer together. Putting restrictions on what your mate can and can’t do, is going to scare them away. Plus, trying to control what your partner does, and who they hang out with, only shows how insecure you are which is incredibly unattractive. Freedom from always having to be around to entertain each other helps a relationship mature.
8) Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. We all have some kind of expectation. Some are realistic and others are demanding and unnecessary. If you have wants and needs express them, set a boundary and stick to it. For example: “I have dated and lived with you for two years. I want to be married. If we can’t get married by end of next year, I can’t stay in this relationship anymore.” That’s a clear, respectable boundary, that is realistic in its time frame. If your partner can’t step up and give you what you want, you leave. The only way to ever get what you want, is to set a boundary and stick to it. This is how you can be taken seriously.
9) Trust, trust, trust. Giving your partner your trust is a true gift. Have faith that your lover will show up for you. Trust that they have your best interest at heart. Trust that you are the only one for them. Trust that they tell the truth. Give trust and don’t look for reasons or clues to mistrust. If you have to take it to the level of investigating, sneaking around and trying to catch your mate in a lie, then you have no business being with that person. You should never have to check a cell phone, spy on emails, read through bank accounts or follow your mate. Either you trust, or you leave. I have a whole blog on this. Trust is a must! 
10) Listen, listen, listen. I have to admit I am not the best listener. This is something I had to learn the hard way. Since I always feel I have the better plan, something smarter to say, or more knowledge on a topic, I often offer up commentary but don’t always listen to feedback. I have gotten much better at this in the last couple of years. Listening allows you to follow up later on the same topics and be in the know about them. Doing this will make your partner feel important, heard and validated. Say less, and listen more. It really works.
These are my top 10 tips for a great relationship. When you get to a place of incorporating all these tips, the relationship becomes easy. The relationship ends up working for you rather than you working for the relationship. Don’t make love more complicated than it is. My hope for all is that you find the love you always dreamed of. That what you experience in a relationship is joy, happiness, calm and trust; not anxiety, hate, anger and mistrust. It is possible. You decide when you get into a relationship what it will look like and what is acceptable. The power is in your hands.
P.S. Final thought… Life is NOT a fantasy so quit dreaming. Not all relationships are built to last forever. That is the goal but not always the outcome. Enjoy the moment and appreciate what you have today. I don’t know that the love I have today will be here 10 years from now. If it is, great! If it’s not meant to last, then that’s OK too. When you surrender the fairytale fantasy, you take a lot of pressure off your relationship and can enjoy it one day at a time!