Posted on

Groomed, Soft, & Emotional Men… WTF?

Angelism: “As hot and pretty as a groomed man can be, he should never take longer to get ready or be sexier & softer than me!”

Has anyone else noticed how incredibly groomed, soft, and emotional men have become? I have always found well trimmed, clean shaven, and fit men attractive, but how pretty do they need to be? A fancy man shows he is motivated to take care of himself and that he wants to live a healthy and long life; I can dig that. However the new obsession for men to pluck eyebrows, match clothes, buy shiny accessories, highlight their hair, sport fake tans, trim everything, get Botox and muscle implants, use man purses, and wear shoes with lifts in them is officially false advertising and is more vanity than I can handle. I get that we all want to look our best, but when a man is being waxed regularly and getting more manicures and pedicures than I am, it’s weird. 
The man continues to evolve as years pass. Just a decade ago, before Ryan Seacrest and Justin Timberlake hit the scene with a metro sexy style, I thought men were way more tough, fun, and rugged. It seems I woke up one day and it was OK for men to cry, have feelings, go to therapy, and stop doing man things. When I was growing up a man would come home from a physical job, drive up in his dirty truck, go inside and kiss his wife, say hi to the kids, take out the trash, tend to the yard, feed the dog, and then crack open a beer and watch sports and hang out with the family. Today’s man leaves his all day desk job, hands a $20 to the valet guy in exchange for his tiny washed Prius, swaps out his work shirt for a fashionable plaid, then meets coworkers for happy hour where he claims he is networking but really he’s eating fancy food and ordering some foo-foo drink that the girls like while singing some old Bon Jovi song that plays on the jukebox. To complete his 6am-9pm day he comes home, sets his laptop and gym bag down, (because lunch break workouts are totally cool), heads straight to the restroom while texting his coworkers that he’s home safe, showers, brushes and flosses teeth, conditions his hair and then crawls in bed. He then kisses his wife and watches Desperate Housewives of Beverly Hills with her all while checking his Facebook and playing video games on his phone until he passes out. OMG!!!! 
Maybe growing up watching Rambo, Terminator and Robocop gave me a false sense that men should be big, strong, dirty, intimidating, cool and rugged. I certainly didn’t imagine I would ever see men discussing designer jeans, their fear of being bald or fat, their interest in doing yoga instead of Pilate’s, and their preference for Starbucks lattes over Coffee Beans. Possibly I have lived in LA too long, the men here are quite fancy. Don’t assume that being a soft guy is bad. That is not what I am saying. However if you spend a lot of time primping, dieting, and worrying about your outfit and whether or not it works with what your wife is wearing, you may have lost your man card. Remember to compliment your woman rather than fish for compliments on how great your ass looks in them jeans. Fix the car when it’s broken, don’t send a lady to the mechanic. Set up the yard work contract if you don’t want to get your nails dirty and put out the mouse-traps and kill the damn spiders. Put together the kids toys and take out the trash. Lift some weights at the gym and maybe pass on the yoga and green tea addiction. I’m proud that men are flexible and they drink antioxidants but a man with a few calluses on his hands and a 5 o’clock shadow is hot. I like to know my man is smart enough to not create trouble but quick enough to throw a punch and protect me when the moment demands it.
So to all the soft men out there, please go do some man shit. In my house my dad replaced the oil, changed the tires, fixed the burnt out lights, painted the house, built furniture, maintained our garden and our hot tub, fixed the roof, and even organized his man tools; all while drinking a six pack of Budweiser. If you want to be treated like a man stop acting like a vagina. It’s OK to be a little metro and care more than the generations before, but be a sexy new kinda man who gets man shit done. Please only cry once or twice a year. I am all for the feminizing men but not at the loss of my handsome, protective, rough and tough dudes! I have a period every month, I get to cry, not you!
Posted on

Cheating… Who is to Blame?

Angelism: “The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to cheat. Love doesn’t last long when there is no trust.”

My boyfriend and I have very different viewpoints on cheating and who is to blame. Cheating has never been an issue between us since we have both been faithful, at least to my knowledge, but the challenge is we think differently about who takes the heat for infidelity. So who do you point the finger at when your mate turns to another person for sex and intimacy?
I feel that a relationship is between two people, the two that made the commitment to each-other. The person who needs to stay strong and be true to me is the one who vows to do so. I need to be faithful in return. When a third party gets involved, I expect that my mate will be responsible for fighting off any urges to stray in order to remain monogamous to me. If my man cheats on me with a person at his work, a bartender, a stripper, or a friend of a friend who I have never met, do I blame him, her, or both? This is tough question to answer because there are many different opinions. I happen to feel that the person responsible would be my man, and my man feels that both people are to blame.
It seems in society that people like to put the blame on the third party equally when the one they should really have frustration and disappointment with is their mate who shattered the trust. I agree that the third party who gets involved with a spoken for person has done something irresponsible, but it happens, and people cheat everyday and don’t feel guilty about it. If they truly felt guilt they wouldn’t do it. If a stranger has the hots for your man, knows he is taken, but wants to get naked with him anyway, who are you to think she should hold back? What can you really expect from a stranger? Does this make her a bad person, or a human acting on impulse and living in the moment? If I sleep with a waiter while on a girls only vacation, the waiter is not to blame, I am.
The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. People are obviously cheating often, don’t think you are exempt. The sooner you accept this as a possibility, the less painful it will be if you are faced with it. I have family members and friends who have cheated and I don’t think they are evil, I think they are human. It takes a strong, happy, committed, loving, honest and respectful relationship, to stay totally true and faithful for decade after decade. That kind of commitment requires you to stop your hormones and desires every time they stray to thoughts of, “What if?” You have to be excited about going home to the same lover every day of your life and reinvent yourself over and over again so you don’t get bored. You have to be a person of so much integrity and faith that when and if you have desires to be involved with someone outside of your relationship, you choose not to act on it and instead go home to your partner and work it out. Realistically, how many people actually fall into this highly honorable category? A 100% true relationship requires a lot of work and willpower to avoid every temptation along the way for years and years.
Although I say I would only blame the lover that actually cheated on me, I have one exception to that rule. This is what confuses my boyfriend. I told him if he ever cheated on me with a dear friend, I would blame them both. The way I see it is anyone who I know and love, who has a commitment to me to respect and be loyal to me, should not engage in this kind of promiscuous behavior behind my back. So yes, be pissed if your best friend sleeps with your man. I say disown them both for betraying your trust. However, if he hooks up with a bartender, then it’s not her fault. There are many people in this world who have no real feelings. They sleep with someone without any regard for the other person. Many of them don’t even know there is another person to be concerned about. You can blame this third party person all you want but the fact is, if they cared they would not have done it. The person who was supposed to care, have your back and honor you no matter what, is your partner. When your mate sleeps with another person with no regard or respect for how it will make you feel, that is the enemy, that is who you blame.
My boyfriend feels both people are to blame so we agree to disagree. I get what he is saying to a certain extent. I don’t think women or men should encourage, or put effort towards having sex with married/ committed people unless both parties agree it’s OK. I think passing the buck to the third party is a way of blaming someone other than the love of your life for ruining your relationship. I admire that my man cared enough about this topic to have a conversation about it. I’m also grateful that our differences of opinion didn’t get in the way of us having sex later that day. It amazes me that after almost 13 years together we can still challenge each other’s thoughts like this and be mature about it.
What do you think about cheating? For me, anyone who gives into cheating is not a person of enough integrity and respect for me to be with, or waste my time being mad at. I would cut the ties, forgive, never forget, and walk away knowing I did nothing wrong. When someone cheats, everything is lost; faith, trust, hope, love, and a future of comfort and commitment. You feel a pain that is unexplainable and in a moments time all you thought you had, the love you feel existed all those years, is over. Having full trust again of the person who strayed is impossible. The unfaithfulness will haunt you if you stay. In my opinion, someone who cheats doesn’t deserve your love, move on.
Posted on

Get and Keep a MAN!

Angelism: “If you desire love & a relationship but you spend your days busy with work, family & friends you will end up alone. Make flirting, dating & getting to know people a priority so you can find the soulmate that you crave.” 

Is dating a nightmare for you? Are you the bootie call girl? Have you not had sex in years because you are too scared you will take all the wrong steps and end up in another bad relationship? If yes, this BLOG is for you. The list below are the steps (in order) to help you get and keep a man. Follow this process with a man that interests you from the very beginning and I bet that you will find a relationship that will last longer than 3 months. No more being the girl that can’t keep a guy. Step up your game and make yourself a trophy worth winning and being proud of. Any man who can’t handle this process is not worth keeping. Here goes… it won’t be easy but finding a good love never is.
1) Always let the man ask for your phone number and let him call you. This is the absolute first most important thing to do. If a man is interested he will ask for your number, he will call you, and he will set up a date. Never call him first, and only call to return a phone call. When you return a phone call YOU ONLY CALL ONCE. If he doesn’t call back then move on. Don’t tell yourself stories that he may not have gotten the message. Please don’t give a man your number if you are not interested. Just as you don’t want your time wasted, don’t waste his. If you are worried no man will ever ask for your number feel free to flirt and show interest in a man to give him the hint that you are attracted to him but that’s as far as you go. If they ask for your number and a date great! If not move on and flirt with someone else. 
2) When he does call you, sound interested but not desperate. There is a difference. Responding, “It’s nice to hear from you,” is showing interest. Responding, “I’ve been wondering if you were going to call,” sounds desperate. Once a man senses you’re desperate he will become uninterested and will likely only hook up with you because he can take you for the roller coaster ride of late night bootie calls. He will show you little attention and you will want him anyway because you are needy for that attention. He knows this and it should be no surprise to you if you get treated this way. Expect more, show interest, but let him make the moves.
3) Never ask him on a date. Don’t even mention dating on the phone if you can prevent it. Talk with him and if the call ends with no date planned, that is OK. Keep him guessing. He will likely call back and schedule a date once he gets a vibe from your conversation. Again, if he is interested he will call you! Don’t be in a rush or be pushy. If he asks for you to call him, tell him you prefer that he calls you. Give him a reason to fill a need of yours and meet your expectation. Asking that he calls you is easily achievable for him and respectful to you.
4) If you do go on a date, be prepared. Know where you are going, how you should be dressed, tell a friend your location so that someone knows your whereabouts and don’t look trashy. It is OK to dress sophisticated or a little sexy but don’t show up with it all hanging out. Begging for attention by the use of your body sends the wrong message. You should have more to offer than that, like your personality, goals, accomplishments and beliefs. Think about this ladies. If you are looking for a soul mate, someone that you will spend the rest of your life with, they need to love you for your mind because your body is not going to look hot forever.
5) On a date take mental notes of things you have in common. Is this really someone you could like/ love? Are you attracted to him? Ask questions to get to know him. Make conversation interactive. It should not be all about him nor should it be all about you. The whole point of dating and courting is to get to know one another to see if this person has compatibility with you. If you feel there is nothing in common, you will be grateful you didn’t dress provocatively and give him the wrong idea. You can kindly wrap up the date and say, “Thank you for a nice evening out.” 
6) NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex with a man on the first date. This is always a bad choice and often ruins something that can be good. Of course all men want to “do it” all the time, whenever they can however they are more proud and respectful of a woman when they need to earn her love. Let him prove to you that he has what it takes for you to be intimate with him. You call the shots. Your sex is a gift that should be given a little later. A gift of trust, respect and promise that this relationship has what it takes to go to the next level. Make it important and special.
7) Always have safe sex. If you want peace of mind for the two of you, get on some form of birth control immediately. I think if you are comfortable with the birth control pill and you are dating and having sex, you should use birth control to avoid any accidents. One wild night can really screw up your path. Also, and this is the hardest one for most people, GET TESTED. I know for me, I will not sleep with a man that won ‘t get tested. I don’t want an STD. I have known too many people who have gotten the gift that keeps on giving like AIDS and Herpes. Protecting your body is your job not his. He can wrap it up in a condom and assume it will be OK but if that rubber breaks guess what girlfriend? You are screwed. What if he has had 3-5 partners since the last time he was tested? All it takes is one partner and anything is possible. Be safe. Be smart. Be responsible. Going and getting tested together within the first month can create a bond. Plus it sets a standard of pride, intimacy and monogamy in your relationship. It works, trust me. As far as I am concerned if he says, “NO,” to your request to get tested he is a high risk guy to be involved with. 
8) When you do have sex for the first time you should be comfortable enough to really let yourself go. You know that you put in the time to get to know him, he has proved his interest in you by courting you and giving you his quality attention, you confirmed that the both of you are clean and STD free and you have a plan to prevent a pregnancy scare. Now you can go for it! Let it all hang out. Think of how great that night will be if you have waited and worked on connecting first as spiritual beings not sexual beings. I can have an orgasm just thinking about that amazing moment. 
9) Once you guys are dating, committed and having sex, always communicate. Make time to get to know each other’s friends and family. Make love a goal and a priority. Always keep him guessing. Have your independence outside of him. Make your own friends, work at your personal hobbies and follow your passions that are for you, not influenced by him. This will keep him intrigued and interested in constantly getting to know you.
10) Smile and be happy, you have landed yourself a loving relationship that has a solid start!
These are steps that have proven to work for me. When I used them, I was successful in landing a good man. When I have not used them, I made a mess out of dating. I know this is hard to process, almost seems impossible. This approach takes about 4-6 weeks. Waiting 4-6 weeks before having sex is not that much time when the result of that time taken to get to know one another will lead to a high quality, safe and intimate bond. If everything you are currently doing is not working for you then try this. It does not hurt to have a goal to be responsible and respectful about dating. This way is not the only way to land a man however it’s a respectful way to approach your dating habits. It will lead you to the right kind of man for you. That’s not to say you will find love that lasts forever. No matter how hard we try we never know if love will last forever. If you find a good love, started by a strong bond such as the one you can create while practicing these behaviors, your companionship stands a better chance of lasting through the years. This list is a way to hold yourself accountable and have a higher expectation so you can weed out the losers and find the man that will step up and stand out. Good luck!